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Difficult Situation, Any advice would be appreciated

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  • June 4, 2014 at 4:26 pm #58114
    Olly
    Participant

    Hi,
    I just wanted to share my situation with people that might actually help me.. give me some advice that might improve my situation.. It is hard for me to write about something as personal because i have a problem with trusting people, But if i keep myself as is it will only get worse..

    I’m an 18 year old guy about to get conscripted because of where i live.. I have been thinking about this for awhile and its time to get some advice..
    I feel really lonely, and i’m depressed because i have never had my first kiss, never had a relationship with a girl.. i feel like im stuck behind and because of my age i feel like i cant talk to anyone about this out of embarrassment..
    I was Overweight my entire life.. and a year or 2 ago i decided that its time to get in shape and start living a healthier life.. i always felt embarrassed because of my body.. i didn’t and still don’t have any confidence about anything to do with my body. I don’t think i’m a bad person, i always helped my friends with their problems with relationships ironically i never had one.. Tried to give them the best advice that i could.

    Always felt that because of my weight problem i couldn’t find someone and when i will get in shape ill be able to, but as i’m getting healthier i’m starting to think that it might not be the only problem.. I try my best to open up to people and be more outgoing, i don’t have many friends.. I had a problem until recently that i took rash decisions about certain situations that led me to not having many friends.. i’m doing my best to fix that.

    Also because of my decision 3 years ago to change my course of failure in school, i decided that i wanted to do something meaningful with my life and i started studying hard. I set a goal, to get into one of the best universities in the world, grade wise i accomplished more then i expected to.
    Because of that decision that i made 3 years ago, my social life kind of died with that decision..
    now as i’m approaching a break between finishing high school to getting recruited into the army.. i want to change what annoys me the most, my loneliness..

    I tried my best to give as much info as possible so the advice that i will hopefully get will be as constructive and helpful as it can be.
    I’m really sorry if this turned out to be feeling sorry for myself kind of thread.. Wasn’t my intention.
    Thank you for reading this far, and thank you again if you are going to help me out in anyway possible.

    • This topic was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Olly.
    June 4, 2014 at 6:00 pm #58127
    elet
    Participant

    Olly,
    You said that you were studying hard to get into college, than the narrative change to going to the Army. So, I really don’t know what you want to do, but that maybe because you also don’t know as well.
    Let me tell you one thing I know. Popularity is something seriously over-rated. My opinion is that is better to have only one friend, or at times none, than to have bad friends that are negative company to you, and that provide you with a false sense of camaraderie where no true friendship exist. Sometimes family feels the void, or you just have to wait and try to develop friendly relationships as time goes by. Both college and the Army are great places to make friend. High school is not such a great place to make lifelong friends because we are very young and we are still changing a lot. Just like yourself.
    A lot of people tell you they had their first kiss by 18 y.o and much more That does not mean it is true and that it happens to everyone. It also is an irrelevant fact. There is no set date to do any of it. It does not make you more macho or smarter or anything. The weight issue is a health issue and if you go to the Army they will make you thin or not accept you to begin with. It can be more difficult to find a girlfriend but not impossible. It does not interfere that much with friendships. It may cause problems with your self esteem though.
    You seem to be a pretty nice person as it is. You decided to improve your grades and you accomplished it. I guess you can do whatever you want. You know how to write quite well, you expressed yourself without problems and gave an interesting view of your problems. You say you have insight and acknowledge positive and negative aspects of your personality. Well done.
    There is time for everything in life. Socializing is only a part of it. At your age it may seem like socializing should take 90% of the time but it is not really the case. You need time to rest, to study, to work, to do many things. Socializing is only one aspect of life. Life is not only partying.
    Go to college and study. Let your high school “non-friends” party-only. You don’t need them anyways. You are growing, and they are not.

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