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    Right now, I’m feeling frustrated, anxious, bored, lonely, angry, jealous, sad, critical, and greedy. In a little while, I’ll feel playful, eager, generous, open-minded, loving, and confident. And this cycle will repeat over and over and over again, day to day, week to week, month to month, year to year until I die no matter what.

    To me enlightenment is accepting that this cycle is the reality of living and to struggle against it is futile. This is the human condition and it’s unstoppable. The moment I think that I can hold onto a moment, a feeling, a positive state, is exactly when I’m deluding myself. Conversely, I’m delusional if I think I can get rid of a negative state or distract myself from it or try to make sure it never happens again. Enlightenment is letting go of the struggle for or against these emotions and accepting whatever is. Not reacting or acting on it, but letting it wash over you like a wave.

    Borrowing from his Hindu background, I think that’s what Buddha meant when he talked about samsara. It’s not just the cycle of living and dying in the physical sense, but also the cycle of emotions that we feel as part of life and the struggle that we experience in trying to hold on to or get rid of an emotional state based on whether we judge it to be positive or negative. Suffering or dukkha is the energy we expound in the holding on or the trying to get rid of.

    Your thoughts?


    They tell you in meditation to notice your thoughts, then let them go and return to your mantra, your breathing, or whatever you were focusing on in meditation. I find when I close my eyes to meditate, enlightening thoughts and insights come to me.

    Right now, I’m dealing with sadness and regrets related to my ex-husband’s losing battle with cancer. So when I close my eyes, I focus on Spirit being what we all really are, not our bodies, names, personalities or politics. And when we leave our bodies, we’re merely getting out of the earth-suits we took on to interact in the physical world. Then our Spirit once again joins all of Spirit. As I experience the sadness of losing a friend, I can be grateful that soon, he will leave behind an earth-suit that has been very painful to wear for months. And his Spirit will return to Spirit. Only by letting go of the physical can we once again become Spirit — free, unlimited, and eternal.

    I welcome any thoughts from others about life and death.


    Thank you for sharing your experience Liz.

    I like your description of how your processing your emotions. From your post, I get the sense that you’re really trying to personify the sadness and regret and channeling it through you.


    hello Peter,

    All I can tell you is that you WILL get out of this emotional impasse. It seems funny how I was about to start a topic on how I have finally gotten out of that exact same situation you are living through, then I saw post and decided to read it. God brought us together =)
    Ever since I was 15 years old, my life has been all about the inside rather than the outside world; emotions, doubts, questions, feelings, sadness, happiness. I never understood why I felt that way, so different from everyone else. I looked at people, including my family and they appeared to me as “robots” (that’s what I like to call people who don’t have the privilege of experiencing what we are experiencing and live merely on the material and physical world). All that time I had to go through ups and downs exactly as you described yours, but every time I fell, I got up even stronger, closer to true form, wiser and much more intuitive and sensitive. But I have to admit that every time I fell it also felt darker and much more depressive. There were times when I started crying out of nothing and this cycle repeated for about 11 years, which means im 26 right now =)
    2 months ago, something extraordinary and unexplainable happened to me, of course, It was not out of nothing. I was feeling a little depressed and emotional about some relationship problems and thanks to that I finally and truly became to realize the power within me. It was like somehow those emotional problems I was having pushed myself to my limits and I broke free. I became so close to my soul, to my true form (whatever you want to call it) that I love myself so much right now and I am able to express it on the outside without being needy or expecting the same thing from other people. I feel like somehow I am finally free to do whatever I want. I became extremely intuitive and sensitive to other people’s feelings. I even decided to test it and could easily tell how people felt even by just texting me! it is incredible =) sometimes I feel surges of energy, of emotion in my heart, like something is alive and vibrating inside and I get so much clarity of mind that I can finally understand why everything happened the way it did and where things are headed.
    I just want you to know that you should never give up, keep pushing yourself because in the end you will feel like you won’t live long enough to thank god for what happened to you and how you will end up feeling. it is truly a gift. I am telling you this from the bottom of my heart and being as sincere as I can.
    The answer is withink yourself =)

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