Jeroen,

I’d say that I’m sorry about your situation but I’m really not, for this is an opportunity for you to work on yourself and be better than ever. You said that she made you feel confident. Well, here is one thing that perhaps you can work on now. Here’s the secret, people can sniff out confidence like its some kind of sixth sense.

Believe in yourself, and have full confidence in yourself, (try some affirmations, they are powerful tools). When you achieve this, you’ll find that the quality of people that enter your life will be much higher than your ex-girlfriend. In fact, if this never happened, you probably wouldn’t ever need to work on believing yourself and becoming stronger within so this is truly an opportunity for you.

If you don’t take it, then you’re in trouble. But I know that you won’t do that, because while you work on yourself and loving yourself, you’ll have the double benefit of not only being on another level, but also never looking back at that old relationship you had.

Your situation calls for overwhelming force, that is, use all the tools in your arsenal (don’t have many? get more, like affirmations) to better yourself and avoid thinking about her. Try to even make a list of what you don’t like about her, this may help, it helped me see that I have so much more to offer and that I was being held back this whole time.

Stick to no-contact (that is, you never initiate contact). keep it short and civil if you have to interact with her. You have a ton of time now that you’re free (yea i said it, you’re free, oh no!!), so take up a new hobby, go to the gym and get shredded (a personal favorite), spend more time with friends and family. Nurture yourself, this is the time to act and improve, do so before time passes and you get comfortable again with where you are, fight the urge to not do anything with yourself. You’ll be glad you work hard in the end

You got this, the biggest challenges are made out for the strongest people. This is a big challenge…. so , I think you get the message.

Cheers,

Singh

She is playing games, don’t fall into the trap of believing that every “glance”, every short topic and every interaction is her showing you that she still “loves” you. Don’t start thinking that. Jealousy is surely at play here and it is clearly backfiring on her at times. Don’t feed her ego, don’t start opening up and being all mushy with her, because then you are just validating her pride and she can keep you in her pocket while she looks of other fun.

Listen, whether or not you two end up together again is dependent on if you do or do not stay on No Contact. This means, YOU DO NOT initiate conversation EVER. If she does then its all good, but still, keep doing what you’re doing and keep it short and always end it yourself. Quit the cheesy glances bro, this is just you telling yourself that they mean something more than what they are. That is extremely dangerous for your health because it gives you hope.

Hope is weak, have faith instead. There is a quote I once heard that goes like this: Hope runs through the fire whereas faith leaps right over it. Have faith. To have faith you must continue to work on YOU, which is why you are in no contact. This will never end, this self improvement that you are starting to achieve. Once you have faith, then you won’t need hope that something good happens for you in the future, you’ll just know that it will.

Again, in order to get to the crossroads where option A is to get back together and option B is to continue and find something new, you MUST get over her. You must get to the point where you couldn’t give two shits about what she is doing. You want to just want this person, not need her. This will take time, and that is good because it takes time to improve yourself on the inside. Chances are, and I know you don’t want to hear this right now, that when you get over her, you’ll find that there are so many other women out there that are worth your time and who are way better than she ever was for you.

Another cool thing is that when you actually get over her, she will sense it in you and feel a higher sense of loss; you wont have to say a word, your demeanor and actions will project this automatically. But until then you must be strong and stop looking for glimmers of hope. Fake it till you make it. Fight hard man, I personally know how difficult it is, but every time you stop and look at her with hope and think there’s a chance you might get together, the easier it is for HER to move on and you to linger there feeling like crap.

Be natural, be yourself, she is not going to affect you any longer, tell yourself everyday: ” I release the need to care about **** anymore”.

Just like your affirmations, its all about repetition, no matter how unbelievable it is in the beginning, your mind will learn to accept it.

You will be looking back in the near future and thinking: “wow, I probably would not be where I am today if that past relationship didn’t end, I would not be as confident and happy with myself had that not happened, I would’ve been needy and comfortable”. Now that you’re learning that you are the only person responsible for your own happiness, you will find that the next relationship that you are in will be SO MUCH more amazing than the last because you are one complete guy going in, and not somebody who is still finding themselves, looking for comfort in another.

Keep up the good work >:]3

• This reply was modified 10 years, 7 months ago by SIngh.