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  • #272977
    grounded
    Participant

    Following up from my old post, I told my ex-boyfriend that I wanted to be exclusive, and that if he wants to keep his options open then i’m not an option. We’ve only been broken up for 2 months, and he was flirting and talking to me again. He’s on dating apps right now, which is why i needed to tell him that if he wants to be with me, then he can’t be out there looking for other people or something else. He told me he needs time to think about it and will let me know.

    I’m not sure what to do next. I love him very much, what if he says no i don’t want to be exclusive? Do i walk away? Do we stay friends? Is it over forever? What if he says yes? Just needed to vent and feel my feelings for a bit as I have no idea what he will say and i’m afraid that i’ll lose him for good.

    #272983
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear  grounded:

    On the other thread you wrote that you broke up because neither one of you was happy in the relationship. Do you want to elaborate on that? I ask because it  is relevant to your questions on this thread.

    anita

    #272987
    grounded
    Participant

    He is not happy and looking for external sources for make him happy, or he is “figuring stuff out”… and I was unhappy because he wasn’t happy and at the time I was unhappy because I started feeling lonely in the relationship since he was pulling away to figure things out. The three times I’ve seen him, he seems happier, he’s working on figuring things out and being with him makes me happy, he is open and more giving than he was before.

    #273021
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear grounded:

    If  you aim at being grounded in reality (your name here), then my answer to “what if he says no I don’t want to be exclusive? Do  I walk away?”- yes. Because you don’t want to be an  option for him, you want to be the chosen one, the one he chooses.

    “Do we stay friends?”- no, because from what you shared, this will not be comfortable for you.

    “Is  it over forever?”- likely. Most relationships do end before “death do us apart”, most often way, way before.

    “What if he says yes” – then ask him what he figured out that led  him to choose you (“he is ‘figuring stuff out’… he wasn’t happy.. he was pulling away to figure things out”).

    It doesn’t read to me that he is willing to have an exclusive relationship with you because  he was unhappy in the relationship with you from one point on and  is happier now,  after the breakup: “he  is open and more giving than he was before”.

    Reads like he likes you, is attracted to you but is excited about the idea that he can  date  other women as well, and is not committed to you.

    This is a difficult time  for you, I understand, because you love him so much.  It is difficult to wait for his answer, but it has  been difficult for a while, ever since he tried  to get  out of the relationship, hasn’t it?

    anita

     

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