Dear Wisdom:

Excellent thread!

I will not lie to you and never did: I wrote to you and am writing to you the truth as I know it, as I learned it and as I am learning it. You did not get trickery from me, “convenient thinking,” that is: what feels good to think although it is not true. And no push from me to think positive, only realistically. I encourage to think what is real not what is positive.

1) “1 – what makes anyone so “worthy” of love? usually that’s what everyone says. is that even true or are you just buttering everyone up?” We are born worthy, that’s all I can come up with. Truly, we are. Some of us are loved as babies and young children so we know we are worthy simply because we were born that way, and many of us were not loved as babies and children so we don’t know we are worthy of love. In any case we are worthy of love. Many of us simply don’t know it.

2)”– what’s the difference between true intuition and just a good feeling about the thought of something that you really want?”
Just feeling good is like you are eating a cookie: it tastes good and feels good inside and when you are done eating it, you want to feel good again and have another cookie, and if you do another and another, you end up feeling badly. True intuition is like you are eating a cookie and as you eat it, you notice it tastes good. You notice you are getting excited and are already planning on having another cookie, before you even finished the first one, and you are already feeling distress about having to many. And you remember, as you are still eating the first cookie, you remember how uncomfortable you feel when you eat too many cookies. And you remember that in the past you pushed these thoughts away by eating another cookie. So taking all this into consideration, you finish the first cookie and you close the package with the rest of the cookies and put it away.

..And you can’t believe you did just that. The taste of the cookie is still in your mouth but you also feel pride in yourself that you put the rest away. You know intuitively that you do need to feel good by eating a cookie once in a while AND you know that you also need to feel pride in yourself for practicing reasonable control over your behavior.

I wrote more than I planned so I will stop here, wait for your response. Please take your time and really read what i wrote before you reply. Once you reply and I see that you did your best to consider my answers, after any more discussion about the first two questions, I will attempt answering the others. No rush!

anita

Dear Wisdom:

I wasn’t offended by .. anything you ever wrote on tiny buddha, Wisdom. You are not offensive. You are honest and always have been respectful to me and quite assertive, which I like very much. You are not the type to be easily pushed around.. or convinced easily by anything! You do have your own mind, quite an independent thinker and I like it very much!

And true, sometimes I get tired of you going on and on about this or that, but when I am tired, I take a little break and come back to you. I have lots of patience with you and in so being, I encourage myself to be patient with myself (and I require a whole lot of patience with myself!)

As far as the last topic in your post above: “who are we worthy for?” What an excellent question! See, this is what I mean by you being an independent thinker, only an independent thinker will come up with this question and as I type this, I have no idea if I have an answer to this… Who are we worthy for…? You are absolutely right, Wisdom! Yes, as the social animals that we are, we can’t be worthy all alone! This is why a child cannot possibly know she is worthy if she is not treated as worthy by a parent! That makes total sense.

Well, then my answer is: you, Wisdom, are worthy to me… or for me…I mean, if I am the only one who knows you as much as I do, the only living person who knows you AND I like you as you are, then you are worthy to me, and if you’d like you can be worthy for me (I am not sure about the “to” and “for” here).

“Why can’t we ever be worthy for the people we like very much?” Oh, this is the heartache, for the child, not being worthy to the person they like the most, the parent (mother usually). That is the tragedy, the beginning of it.

As far as the guy you like, well thing is, he doesn’t know you. He is not the one having these communications that you and I are having! So he doesn’t even know you…

As far as the first part of your last post: all your hope for love is in this guy, in a future with this guy and you are worried it will not happen. So this engagement with him, in your mind, is distressing you because you are aware of the possibility that it will not happen. Most of the interactions you have with this guy are in your head only, of course. Be it destiny or not, what is going on regarding this guy is almost all happening in between your ears. It would have been nice if there was nothing but pleasure and comfort in such engagement. Shame it is distressing.

You are welcome to keep engaged with him in between your ears, that is. And outside, the little communication you do have with him on line. If you were ready and willing, I would have encouraged more of a communication online and even meeting with him in person, but I don’t think you want that, being too afraid of the possibility there will not be love there.

When I write it is mostly between your ears, I mean that all this time it has been mostly fantasy. It may be reality, how do i know, i can’t tell the future. But so far, so far it has been mostly fantasy, almost all of it, has been fantasy.

Again, you are welcome to keep this fantasy. I just wished it was the kind of fantasy that gave you pleasure and comfort, not anxiety, confusion and distress!

anita

Dear Wisdom:

I just thought about you big time: please read the thread: “the law of attraction- my thoughts” I just commented on it, here on tiny buddha. I am very curious and interested to know what you think about it. I will finish here so that if you get this message soon, you can read the thread and maybe comment there!

And I will post again after i read your latest post, in a moment.

anita

Good evening Wisdom 🙂

Saw your post earlier and wanted to respond but I have been driving my older brother to Scottsdale Shea hospital to see his friend terry who has cancer, as she just had some of her intestines removed. So she’s in recovery. So I’ve been helping him out since I know her too and sympathize. I’m using my phone right now to respond which isn’t the best. But I will be home in an hour at my computer to respond a lot better.

Anyway, I will be posting again to you in an hour.

Lots of positivity, love and light your way.

M

When I write, I don’t lie and I am at peace while writing these things because I lead a peaceful life. If I didn’t care about others I wouldn’t give them advice from the heart.

1 – what makes anyone so “worthy” of love? usually that’s what everyone says. is that even true or are you just buttering everyone up?

Yes, being worthy of love is true regardless of want anybody thinks because love is the most powerful emotion in this world. 2nd to that is fear. In order to well receive love, you must be able to have an open heart, accept love and love yourself as well.

2 – what’s the difference between true intuition and just a good feeling about the thought of something that you really want?

Good intuition depends on the individuals energy. Some people are a lot more sensitive and in tune with the energy around them, than others. Good feeling comes with trusting yourself and trusting your decisions.

3 – how do you know if someone isn’t interested? how do you…get someone to talk to you? yeah, you can’t make anyone do anything, but how do you have a genuine conversation with someone?

Be willing to listen, compassionate, be understanding and also be open and honest with the person about your feelings too.

4 – how do you know if you should just stay away? how do you know if you just suck and someone doesn’t even like you at all?

If someone says “Stay away” from their own mouth to you when they are calm, then stay away. If they say that to you, when they are upset then it can’t be taken seriously, as people aren’t rational when they are mad.

“there’s probably other questions i have to ask but i guess they’ll come to me later. please don’t lie about a thing. i’m sick of the trickery.”

Wisdom,

There is no lying or trickery coming from me. There’s no need for it on my end. You may ask more question when you are ready.

Sending lots of love, positivity and light your way…

M.

Hi Wisdom,

I enjoyed your free thinking and questioning in your posts. If I may share an idea or two…..

1) Worthy – My understanding of this word surrounds worth. What is my worth to myself or to someone else. Worth has a value point, or a score as such, which is by its own nature limited.

If my worthiness within is a value, then it is also changeable. This is something I could reevaluate and measure myself. Be my own cheerleader or critic. If it is worthiness from someone else, then this is something I can not control, and the only thing I can do to is accept what they choose. Remember acceptance does not mean agree, nor does it mean I am obligated to devalue my own worthiness based on someone else’s ‘score’ of me. I have tried changing myself, to improve my worthiness in another’s eye, but ultimately, I can never control that, so acceptance is the only true act I have.

My mind wanders from worthiness to love at this point. Love is not limited. Not an ego love, but true love. Perhaps if I were to allow myself to truly love who I am….. then I can not see where worthiness comes into the equation any longer.

2) Intuition vs Feeling – This can be difficult when my mind is busy…. which happens a lot. My simple test is based on the lemon experiment. Imagine a lemon in your mind, and see how you feel…. Now imagine biting into the lemon, and notice the change. It is a strong, loud and physically moving experience – especially if you don’t like eating lemons. Feelings are changeable based on the mind and it’s activity – vibrant, heavy, tingly, shivery etc…. and can go all over the body. This for me is feeling/emotion.

Now take a few slow breaths and rest your mind. Don’t focus on all the thoughts running around. Peacefully ask “Do I love myself” Do not focus on the minds response, but on your body – it is a deeper feeling than the lemon. This is quiet, calm, and expansive with no edge. This for me is intuition.

I am happy to respond with more – but perhaps there is some information in the above to answer your other two questions.

Take care

Evan

Hi Wisdom,

So glad to hear you found something in these ideas. The mind is a slippery one!!!

Reflecting on what you said here… I will validate that what you are going through is so normal, and beating yourself up over the reoccurring pattern of thinking simply gives it more fuel. If I may suggest a few things to keep in mind over the next few days…..

1) The mind has momentum just like a boulder rolling down the hill. Retraining the mind (just like a muscle) is a discipline. So….may as well use some of that mind activity for a self love activity other than the constant barrage of self hurt. Create and use some space in the active mind to visualise you – when your mind is at peace, and you have a calm centre, and really know within, that this is you. Its there, and your thoughts are just making a very loud scenes inside your mind. Just like mine is 🙂

2) Forgive yourself – right now! It’s ok as it is! This stops the mind feeding itself even for a millisecond. Just keep forgiving, and forgiving….. We were not born with an instruction manual that our mind/thoughts can understand. It is written in a language only the heart can read. Your answers really are there, and just like reading a book, you can not read every page at the same time. The answer you need is there, but not when your mind instructs it. When you sense a space in your mind, or a quietness even for a moment….. don’t fill it. Allow it to be and see if a self loving thought takes its place naturally.

3) Worthy – Ok…. just like the momentum of the mind, this will take time. But be worthy for you and only you! You seek worthiness in others at a guess, because you have forgotten how to be worthy from within. Yet… here you are looking within, seeking and doing the work, taking steps, being disciplined. So your sense of worth can immediately start here – “I am being the best I can right now”. Even if this lasts a second or two – if was more than before.

4) Be patient – I love this saying….. You’re not having a life, you are life. The journey of life is the whole thing….. I can not remember the exact Buddha saying, but it something like….. Heaven on earth is here, Hell on earth is here… you get to choose. Knowing what to choose for yourself takes time…. and a whole lot of self love!

I hope this helps a bit, and take it is Wisdom! Go easy on yourself, as your healing is already underway, and just like cleaning up a muddy floor, you are bound to spread some mud around in the process.

Cheers

Evan