June 19, 2013 at 7:24 am #37188vivek008Participant
A past few days,i had deep mediation.As a result i’ m experiencing spiritual awakening.therefore i am getting tremendous anxiety and confusion.I am afraid this could lead me mental illness.Without any secrets,my confusion was about my past.Let’s i begin my childhood,i grown as lonely boy and spiritual only thing was comfort. me.During my childhood,i had bad teacher,she always beat me whenever,i do any wrong in her subject..I was totally loser at that time and It was first impact in my life.Because of that,i always feel like loser although there is gain and motivation in my life.when i was 18 years old.i meet girl and she was one year elder than me.i felt in love to her and she was like second mother and due of age problems.i never reveal my love and lost the opportunity since she felt another love guy and got engagement.Its was make more feel more loser.However,i do prevent myself problem by exposing philosophy talents and humors stuff to other people.After i had deep meditation,my mind getting clearer and i felt that those people love bcoz my talents but not me and definitely.i said that they will nobody with me..i dunno who is with me and i don’t want loser anymore… please guide for my confusionJune 19, 2013 at 12:18 pm #37196Jenn-ayParticipant
First thing, your meditation is not bringing out any mental illness, it is opening you up to old/current hurts and wounds that need to be addressed.
You have made mistakes. And really, who hasn’t? You liked a girl and didn’t have the confidence or words at the time to tell her how you felt. I have pined over boys and wondered about ex-boyfriends, too. What did I miss? Why didn’t I say this or that? And you know what, yesterday was yesterday, today is today. I can’t change the past; I can only learn from it, and do things differently the next time. Like telling the people, in my life, I love them, regardless if they feel the same way about me or not, but I tell them for the simple reason that I feel it needs to be said.
Your teachers treatment of you as a child is her responsibility or karma — you were a child and were not able to stick up for yourself. Many people don’t know how to stick up for themselves. You know how that teacher made you feel, so what are you going to learn from that? What is going to empower you? Or are you going to blame yourself for something that happened to you that you had no control of? You were no loser, because your teacher, who was in a position of power, decided to beat a defenseless child. Honestly, she was the loser. Someone must feel pretty out-a-control and powerless to beat a child or even think hurting a child is ok.
Now you have people in your life, who you know admire your talents, but you don’t think they like you for who you are. I ask why? Why is it through meditation you are getting this feeling about them? Your unconscious may be right about these people. But could it be possible that your unconscious mind is trying to tell you, you will not feel loved until you love yourself. Are you with yourself? Are you your own best friend? The kind of best friend that would get mad at you for calling yourself a loser. You need to change your perception of yourself. You believe you are a loser, and until you let that image or feeling about yourself go, you can’t see who is standing with you. People can jump up and down, shouting I love you, you are great… but until you believe you are worth friendship, love, greatness, you won’t see it.June 19, 2013 at 10:23 pm #37206vivek008Participant
As spark of wisdom from you, i finally understand within me.Honestly,i read your replied but its was not satisfied me then after few hours,i was realized there has true essensce that what you told.I am a loser because never happy myself and i am not happy myself because never love myself.
therefore i realized that love is the source of true happiness.We make our happiness when gives the love those material things and people expected return to us.However that happniess are not permanent because those things always change and what is never change is the love.When you love within youself.you will get motivated and will utlimately find the true happniess within you….it’s ok if there has unknown fake people in my life but there will be unknown true people,they will know what is meaning true love.One day,i will get to know them and joy with them….Thanks Jeen-ay 🙂