Home→Forums→Spirituality→Did my mind win?
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Anonymous.
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May 10, 2016 at 11:38 am #104166
AnonymousGuestDear Lada:
You are not “listening” to some of what I wrote to you. Please look above at the quote about depersonalization. It is a symptom of anxiety. Your experiences as you described here fit the description I quoted. Depersonalization is a result of anxiety on one hand, and on the other, it causes anxiety. It is scary to feel that you are getting dumber, losing your memory, losing control. These are scary symptoms.
There is hope, Lada. I experienced much of what you described and I came back from it. I too thought I will be hospitalized and lose my mind completely, but I didn’t and now I feel very sane. It is possible to reduce the anxiety, over time, to heal.
You keep ignoring what I write to you. Please re-read.
It is important for you to calm yourself all through the day: deep, slow breathing, long walks, hot baths, listening to calming music, guided, calming meditation, etc.
anita
May 10, 2016 at 11:44 am #104167AnonymousInactiveOkay, I will do what you say. Thank you.
May 10, 2016 at 11:59 am #104168AnonymousGuestYou are welcome, Lada. And when you are calm and after you re-read what I wrote to you, please post again.
anita
May 10, 2016 at 12:34 pm #104172AnonymousInactiveI just came back from a walk with my dog and it was lovely. I tried not to think much, but I still contemplated quiting my job, taking a week or so off and then see where it takes me. Everything felt okay and calm until at home I heard “what for” when having a look at TV and trying to make out something (= when I tried to use my brain). This “what for” I hear billion times a day.
May 10, 2016 at 1:58 pm #104176AnonymousGuestDear Lada:
It is good for you to walk your dog and relax. Feeling calm is what you need. Take more walks in a day, with your dog, without your dog: walks are good for you.
The voice that said (again) “what for?” – it is a thought you had. It is a thought produced by your brain. It is not your master, that voice. Don’t give it power. It is only a thought. Just like any other thought, it has no power. It is only a thought.
This thought is not intuition. It is only a thought.
anita
May 11, 2016 at 8:17 am #104244AnonymousInactiveToday at work was terrible, my mind just didn’t work, I left more desperate than ever. I know I need to start a new life and let go of the old one, but it is hard to start from scratch when you’re 23 and have nothing..
May 11, 2016 at 8:28 am #104245AnonymousGuestDear Lada:
i agree: to start a new life, you have to have something. I disagree that you have nothing.
You have something, Lada, a whole lot of something. You’ve been giving up on that something for a long time now, bit by bit.
Before you give up any more, stop. Stop giving up on your brain. There is a whole lot there. You need someone to appreciate all that there is there, the intelligence, the emotions, the dreams, and hopes, the loving and lovable nature of you.
These need to be resurrected, be brought to life.
How is life at home, with your mother: how are the interactions every day with her?
anita
May 11, 2016 at 8:43 am #104246AnonymousInactiveIt’s okay, she is going to work on Friday and I’m actually going with her to help out there, to have a change. We are getting on. I wish I could show you my brain, what I hear and experience every day. I’m not underestimating myself or putting myself down purposely, I really don’t get simple things right now. E.g. my mum and I were just talking and she said “on Friday, when you are at work, don’t carry the heavy boxes, you will be on one side of the hall and the guys will be on the other side and it’s their job,” and immediately when she started explaining it I had to think hard to get who will be on which side, blah blah.. simply as if she was explaining something really, really difficult and impossible to understand, while she was just comparing two sides. It is as if you told me to look right and not left, my brain would panic even when I have known where is right and where is left for 20 years..
May 11, 2016 at 8:47 am #104248AnonymousInactiveAnd when I was at the training because of the promotion today, I listened to my boss and took the test after, but I had the pattern of thinking “school-leaving exam is done, I can put the textbooks to the attic”, “this test is done, I can forget it now”.. you know? That’s why I left desperate. My brain seems to have got a signal that it doesn’t have to think no more or learn anything new.
May 11, 2016 at 8:52 am #104250AnonymousGuestDear Lada:
Please pay attention to this the best you can at this moment, and if you can’t right now, come back to it after a walk, when you are calm, and read this again: I experienced what you are describing, from an early age, myself. And for many years. What you have been describing in this thread, is not strange to me. And I can think now, clearly. Very different than before.
This is why I believe, strongly, that you can too.
I too thought that I was going crazy, losing my brain, my basic functions. I was even told that by a psychiatrist when I was your age. But it didn’t happen like that. I didn’t get worse: I got better.
I got better not because time has passed, but because eventually, I took on healing from the injuries done to me when I was a child. It took competent psychotherapy but it also took living away from abuse and anyone who abused me, being safe.
anita
May 11, 2016 at 12:27 pm #104265AnonymousInactiveI’m sorry to hear that you went through abuse and I’m glad you are okay. My problems comparing to those are insiginficant, nothing really terrible ever happened to me, yet I wish I woudln’t wake up tomorrow.. I’m just so tired and angry to be in this situation, it’s not life..
May 11, 2016 at 12:28 pm #104266AnonymousInactiveAnd to know that it’s all my mind..
May 11, 2016 at 1:04 pm #104273AnonymousInactiveI just typed in “spiritual death” and this is what appeared.. and it feels true to me, I can feel it somehow, eventhough I am not a Christian. http://www.evangelicaloutreach.org/spiritual-death.htm
I didn’t murder anybody, but this part rings a bell “Please note it was the personal responsibility of the ones about to die to strengthen themselves spiritually. God was not going to do it for them, even though it was His will for them to be strengthened. The spiritual negligence and sloth of the righteous can be fatal unto spiritual death.” At the most important times I gave in to procrastination, alcohol, not listening to my intuition..
May 11, 2016 at 1:16 pm #104274AnonymousInactiveThe voice also told at one point that I would be gone spiritually..
May 11, 2016 at 3:36 pm #104291AnonymousGuestDear Lada:
Will be away from the computer for a few hours. Will write to you when I am back.
anita
P.S. You wrote: “nothing really terrible ever happened to me.” What would something terrible be (can you give me an example)
And what would be something just a little bit bad be (example)?
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