- This topic has 6 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 7 months ago by Anonymous.
October 4, 2015 at 9:00 am #84681AnonymousInactive
Right now, I am working with BRS to get a job. I have Asperger’s Syndrome and I’m a black female. I also think I’ll be single forever. It’s not because I’ve gone through a break up, or anything like that. I’ve never been that person who has a boyfriend. In fact, I’ve NEVER had a bf. I think that also was due to the fact that I developed anxiety. It’s gotten better, but I can’t eat at restaurants with my family because I throw up. And, like any other human, I have too many flaws to name.
Too long, didn’t read: I feel that I should keep guys at a distance for now and not be insecure. Plus, guys I’ve had crushes on have never seen me more than a friend. That’s all I have to say. Anyone else want to comment on this?October 4, 2015 at 5:29 pm #84709anitaParticipant
Dear Aiyana Henderson:
You are saying that being involved with a guy, having a bf, would cause you anxiety and you better not then. I suppose you desire a bf, looking at the photo above your name and… nature. It is natural. Can you share more about what kind of a relationship you would have liked to have if you had the courage? And what kind of a young man would make a good bf to you?
anitaOctober 9, 2015 at 5:23 am #85125MikeParticipant
We all have flaws Aiyana, not all of us accept ourselves having these flaws and life can never be what we imagine we don’t. Are you involved in any activities? What kind of friends do you have? Does your social circle encourage you and have your back when you are down? Do you have much of a social life and what kind of activities do you do? We all need to have a social circle to some agree, sometimes it is only family and a few really close friends, but those people would drop anything if they could to help us. I think it is important for people to be in situations and around people that they are comfortable with and feel they can act most like them self. Whether it means finding a hobby or becoming a member of a club, going to the gym, something that puts you around people that have something in common with you. Sure, you may be nervous at the beginning maybe a family member will join you until you are comfortable. Once you get out into the world and socialize and have fun, you will start to feel more relaxed and if there are guys you will already have one thing in common. The anxiety is really hard, I had really bad anxiety for my whole life, but you can overcome it. When anxiety arises try to breath into your anxiety, get to know the anxiety. How does it feel? There is a reason its there. You feel threatened. What is threatening you, why are you scared? Ask yourself that when the anxiety arises. Is it of the other people and what they think of you? Saying something wrong? Thats what I would be anxious about, but really these things don’t matter. Maybe you have a different anxiety and it is about something totally different, whatever it may be just remember “This too shall pass.” The anxiety will pass, even if something bad happens to that will pass, unfortunately the good things pass as well, nothing is permanent so to feel anxiety over it is wasting the precious time we have to enjoy our short existence because our lives too will pass, and when we accept that then it is very difficult to allow our anxiety to take us over, because even if we are faced with our greatest fear such as a snake, we might still be a little afraid, but we can accept that “This too will pass” if that snake bites it won’t hurt for long and the more fear we feel the greater chance our thinking facilities get clouded and we do something stupid so instead we face the snake and let them make the decision as to what direction this is going to go, they are faster than us anyway and our best bet is to back away slowly in a non threatening manner, you really don’t want to turn your back on it or try to run but trip. Maybe that snake doesn’t bite because it senses that the individual before them is calm and relaxed and really it is scared of us, thus most likely not threatening unless we make it feel trapped, but we are still dangerous if we stand our ground and that snake is looking for prey as an overly fearful animal is easier prey than an animal that shows poise and focus in the face of danger and can easily turn an attack against them around into an attack against the predator, like a wack on the head with a big stick so the predator became the prey. In a way our lives with other people are like that, people sense our fear and some people are predators, some people are also just as anxious as we are and the anxiety each person just feeds the other person’s, that is why it is always good in social situations if one person has control over their anxiety. Some people display their anxiety in having a bad temper, thus when they feel attacked they lose it and two people are in that situation it is dangerous. Also realizing that this too shall pass helps us in not taking anything for granted.October 19, 2015 at 1:22 pm #85668AnonymousInactive
@Anita I want a guy who has dark hair, straight teeth. Quirky sense of humor. But again, I’m not in a rush to be with anyone. Sometimes I like being single. But I also stay away from having a relationship with someone because there’s always drama between two people. On top of that, I’ve never been on on a date before. And Mike, your philosophy on anxiety is interesting, but I’m slowly going back to yoga. I appreciate your guys support, but I want to stay single for the time being. Have you two ever dated or are divorced or anything like that? I’m a young person, so I don’t have a lot of life experiences. And as far as friends go, I only have one friend who I constantly text. I’ve never been a social butterfly.October 19, 2015 at 4:49 pm #85675anitaParticipant
Dear Aiyana Henderson:
To your question: yes, I dated and am currently married, married late in life when I was 49. I am now 54. I was not capable before of having a good, loving, healthy relationship. I was not even ready when I met my husband, but through my first serious psychotherapy shortly after getting married, I developed the skills I needed to get along with him and then to heal my own self. I am still healing.
I hope you do well as single, which is your plan for now. No rush dating, i say.
anitaOctober 19, 2015 at 7:19 pm #85690AnonymousInactive
Yes I Agree. I want to focus on my own well beingOctober 20, 2015 at 3:38 pm #85741AnonymousInactive
And I’m comfortable with my life right now. It’s nbd if I don’t have a partner. I want to focus on myself.