- This topic has 12 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 2 months ago by
Donna.
-
AuthorPosts
-
May 14, 2013 at 1:36 pm #35541
Scott
ParticipantI have a bit of a dilemma and hard decision to make regarding work.
I worked in the same company for 15 years and had to leave as the job role changed dramatically. I stuck it out for over a year but became clinically depressed for the first time in my life and had a really bad time. This had a detrimental effect on my life outside of work, where I didn’t want to socialise, had very low self esteem and resulted in my relationship with my partner ending. I decided to leave the company without getting another job and retrain in another field. I was fortunate enough to have no large financial commitments but had to claim benefits temporarily to get by which was the first time I had done so.I have been temping for the last year and have enjoyed my last few roles. My current role was also temporary but I’ve not enjoyed it, have become really stressed and depressed once again. My self confidence has totally gone, I question every action I take and cannot make a decision, and regret and feel guilty about the decision I do take, I feel a mess emotionally. I have found other employees finding the role difficult, I am covering one person who is off sick with work related stress, and know that other people are leaving as they don’t enjoy working for the company and also how other workers felt stressed out with no time to do anything.
Problem is my role came up as a permanent position and I applied not long after I started as I thought I could initially cope with the role. I had an interview and was told (off record) the job would probably be mine as not many people had applied. By the time the interview came around I realised I didn’t like it, I felt stressed, under pressure all the time, couldn’t relax at home and worried about going to work the next day. I pulled out by saying I had an offer of another job in a different part of the country (which I didn’t). I felt relieved at the time and came to terms with the possibility of maybe being out of work again in a month or so but convinced myself I would be ok as I could get another job which would make me happier.
Trouble is my contact is up shortly, I feel guilt at turning down the job, fear and dread at being off work mainly because of the isolation and boredom as I live on my own and don’t currently have a partner. I have always worked my whole life apart from the period when I retrained. The same role has since come up in the same company and I just cannot make a decision on whether to apply and be stressed out, depressed and unhappy in work again although it is a permanent job which has its benefits and maybe as I get more into the role it will become better, or stick to my original decision and leave. I keep changing my mind daily and tell myself to pull myself together and go for it as permanent jobs are hard to find, but as I had such a bad time in previous employment it seems like defeating the object going from one bad situation to another. The thought of being out of work makes me equally depressed and anxious. I think the situation seems magnified and blown out of proportion because Im depressed.
Has anyone got any suggestions? – any thoughts would be appreciated.May 17, 2013 at 2:30 pm #35817theis
ParticipantDear Scott,
I am not an english speaker, so I will just keep it short.
If I were you I would not take the role, I would take the decision, stick to it and accept it. Instead, I would take some time off to relax and if possible, deal with my depression and self confidence.
I don’t want to feel guilty and stressed all the time, so I have to do something that gives me joy and happiness, perhaps a change in lifestyle with at least 1 hour of exercise everyday.
Be happy and live strong mate!
Theis
May 17, 2013 at 4:14 pm #35822Marilyn Briant-Rockmore
ParticipantDear Scott,
I can understand how hard it is to focus on the positive right now, and I can related to the uncertainty you feel about the future, but I am absolutely sure that the way you felt when you were doing the last job is your best guidance to not taking it as a permanant position.
It isn’t easy to focus on the positive when you are depressed, but I believe it will be really helpful if you can do this. In your second paragraph you start out by saying you have been temping and you enjoyed your last few jobs – what did you enjoy about them? Is there a possibility that you can find more temp jobs like the ones you liked? I think it is not helping you when you project negative feelings into the future – perhaps you can trust the universe and believe that when one door closes, another opens and it it always for the best.
I hope this helps.
Love and peace,
Marilyn
May 19, 2013 at 8:06 am #35857Scott
ParticipantHi Theis
Thanks for taking the time to reply and for your advice. What you say does make sense about taking time out. You also reinforce what I think about the importance of being happy in work, as if your not it can have a negative effect on the rest of your life. Ad we all only have one life.
Your English is very good by the way!Best wishes,
Scott
May 19, 2013 at 8:16 am #35858Scott
ParticipantHi Marilyn,
Thanks for taking the time to read my issue and reply. I never really thought about the part when you say about trying not to project negative feeling into the future, which is what you naturally do when your mood is low with a negative outlook. Your advice is very helpful and I can definitely make a conscious effort to try and be positive about the future instead of assuming everything will turn out badly.
Best wishes
Scott
June 2, 2013 at 11:49 am #36361Anonymous
InactiveHello, Scott,
What are your beliefs about work?
From what I’ve read, it looks as if you believe you should be happy in your work? Is that right? I think maybe this belief has led you to your current situation of being off work. Is this how you see your situation, in a nutshell so to speak?
What are your beliefs about being off work? Are they financial, personal, or professional? How are these beliefs serving you now while you’re off work? It seems that maybe your beliefs about being off work are not serving your greatest good. In fact, your sadness seems to stem from them.
Do any of the following describe your beliefs about being off work?
- Being off work causes me to feel lonely.
- Being off work causes me to feel bored.
- Being off work causes me to feel anxious.
- Being off work causes me to feel sad.
- Being off work causes me to feel bored.
Are you interested in exploring new beliefs about being off work?
- Being off work gives me time to explore my life and myself.
- Being off work brings new and interesting experiences to my life.
- Being off work opens up my life to meaningful and happy work.
- Being off work opens me up to exploring and finding new situations.
- Being off work brings new and interesting experiences to my life.
Perhaps your intuition is telling you to be off work for now. And perhaps your current beliefs aren’t aligned with your intuition. Is this what it feels like for you?
May you find peace in whatever you decide.
June 12, 2013 at 1:42 am #36785TheAwakening
ParticipantHi Midge,
What you’ve written above describe my current situation perfectly. I’ve spent the last 8-10 years working non-stop, without paying any attention to my personal life.
After putting in and withdrawing my resignation thrice, I finally had the courage to go through with it. All through the process, one part of my mind kept asking, “what are you going to do with all this spare time you are heading towards??”
I also identify with Scott when he says he keeps changing his mind and questioning his decisions. When I finally put in my papers, I felt relief. I am still serving my notice period – but every now and then, doubt creeps back up – I question whether I’ve done the right thing or whether I should stick it out even though I’m not enjoying myself. The thought of being out of work gives me great anxiety – at the same time, I have another offer on hand and I feel reluctant to take it on.
I’m unsure how to make good, sound decisions anymore, with regard to work.
Any advice?
June 12, 2013 at 11:57 am #36802Jade
ParticipantScott – My advice: leave. I’ve been in the same position as you before, considering whether to leave a job that I should never have taken to begin with (should have listened to my gut instinct instead of my brain) because it was making me anxious, depressed, and emotional. Personally, being unemployed (meaning bored and alone and ashamed of myself) was the lesser of two evils. So I left, without having another job to go to, and I felt like a failure and spent months struggling for work… but I was STILL happier than when I had been at that job. I took the time to recover my destroyed self-esteem and it actually felt good to be taking action and progressing with my life instead of treading water, you know?
TheAwakening – Change is difficult! Especially after 8-10 years of a routine. Some self-doubt will be inevitable, but remember this: one of the top 5 regrets of the dying is “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard”. (http://justrandomdesigns.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/top-5-regrets-of-dying.jpg) I believe taking a step towards caring for your personal life will be extremely rewarding and beneficial to your well being.
June 13, 2013 at 5:52 pm #36872Donna
ParticipantHello Scott (and everyone on this topic),
I am new here, just found this website because my work life has come crashing down around me this week, and I was online searching….for something,you know that search for “something” when you don’t even know what it is.
. I have no actual advice personally for you, but wanted to tell you that if nothing else; just hearing you describe your situation echoed so much the place I find myself in now, and it just felt so good to not be alone in it. I realize your post is a few weeks old now and It is my great hope that you made a decision and have felt strong in it.
The situation you described is so awful, you feel so kicked down that you literally can’t even decide which slice of bread to put the peanut butter on and which slice to put the jelly on right.? Much less make some kind of important decision that will impact your daily life and your ability to eat and pay for a roof over your head. UGH, its awful. My workplace of close to 20 years has called me out and told me that I have not pulled my weight there this year and now I can leave or stay with “restructuring” and a pay cut. Which is what I believe its all about to begin with, they want someone to be paid less. But to have my work that that I couldn’t have put more into being called into question has cast a spell on me almost! I feel so low that I can barely hold my head up. I saw none of this coming. And it seems the restructuring will involve a type of work that is just so far beyond what I feel capable of right now, and for even less than I was already making. And I’ve barely been making it. Total paycheck to paycheck living situation already. Now I can’t decide if I want my self worth more, to tell them they are wrong and I am leaving, or stay and deal with my near -paralyzing fear of being without a job and not two nickels to rub together. I know in every crises there is also opportunity, but oh this stuff hurts. And life is too short.
What did you end up doing, if I may ask? And more importantly; how do you feel about which decision you have made? I am not glad you and the other participants have to go through this, but I will say knowing we are not alone in the not terribly productive “depressed-with-fears-and-need-to-make -important-decisions category” ..helps. So much right now.
Best,
DonnaJune 14, 2013 at 3:16 pm #36905Scott
ParticipantHi Donna,
Well firstly I completely empathise with your situation, and feel for you. I totally get the fact that other people being in similar situations and offloading on great websites such as this one can maybe ease the pain a little. Must be awful for you doing a more difficult job for less money. Its easy for me to say from the outside looking in but how would you feel about staying there until you find a job you are more happy to do maybe, depending on your situation, but I know its not that easy to do. Being out of work is scary, and Im guessing you feel whichever you do you wont be happy.
Well I set a leaving date for 31 May, but manager called me in to see if I wanted to stay a few months longer so Im still there. Reason being I couldn’t face the thought of the emptiness of being off work and collecting benefit so put my CV out to employment agencies. However this opened up a completely new can of worms.
As I am writing this I have never felt so lost, confused and frustrated. I actually got 2 job offers (temporary posts). One of which I worked previously and basically I couldn’t decide what to do. I didn’t want to stay where I am and I didn’t want to go back to where I worked as the role is not an enjoyable and its working on same floor as a girl who I had a short relationship with is there. On the positive side it is a good company with a nice atmosphere and a longer contract. I just couldn’t decide – the pressure I felt was nothing like I have ever experienced – I felt whichever I chose would be wrong and I would regret it. I had no confidence in my decision and changed my mind several times a day. Consequently I beat myself up about not being able to make a decision.and felt grass was greener on other side whichever I chose. I felt anxious and sick.
I felt helpless. Most people would be pleased they had 3 job offers but it was my worse nightmare as didn’t want to make a decision. This sums my state of mind up… I told the agency I was staying put Wednesday afternoon at their deadline of 4.00. I felt unsure and wasn’t convinced and had lost all rationale by now – the next morning a rang the agency and changed my mind – I am now leaving and handed notice in today. I felt happy at the time but now wish I hadn’t changed my mind – am I going crazy?I never used to be this indecisive. I know what jobs I want and have been happy at work in the past but believe life is too short to be unhappy at work.I hope it all works out for you and would be interested in your decision.
Best wishes
Scott
June 14, 2013 at 3:18 pm #36906Scott
ParticipantHi Donna,
Well firstly I completely empathise with your situation, and feel for you. I totally get the fact that other people being in similar situations and offloading on great websites such as this one can maybe ease the pain a little. Must be awful for you doing a more difficult job for less money. Its easy for me to say from the outside looking in but how would you feel about staying there until you find a job you are more happy to do maybe, depending on your situation, but I know its not that easy to do. Being out of work is scary, and Im guessing you feel whichever you do you wont be happy.
Well I set a leaving date for 31 May, but manager called me in to see if I wanted to stay a few months longer so Im still there. Reason being I couldn’t face the thought of the emptiness of being off work and collecting benefit so put my CV out to employment agencies. However this opened up a completely new can of worms.
As I am writing this I have never felt so lost, confused and frustrated. I actually got 2 job offers (temporary posts). One of which I worked previously and basically I couldn’t decide what to do. I didn’t want to stay where I am and I didn’t want to go back to where I worked as the role is not an enjoyable and its working on same floor as a girl who I had a short relationship with is there. On the positive side it is a good company with a nice atmosphere and a longer contract. I just couldn’t decide – the pressure I felt was nothing like I have ever experienced – I felt whichever I chose would be wrong and I would regret it. I had no confidence in my decision and changed my mind several times a day. Consequently I beat myself up about not being able to make a decision.and felt grass was greener on other side whichever I chose. I felt anxious and sick.
I felt helpless. Most people would be pleased they had 3 job offers but it was my worse nightmare as didn’t want to make a decision. This sums my state of mind up… I told the agency I was staying put Wednesday afternoon at their deadline of 4.00. I felt unsure and wasn’t convinced and had lost all rationale by now – the next morning a rang the agency and changed my mind – I am now leaving and handed notice in today. I felt happy at the time but now wish I hadn’t changed my mind – am I going crazy?I never used to be this indecisive. I know what jobs I want and have been happy at work in the past but believe life is too short to be unhappy at work.I hope it all works out for you and would be interested in your decision.
Best wishes
Scott
June 21, 2013 at 1:27 pm #37275Anonymous
InactiveHello, The Awakening,
It sounds like you are awakening, that is, you are becoming more aware of what you want from your work life. Your resignation has been gnawing away for some time now. Yet your relief in resigning was quickly followed by great anxiety. That is difficult. Sometimes tough decisions get even tougher. Financially speaking, are you able to afford to be off work? Do you feel a financial need to accept the other situation being offered to you? Or is just being off work the difficulty itself? Do you feel as though you’re supposed to work? Is there some judgement or belief about being off work?
Whenever decisions appear tough to make, I wonder and then ask myself if I’m truly listening to and looking for what is true, compassionate, kind, and loving. I just try to set my intention on clarity without attaching too much to expected outcomes and by being more open to unexpected ones. Sometimes it’s okay not to know. Sometimes it’s okay to just see what unfolds. But it’s so frustrating too, isn’t it? We feel like we should know. And, honestly, we usually do, deep down. It sounds like you’re doubting this big change, and you may have good reason to do so. Change, even when it’s positive, is sometimes difficult, the uncertainty of it all.
I have no advice, other than to share what has worked for me. I suppose I’m getting to the point (or age perhaps) where and when I’ve realized that the only real advice that works for me is the advice that resounds with me. Call it a gut feeling, intuition, instinct, etc. I just listen to the whispers from within. And then I honor them as best I can in my daily life—within the areas of work, finances, environment, health, relationships, family, creativity, play, etc. I just try to balance the areas of my life so that happiness is nurtured. And I practice being mindful of experiences that seem difficult so that they are only as difficult as I make up my mind for them to be. This practice is not easy.
All of the areas of our lives contribute to our well being, wholeness, and happiness. I appreciate the good in my life. I try to let go of the worries. I just try to be mindful of all of the areas of my life, to balance and bring happiness.
May you find clarity.
June 22, 2013 at 8:09 am #37299Donna
ParticipantHi Scott,
I am so sorry for the delay in my response back, I hadn’t even seen your note until last night. So this (what you wrote) is now a little time ago, and I am assuming that you ended up making some kind of final (for now) decision, as it sounds like there were all sorts of deadlines…
I do not think you are going crazy at all, with all the back and forth, I think (and this is probably advice for myself too as much as for you) that the indecision is like a virus that gets into your system, because your immunity gets depressed, and then it keeps on replicating, just like a bug does. So just like getting over a flu, you have to build up your inner strength. There will always be challenges and struggles no matter what choice anyone makes. Making a choice almost never means that now it will all magically get easy. I suppose it is actually a blessing to have some options, as some people in the world never even have any. But I also know very well the paralyzing effect. Just like I need to know, you do too; you are not alone. It’s scary when any move seems to take you further away from what you think you want. The truth is though that if your immune system is boosted up, in this case meaning; your sense of yourself and your ability to trust yourself, then you can conquer anything. You can make a decision and make it work for you, no matter which path you choose. Did you end up 100% leaving the current place? And if so; have you found some peace with it?
I love the Beatles song lyric “There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you are meant to be”. I keep saying it to myself over and over. I have made the decision that I will stay in my job with the nasty little vindictive pay cut for the summer, and then probably come the Autumn, leave. Try to save up some money, in the meantime. Try to stop wishing they would just fire me, as that is surely the easy way out, but one that would only be bad for me later down the road, trying to get another job. I am telling myself that if my inner strength is hearty, then any move I make will be the right one. And that maintaining my inner strength for the next few months, working at a place where I don’t feel at all valued now, is going to challenge that, but I absolutely must find the way for it not to.
So many simply quotes occur to me, such as “Happiness (or contentment, rightness) is a choice” . As in you just make the choice. And face what you have to, but realize that no one can actually take away anything from you if you’ve made the decision to keep it. We humans do seem to need to change things up from time to time. We rarely want to go backwards, we want ,on a deep level to go forward, find the new. I wish it just all didn’t tap us out so badly; feeling scared of where this pull takes us. It helps me to keep on thinking the truth of all of this job stuff, like the truth about anything is really very simple.
That it is the little voices in our head that keep running interference, not letting us listen to the one deep voice of the simple truth or fact. This is what makes us feel we are losing our sanity from time to time. 🙂 Maybe that voice was speaking to you when you said after giving notice that you felt happy then?
I don’t know where you are, I am sure it is way far away geographically from where I am (you said “”rang the agency” among other things that make me think UK or Australia or a place like that) I am here on the east coast of the USA, (we we say “called the agency” 🙂 ) but it gives me strength to know you are out there somewhere and though far far away, we do understand the geography of this job indecision as though we are at the very same “desk”!
Wishing you the absolute best of luck. I plan to take a lot of deep breathes, every day, work on shutting up all those little nagging voices. Hope you can and will as well.
Cheers and Light, Donna - Being off work causes me to feel lonely.
-
AuthorPosts