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June 1, 2015 at 8:24 pm #77601
AnonymousInactiveI’m currently in college as an non-traditional student, and am searching for work. Despite having a high GPA, completing to-do lists, staying on top of things, having a loving supporting family, I don’t feel satisfied, even when accomplishing tasks. After something is finished, I think I can do better, like getting over a 100 on a test, getting a job in less than a week. Even perfection isn’t enough, going above and beyond is what I want. Maybe it’s because I have just one friend, or have never dated. Some have said I simply have high standards, which is good, and others say I’m picky, or know what I want. But even after getting what I want, it’s not enough.
June 2, 2015 at 8:21 am #77613AnonymousGuestDear bluecharles:
Do you remember when or how this “going above and beyond” need start?Do you want more than one friend? Do you want to date? If so, how do you feel about having one friend and not having dated yet?
Need you to share more so to understand better…
anitaJune 2, 2015 at 3:04 pm #77622AnonymousInactiveAbsolutely! It started last fall when I moved to go back to school. I don’t want many friends, more like two to four pals who are close and I can spend time with, like the Golden Girls. I totally want to date, especially as I feel tremendous envy towards those who are already in a relationship, and seem to have standards a quarter as high as mine. Having a single friend feels pretty lonely, and she said I need more people to bounce off of. Making friends with people in my age group (20s) seems so difficult as it seems like I have so little in common with others.
June 2, 2015 at 7:42 pm #77638AnonymousGuestDear bluecharles:
You watch/ed the Golden Girls- I didn’t imagine a twenty year old would watch a show about older women- and it is an old show. Liked it too. Yes, I too was a very, very lonely 20 something year old. Oh, so lonely. I too wanted a love story with a guy at that age (and before and later). If you got one friend, you can get more, one more (one at a time until you have 3 friends like in the Golden Girls!) I don’t know much about you. There are ways to meet guys but I will say take SMALL steps, one at a time- one little step toward meeting someone and proceed cautiously, slowly. That is my gut feeling. I hope your perfectionism relaxes – especially in the context of that future relationship you are hoping for…
anitaJune 2, 2015 at 8:04 pm #77641AnonymousInactiveThere’s lots of things that make me unique: I don’t use smart phones or watch TV nor care about popular culture, nor use slang, and rarely curse or drink. You nailed that I can be a perfectionist, and some roommates said my voice doesn’t change tone. But I’m not *always* lonely, as it rarely hurts, it’s more of bottled up feeling. Dating is on the back burner anyways, just finding some people that compliment me will do.
June 8, 2015 at 1:08 pm #77894
Bethany RosselitParticipantHi Bluecharles,
Perfectionism is often a fear-based attempt to control things that are out of our control. The way to uncover WHY you are having these kind of thoughts is to be curious about them. What is it you are afraid of? Why do you think you’re not good enough?
Ask “why” a lot. It’s a long process, but you will eventually discover the truth about yourself and find peace.
June 8, 2015 at 1:47 pm #77897AnonymousInactiveBut what if you achieve your goals? I am afraid of failing, but have always rectified my problems with relative ease. I certainly think I’m good enough now, as I remembered that I have several more friends that I thought and got a perfect score on a 1500 word essay today. I’m starting to get exactly what I want, and am enjoying it, it just took a little longer that expected.
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