Do I need to learn to be more grateful for my relationship

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    Hey lovely people,
    I’m really hoping you can provide some advice on something I’m confused with currently.

    I’ve been with my partner for just over a year and when we’re together, it’s wonderful, but I find it hard to feel connected to him when we’re apart. He is training for a new job which absorbs a huge amount of his time and at the moment we only get to see each other once a week. I’m 36, have never been engaged and don’t have any children. I’ve never met any of his friends or family although I need to point out here that he moved away from a lot of his friends to complete the training and he’s about 2 hour drive from his family, but he still sees them when he can. We’ve spoken about getting married, but when we’re apart I feel lonely and insecure. I’ve not spoken to him about this because I don’t want to make an issue of something if it’s not there.
    I guess in essence I’m asking if I need to be more grateful for what I have with him? I have a wonderful man who I think is fantastic company, makes me feel so content, has broken down so many barriers from previous relationships and makes me feel so special when we’re together. Do I just feel lonely because I don’t have a big social life and I’m leaning on him too much for company? Do I only want to be engaged/married, live together and have children to make me feel accepted?.


    Dear Karen:

    I think it is natural to feel connected to a person you like when in their physical presence and to not feel as connected when not in their physical presence.

    Whatever you feel is okay. There is a valid message behind what you feel at any time. You already brought up possible messages: ne that you are lonely (not having enough social life) and the other that you yearn to be engaged and married.

    Share more, if you’d like.




    You’ve been together for a year and you haven’t met any of his friends or family? That’s curious. Has he met yours? Now, there’s no “correct” timetable for relationships, nor is a requisite that you each meet all the players in one another’s lives, but if there’s a discussion of marriage there should be plans to meet all these people at some point…especially if he has children.

    Anita’s right, whatever you feel, insecurity or loneliness is OK – but go that extra mile and ask why you feel that way, and more importantly why you aren’t talking about it with your partner. Are you scared? If so, why? Say (for example…I don’t want to put thoughts into your head, but I need something for the sake of argument) you’re frightened that his workload won’t change and he won’t be around as often as you like. Aren’t these issues/fears best addressed early? You can tell a lot about the health of a relationship if you feel comfortable bringing up concerns with the other person. You should never feel embarrassed or worried about discussing your hopes and fears with your partner…provided you do it in a respectful manner.

    As to the issue of you being grateful, well, while gratitude is important, I think the real question you should be asking is, “is this relationship what I want and in alignment with my greatest good?” Again, there’s no right or wrong answer, as we all have different needs. While nobody gets everything that they want, be careful that compromise doesn’t turn into sacrificing who you are.

    So be thankful to have someone you care about, but don’t settle. Express your concerns to your partner, work on yourself (which is what we all should be doing, regardless of our relationship status)…don’t be afraid to enlist the assistance of a trained professional like a therapist. If you don’t have a support system while you’re partner is away, it’s key to find someone to talk to in the meantime.

    Best of luck!

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