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Jeroen

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  • #84741
    Jeroen
    Participant

    Dear Name,

    I feel exactly the same. I want to improve my social skills, i want to know what kind of job i want. I want to enhance myself into the person i want to be. But each time when its up to me, i just give up and focus on something pointless like entertainment to ignore the fact to deal with the situation.

    It just feels like there is so much to improve that its an endless task. Even when its a small improvement it just doesnt feel like enough for me to turn into the person i want to be

    Just wanted you to know you’re not alone

    #69049
    Jeroen
    Participant

    After a breakup allot of people, usually the dumped, still has hope it will all work out.

    Or people are in pain and try to get over their ex-loved one.

    No-Contact rule is a great solution for both scenarios. Even when you have hope, you doubt the outcome will be what you have been dreaming about all this time. But your also moving on.

    By the time the NC rule is over, you’ll be a completely different person. Able to see what you really want, not clouded by heavy emotions like 90 days earlier.

    NC makes moving on, and loosing hope better to handle.
    Its not easy, most certaintly not. But its something allot of people get strength from. Which is exactly what they need in their time of pain and sorrow.

    #69047
    Jeroen
    Participant

    Right after the breakup, you both are not the same anymore. You are Hurt. She is trying tot move past you. Everytime you two meet it hurts again.

    Basicly, she doesnt want you as her lover. But she wants tot keep the benefits of having you around. Is that something you can live with?

    Maybe this girl was covering up a part of yourself you don’t want to face. Insecurity of being alone, is this girl really this special if she keeps dumping me? Should you give yourself to someone who doesn’t fully want to be with you, and be there for you?

    #68760
    Jeroen
    Participant

    Just saying. When he insisted on you telling how many guys you talk to, he was not checking what he was up against. He was checking what kind of girl you are. ‘Nice try, but i got 5 more people trying. Try better’.

    #68646
    Jeroen
    Participant

    @Yue At work i have a whole other attitude then i have outside work. Right after the breakup i felt like crap and i let them know that by practicly just being present and do my job and talk to no one. But later on i showed a version of me who was happy, went on with his life(faking it but that is half as good lol).

    I’m not mad at her, after the breakup i got to know myself so much better then i did before. I learned allot about my fears, which i always have had troubles facing.


    @Anne
    I do see her as the perfect girl, i lost my girlfriend and my best friend. That’s a huge hole in your daily life. Takes allot of time to fill that time up yourself. The thing is, she was very patient with me. In the first couple of months of our relationship she was talking about moving out. But we simple couldn’t yet. She pushed me to finish my last college year, but i was unmotivated. Hiding my fear of a scary future i was uncertain of. At some point, she didnt care anymore and let me just live my life. That’s where she started doubting the idea us in the future. It takes two to make it, thats right. But she really tried to make it work but i just wouldn’t put real effort in our future. So at one point she was just fed up with it and left.

    And i feel like if i had talked the talk and walk the walk, it would be all fine.
    If i would have just been there for her the way she needed me too.. i just couldnt see, or acknowledge, what that was.

    #65218
    Jeroen
    Participant

    Well, every person has their basic ideal of a relationship. Things they ‘want’ or ‘require’ in a relationship. When your together for two years, she must have realised one of those ‘requirements’ fell short in the relationship. Isnt there anything she may have mentioned over the last two years, things she would like differently? I dont believe that after two years you just fall out of love. You realise something is missing. A person can’t end a relationship after one weekend of doubting. Something has been on her mind a lot longer.

    #65216
    Jeroen
    Participant

    When your loved one breaks up with you, everybody starts to blame themselves. Doubting everything that happened in the relationship for the last couple of months. Howmuch of it was real? Howmuch was fake? Did he/she mend what he/she said to me? Were it all lies? Is it my fault? What did i do wrong? Where did it go wrong? Why am i not good enough?

    Then, you start to accept. Your still hurt, but you can put the pain away in a little box. It still hurts, but by time you will be able to look back from an objective perspective. Maybe you’ll never get the answers to your questions, but you will be able to live with ‘not knowing’. Its a hard process, and personally im not there yet. But i know/hope i will.

    #65215
    Jeroen
    Participant

    “She’s one of these people that makes her mind up then locks everything away in a box, never to be seen again.’

    My ex was exactly like that. She had this confidence that was so beautiful but daunting. When she was figuring out something herself and she had a conclusion, she would be totally convinced. And nobody could her change her mind.
    I kind of admire that, but i hate it aswell because its all over now.

    Your girlfriend left you quite quickly. All of the sudden everything changed. I think you deserve some answers. Not knowing is the worst part of it all. If all you ‘had’/’have’ mend anything to her, she should give you at least the reason of breaking up.

    but that is just my two cents.

    #65214
    Jeroen
    Participant

    Sorry for the late reply. I’ve really had some weird days behind me. One day i have to work with them both and i have the mindset of ‘What you did to me was cruel, but screw it do what you want ill survive’. And the day after im all depressed and sad. This girl made me see life through different glasses, made me see parts of my personality i never knew i had. I thought i was emotionally uncapable of having feelings before i met her. And now she’s gone and dating another co-worker.

    Thanks for the reply Sur, after i read that the other day, it made me have a positive day 🙂

    Its hard not to text her though. When we talk on work i try to keep the conversation short and just talk about work stuff. but she keeps coming to me talk about random stuff. My reaction to those stories is always short and i go on with what i was doing. But those conversations make me feel like she still has feelings for me.
    Sometimes a sad song comes up on the radio and just for a second we share this glance.

    Yesterday we had a replacement for a person who couldnt come to work, it was a female friend of mine i havnt seen in a while. My ex didnt like her because she had this nickname for me and she didnt like her talking to me when we were dating. So ofcourse i talked to her all day and i noticed my ex trying to make contact even more. And she was acting kind of jumpy in the beginning.

    What does this mean? Is it that she is jealous and doubting her decision dumping me? Or is it just that she still loves me, but we are not right for a relationship together, only she is still jealous? Or she was just acting jumpy because she noticed what i was doing?

    #65211
    Jeroen
    Participant

    You could roll over and ‘give’ him what he wants, but you just laying there is not what he wants.
    He wants the intimacy. You laying there and him doing his thing isn’t attractive at all. What you gave him is
    an opportunity to loose his ‘pressure’ and go to sleep. He can do that on his own when you are not around.
    He wants it to be you, and him. I think he just struggles emotionally. Doubting the fact if the fire is still present between you two.

    You can say i love you, but for me personally, the intimacy is very important.
    You need to give him some assurance that you’re really working on what your saying your working on.

    I made that mistake myself and lost the girl of my life. She came to me with a problem. I Listened to her, and said i would put more effort in solving the problem. And it was all ‘good’ after. (They never forget!!) Then the next day i would work on the problem, maybe a little bit on the day after that. but then i just forgot about it.

    Basically what im trying to say is, then you talk the talk, walk the walk.
    You cant have a successful relationship without listening. Sometimes it takes a little work, sometimes it takes a lot of work. Practice what you preach, do in deeds what you claim in words.

    I hope this helps.

    Greetings.

    • This reply was modified 8 years ago by Jeroen.
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