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Disappointed with people

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  • March 21, 2023 at 1:57 am #416506
    Dana
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: right;”>I have never thought it will come to this, but I don’t feel like I have a one single friend. Me, an outgoing, friendly person. The only so called friends, or even one, are a sort of colleagues, most of which I would have never met without our mutual occupation. In the end, I was disappointed with everyone I ever knew. It does not include my parents: they obviously have instinctive parental affection towards me. Perhaps, we are not supposed to have friends after a certain age? May be, friendship is just a faze that ends up somewhere in the middle of life, when everything finally becomes clear? Clear that all relationships are based on egoism?</p>

    March 21, 2023 at 2:34 am #416507
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear Dana,

    I am sorry you’re feeling alone and surrounded only by colleagues, but no friends. You said on your previous thread that you live surrounded by a lot of suffering, and you’re helping non-stop, not really having time for a proper rest either. Are you still living there, in similar circumstances? I am asking because it’s hard to nurture friendships if one is in the survival mode all the time. So this may be contributing to you being without real friends?

    Perhaps, we are not supposed to have friends after a certain age? May be, friendship is just a faze that ends up somewhere in the middle of life, when everything finally becomes clear? Clear that all relationships are based on egoism?

    It seems you were hurt by relationships, that’s why you believe they are based on egoism.

    In the end, I was disappointed with everyone I ever knew.

    How did those people hurt you (if you’d like to share some more)?

    It does not include my parents: they obviously have instinctive parental affection towards me.

    Unfortunately, not all parents have that. It’s not that instinctive (it wasn’t for my mother, for example). So I just want to ask: have you really felt loved and supported by you parents, or perhaps a part of the disappointment is stemming from them too?

     

    March 21, 2023 at 3:22 am #416508
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Dana

    Your situation is not an uncommon one, but it does feel like everyone else has great friendships especially if you believe what lots of people write on social media! Do you differentiate between being alone & lonely ie you can be in a room full of people you know & yet still feel lonely or be by yourself on a mountain and feel content with your own company.

    I guess we need to find our clan/ clans this is either like minded people or common cause/hobby. So look at what interests you or brings you joy and then find a group near you to join.  Also friendships do not have a set duration or intensity so look at how you define friendship & what are your expectations.

    Each day I remind myself of my intentions ” May I have integrity in all my relationships” along with “May I keep my judgement clear” along with when, who, & what  When is Now this moment Who is Whomever you are with or Yourself if you are alone & What is to Care. This way I get many moments of micro friendships throughout the day and am not relying on just one source to give & receive the nourishment of connection.

    I  live & care for my 92 year old father who has dementia and we try to get out each day so as not to become isolated and I open up  my home to be used for a coffee morning once a week and run to meditation sessions from here as well this all contributes to feeling connected.

    I hope that you quickly find ways to nourish a sense of connection.

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