Your post on ending a friendship struck a nerve within me. Over this past year I have been on the receiving end of rejection. I was a positive person for the most part and a thoughtful friend. But last spring I went through a difficult life experience and became needier than usual. It seemed that my friend just wasn’t there for me. I felt comfortable enough with her that I thought I could voice my disappointment. She responded defensively and the terms of the friendship started to change. As time went on she seemed more aloof than usual. I initially dismissed it thinking I was being too sensitive. But as time went on I continued to feel a detachment on her part. When we would get together(which became more rare) I didn’t feel that sense of connection that I usually feel when I’m with a good friend. I tried talking with her several times about this and she made it pretty clear that she didn’t want to have conversations about our friendship. I also noticed that she seemed to be avoiding me. I’m not a superficial kind of girl and when there’s a problem I feel it should be dealt with. Her actions(or lack of) spoke volumes to me. It became evident that she really didn’t want to be my friend anymore and I recently told her that I realized this. I think that she was trying to gradually let me go in such a way that my feelings wouldn’t be hurt. I’m pretty perceptive, and instead I ended up feeling discarded and deeply hurt. It would have been kinder to have an honest conversation. I thought that I’d mattered to her. I have a very busy life and other good friends so I’m not really lonely-it’s just that she’d become my closest friend. She knew what I’d been through in life and I completely trusted her. I miss the friendship we used to have and wish that she was open to mending it. She ignores my requests to discuss things further.
I hope that by sharing my story you will see there’s another way. It takes courage but I think you must talk to this friend and not just detach. Even if the friendship can’t continue as it was, you can acknowledge the goodness in each other and wish each other well. Ignoring your friend is not showing compassion;it’s actually damaging to his/her soul. In time, I hope to recover and trust in friendships again.

I would caution you about bringing in a mutual friend to help you mediate confronting your friend. That may do more harm than good. It has the potential to strain the relationship your mutual friend has with the friend you wish to confront. It may also place that mutual friend in the uncomfortable position of having to take a side, which could cause the friend who is confronted to lose respect for the mutual friend and further erode the respect & trust she has in you. It may also cause the mutual friend to resent you for placing him or her in the middle of this situation.

Futhermore, the friend who you wish to confront may feel ambushed and attacked, causing her to become very defensive. I’ m not sure that interventions actually work. If you do decide that having an intermediary is the best route, perhaps seeking a completely neutral one or a professional who specializes in conflict resolution will work out much better than getting this mutual friend involved. However, it’s courageous of you to recognize that you may not be able to resolve this strained relationship with your friend single-handedly, so I commend you for seeking advice on this forum and thinking about who among your friendship circle can be trusted to help.

Good luck in resolving this conflict with your friend. I truly hope you two can see eye to eye and heal any misgivings you may have in your friendship.

Peace and Blessings!