Is it him or me?

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This topic has 11 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 10 months ago by PryingMiMi.

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December 4, 2014 at 3:04 pm #68759

PryingMiMi
Participant

So I’m talking to this guy and everything seem to be going very well. Conversation has been going well and we are looking for the same thing. I saved his contact as IC ( dont ask why… Im random lol). Anyway, I meant to send a text to my friend Izella, and Siri must have sent to him, but once I realized that I sent the wrong text to him, I said “I’m sorry about that. Don’t mind my phone LOL.” He assumed and I was sending the text to a guy. He said “that was for another guy? I got competition huh!” And I said “that was for one of my study partners, but there are a few contenders ;).” He insisted on me telling him how man guys I talked to, so he knew what he was up against. I wrote 4x+12=32. He asked whether I talked to 32 guys and I said “God no… 5 guys.( hence, x=5). That is entirely too much; I am not that type of woman! ” After that, he said “okay. Well I would rather talk to someone that more than 20% focus on me… Adios”.

December 4, 2014 at 3:17 pm #68760

Jeroen
Participant

Just saying. When he insisted on you telling how many guys you talk to, he was not checking what he was up against. He was checking what kind of girl you are. ‘Nice try, but i got 5 more people trying. Try better’.

December 4, 2014 at 3:30 pm #68761

Spidey
Participant

Essentially his humour didn’t match yours. I would say it’s more on his end really. He probably read too much into it.

December 4, 2014 at 3:50 pm #68766

Anne
Participant

Purely a personal perspective… I find his behaviour quite childish. But from a dispassionate point of view, he just had different expectations about what chatting meant, and how exclusive it would be. That’s not a bad thing, but (back to personal viewpoint) the way he handled the situation leaves much to be desired.

December 4, 2014 at 5:29 pm #68776
Matt Turner
Participant
Hi,

This is a communication issue. What drives you to both communicate this way is interesting.

I think being honest with yourself and others in a clear and courteous way might help here. Sounds like you both are tip toeing around what the real conversation should be.

And in answer to your post title – it’s both of you!

Good luck!

Matt.
- This reply was modified 10 years ago by Matt Turner.
December 5, 2014 at 7:26 am #68801

lisa
Participant

You are well rid of him! dont give him a second thought. He shouldnt be asking you how many guys you talk to anyway.
not his business. Sounds childish. move on.

December 5, 2014 at 8:52 am #68803

Dustin Christian
Participant

I agree with Matt. It sounds like you both were playing a game and it didn’t go the way either of you liked.

December 5, 2014 at 8:52 am #68804

regina
Participant

He got jealous. It seems like (considering he’s a good guy) that he was under the impression that you two were the only ones talking and that eventually something would come out of it. Depending on how old you two are, I wouldn’t say he’s being childish. He clearly knows what he wants and that’s to talk to a girl who’s completely focused on him. I think now its up to you, depending on how serious you are about him, to decide what you want.

December 10, 2014 at 2:19 am #69041

xWhy
Participant

He wanted to be treated as more than a toy for a girl? That is soooooo childish! (Sarcasm) He respected himself enough to not be second string, and did not play into what was manipulative behavior on your part. You got beat in a game of your own creation. So go find another person to puppet, or grow up and don’t play games. Go find a boy, because you just missed out on a man.

December 11, 2014 at 10:06 am #69105

Anne
Participant

xwhy, what makes you feel that he was being used as a toy? I didn’t get the sense that this was anything more than a a mismatch of expectations. (Though in retrospect, I can see that I’ve projected childish motives onto him with my personal view)

December 11, 2014 at 12:35 pm #69116

xWhy
Participant

This woman tried to initiate “the chase” by leading the guy to believe that he had a large competition with other men. This is manipulative behavior because she was trying to create the illusion that she had a higher value than she does. Rather than just being up front and direct she attempted to control his behavior by misrepresenting. To me that is treating someone as a toy. This behavior, had he bought into it, would have continued into their relationship. It’s not miscommunication. But it is different expectations in that she expected him to chase her, and he doesn’t do that. Thanks for asking, it allowed me to elaborate!

January 23, 2015 at 1:11 pm #71833

PryingMiMi
Participant

Dear xWhy,

Thankfully, I hadn’t pulled a random number guys, that I was talking to out of thin air. There were four other guys, whom I was getting to know at the time. I was bothered that you believe I was trying to intiate a chase of some sort. It was not my intention to make him “chase” me. I made a joke expressing the amount of guys I talk to. When you first begin dating, it is actually normal to entertain the company of more than one person, especially if you are not intimate with them. My belief is, unless you and someone plan to start a serious relationship, he or she is entitled to speaking with someone else.
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