ok so what does it mean when a toxic family member also plays a big role in your support system? for example, any time my mother needs assistance with her daughter, her toxic mother is the first person she usually runs to for help. I notice she has gotten complacent with the mistreatment of her mother because she depends on her for a lot of things. She doesn’t set boundaries with her mom. She will complain a GREAT DEAL about her dysfunction and then on another hand puts her on a pedestal because she helps her out. Is this a form of codependency?? I don’t understand why my mother comes to me with all her frustrations and anguish about the dysfunctional patterns in her family but she and her mother never make the effort to find a resolution. this cycle has been repeating itself over and over throughout my childhood and into adulthood and it’s definitely done it’s damage. People are tired and frustrated. Honestly, I could care less wether they find a resolution at this point. I just don’t want to be as codependent as my mother is. I don’t want to be so dependent on someone who is toxic and keeps doing the same things over and over. The adults in my family have a great deal of pride and they say our generation is problematic.

her mother (my grandmother) will even call me when the two of them have an argument and honestly, it’s not that i dont care I just find it extremely silly that they do this. they put people in the middle instead of trying to fix it themselves and it pisses me off because THEY’E THE ADULTS. THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE SETTING AN EXAMPLE. Instead they’re pushing the youth away and making them resent their childish behavior.

On the flip side, When my mom has an issue with me she’ll run to my grandmother to sabotage my side of the story making me feel isolated so I really have just gotten more distant from everyone because no one cares to ever get my perspective on things. No one ever asks how I feel about anything. I’m just supposed to shut up and accept my it for what it is.. my feelings have always been swept under the rug and now that I’m older and gaining a sense of confidence to speak out about it, I just dont understand why they dont see how dysfunctional their behavior is and have the audacity to wonder why people distance themselves.

I have decided to set a boundary by distancing myself emotionally. I still physically live with my mother but I plan to tell her that I no longer wish to hear anything else about her side of them family that’s negative cause I know the outcome. She’s not gonna do anything about it but continue to run behind them so she can complain again. I don’t want to be bothered with it anymore. My grandmother has also been calling me but I dont feel any desire to speak with her right now. I’m trying to focus on transitioning into school which starts Apr 8th..get a job and move out.  Does anyone have any advice on how I can avoid being like my mother in this situation? I don’t want to become dependent on someone who is toxic.  Or how I can set firm boundaries so this cycle wont continue? I know until I move out there’s only so much I can do

They dont realize I’m not a child anymore. I have my own life to live.