Home→Forums→Spirituality→Did my mind win?
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May 11, 2016 at 9:00 pm #104316
AnonymousGuestDear Lada:
Please re-read my quote from wikipedia about “depersonalization”- does it describe your state of mind? I would look there instead of the term “spiritual death”-
Read and let me know (about depersonalization) and what about seeking competent professional help, a psychiatrist maybe, a competent professional who is able and willing to help you?
anita
May 11, 2016 at 10:18 pm #104320
Kirra ShermanParticipantThoughts are thoughts, they won’t necessarily go away, but the more energy and attention you give to something, the more it expands. Your energy goes where your attention goes, so if you focus on those thoughts, you make them bigger than they are. There is what is happening, and then there are the thoughts you’re having about what’s happening. The thoughts around what is happening are usually full of judgments. Your being side never leaves you, but you have an opportunity to meet yourself in the moment and bring yourself back into your heart when you notice all these thoughts pop up. One tool that might help you is to pretend or imagine that your thoughts are in a cartoon voice that you love. Would they be so scary, no matter what they were saying if you could imagine they were speaking as a cartoon? It can actually be quite funny to imagine! Do your best not to take even your own thoughts personally. See if you can bring your attention instead to your body and ground yourself there. That’s where intuition moves you, in neutral feelings in your body. Let the process you’re in, take its course; observe and be with where you are without trying to change it all in one moment. As for intuition, maybe this will support you: http://www.amirzoghi.com/7ways
May 12, 2016 at 6:30 am #104326AnonymousInactiveThank you. I know what it is like to hear this intuition, I heard it many times and unfortunately I listened to it scarcely. What is my worry right now is that in the past I knew the intuitive feelings were good ideas leading me to good things. Now I feel like the dark side in me has won and I don’t hear it anymore.
May 12, 2016 at 6:36 am #104327AnonymousInactiveOr I’m worried where it would take me..
May 12, 2016 at 7:19 am #104331AnonymousInactiveWell, I don’t know if this was intuition, but I went to the vet with my dog today, eventough my heart just doesn’t care anymore about anything, I don’t feel any love in me.. I went and the doctor said that if I had come later he might have died.. I was so upset with me after that, I yelled at myself “how is it possible that I don’t care? do you realize what could have happened?”
May 12, 2016 at 7:29 am #104333AnonymousGuestDear Lada:
I strongly believe that you need good professional help. I hope you make an appointment with a competent psychiatrist. Like I just wrote on another thread, I am not a psychiatrist or a professional of any kind. I am in no way qualified to make a diagnosis or to provide therapy. I already wrote to you repeatedly what I believe is going on, at least partially.
Please make an appointment with a psychiatrist. Maybe get on some psychiatric drugs/ medication.
You need help, Lada. The help you need is way more substantial than the help that can possibly be offered here. As a matter of fact, everything I wrote to you so far on this thread provided you with no help whatsoever, so what is the point of me writing any more.
I will therefore stop replying to you until you seek professional help and/ or until you respond to what i wrote to you already. (So far you write as if you didn’t even read what i wrote to you).
Until then, take care:
anita
May 12, 2016 at 7:34 am #104334AnonymousInactiveAnita, I’m thinking of getting hospitalized, I know that I can’t do this on my own. I’m just afraid that there won’t be competent people, as one of the two psychiatrist I encountered there just dealt with things superficially. The guy I’ve been going to is the “depression” guy. So I don’t know if they will help me. But I don’t know a different way to get help.
I’ve been taking medication for two weeks.
May 12, 2016 at 7:54 am #104336AnonymousInactiveThe guy was actually recommended to me as a specialist by the psychiatrist in hospital, so I don’t know if they could provide me with someone more suitable.
The question about depersonalization and the whole situation: I wouldn’t have been so stubborn hadn’t the voice told me all the things like “this is the end of your career”, your values and habits will change”, etc. Had I just fallen into depression, I would have taken any advice and do good things for myself, like eat healthy, exercise, try loving myself with affirmations, etc. But the answer is always the same “what would be the point of quiting and leaving your old life then?” I don’t know, I just don’t..
May 12, 2016 at 8:43 am #104339AnonymousGuestDear Lada:
I am glad you responded to what I wrote, that you paid attention to what I wrote to you.
What kinds of medications are you taking? Who prescribed them to you (the “depression guy”?)
Unfortunately there are lots on incompetent professionals. This is why I always add “competent” before professional.
If you get yourself hospitalized (being an inpatient), as I know it, you give up your freedom for the length of time you are committed. If you see a (competent) psychiatrist as an outpatient then you have the chance to say yes, or not to what he says.
If you make an appointment with a doctor, and you go to a consultation, you can write to me about it and I can help you figure out if the doctor is competent enough or if he/ she is clearly not competent.
Regarding the voice (your last paragraph above): there is no authority to the voice. It is only a thought. You know how some people “hear voices” and believe the voices are actual people talking to them, maybe even a god talking to them? You know they are deluded, correct? That they believe the voices have authority while it is not so. All along these voices, for psychotic people, are their own thoughts.
So we all have thoughts. Some people believe their thoughts are actual people talking to them. What is your belief about the voice that is talking to you? Is it your thinking only? Another person talking to you?
anita
May 12, 2016 at 8:55 am #104343AnonymousInactiveIt was another voice, but I believe it was my inner wisdom. I feel it was me.
May 12, 2016 at 8:57 am #104344AnonymousInactiveE.g. “this will be the end of your career”, I heard it before I left to England for a week when I was packing, then I came back to the start of the summer semester and that was when the mistakes and thinking errors started.
May 12, 2016 at 9:12 am #104346AnonymousGuestDear Lada:
So you believe that your inner wisdom can predict the future, like that your career will end?
I am trying to understand the nature of the voice or voices; what you believe about their nature: predict the future? Warn you of danger? Protect you? What is the motivation of the voice or voices?
Please do answer my questions. Often you ignored my questions and my posts to you, but on two of your posts to me today, you did pay attention to my posts. Please pay attention to this one and answer my questions best you can (or tell me that you don’t want to answer).
anita
May 12, 2016 at 9:20 am #104358AnonymousInactiveThe medication was prescribed by a woman psychiatrist, the one who recommended him to me. It’s called Cipralex. It hasn’t got any better.
I feel like there are still just two ways for me..
When I keep going to work, I feel dead there, I feel as if this is not meant for me right now, my brain doesn’t work much and others have to tell me what to do. When I tell myself that I can’t get money any other way than by going to work, that I don’t make them at home, it’s not really about money it’s about me. I.e. if I keep going to work now, without any change in me, I think I’ll loose it completely.
The other way is the change in habits that I was “promised”, i.e. before I find a job to go to, I have to surrender
to attitudes and qualities that bubble in me, which I fear is laziness, irresponsible approach, ignorance.. I don’t know exactly, but that’s just what I feel. I heard a few times “Ah I can do whatever I want finally”. I resist this, but like I said, if I keep going to work now, it’s just a thing that I should be doing, it’s just my body being present there.I feel that by not quiting my job in March as I had the nudge to do, I didn’t allow for some natural continuation of the situation, for a change. A few minutes ago, I was like “I should make the dinner myself so that my mom doesn’t have to” and suddenly I heard “come on Lada, you have to finally choose which way you wanna go, desperately holding on or leting go of the “should you”.
I can’t tell if my take on things as I have just described is 100% accurate but it is how I have been feeling for several months. I believe it is why I know that I don’t need anti-depresants or therapy. I have been thinking about getting hospitalized to have a chance to talk it through properly with someone, but I’m still not sure if it is a good decision.
As I keep sitting here writing this, I feel all the time “then why did you quit, this makes no sense” or whatever.
May 12, 2016 at 9:35 am #104366AnonymousInactiveI wish to talk it through properly with someone because I don’t to which extent I’m creating the thoughts or habits and to which extent they are in my core. There are many underlying beliefs and thoughts underneath what I write to you.. But I guess it would take half a year to go through everything haha.
May 12, 2016 at 9:48 am #104367AnonymousGuestDear Lada:
I will read through our correspondence on this thread from the beginning in my effort to understand you and will come back to you. I you’d like, you can do the same.
anita
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