Karen,

I’m so sorry for the difficulties you’re experiencing, it is terribly difficult to accept the decisions of our children, especially when we can see them moving into dangerous situations. A couple things came to heart as I read your words.

The first is shoring up the stability of your own body and mind. You mentioned crystals, energy work and meditation. That’s a pretty powerful toolset. Are you reiki attuned? Consider that you can address the mental cycling of guilt and fear directly. Consider saying “yes, I know that there will be difficult moments in the future, and there have been painful moments in the past, but I can set them down here and now, and refuel.” Then call the reiki energy, envision a cho ku rei over your third eye, and place your hands there. Then, as the energy enters, either quiet the mind or slowly repeat “patience” if the mind is still bouncy. If you’re not reiki attuned, you can use some selenite on your third eye, which is pretty close to the energy of reiki. Just place it on your third eye and repeat “patience and light” and imagine the light of divine love refracting through the selenite into your head.

Next, perhaps supplementing your meditation practice with metta practice. Metta can help settle the mental agitation that leads to the anxiety and guilt… basically the mental ruminations that cause both. Ajahn Brahm has a great guided metta meditation on YouTube. Here is another (already on my clipboard, unfortunately my phone erases a post if I swap tabs, or I would past the Brahm meditation).

Another thing that comes to heart is the way we respond to the tantrums of our children. As a parent, we are tasked with guiding our children toward nourishment. If they ask us for a sugar sandwich, and we say no, it is very usual for them to become pissy and try to manipulate us. Too bad they don’t pop out wise, eh? As you dig your roots deeper, and nourish your heart and mind (in activities such as described above) then as long as you can relate to their words as a temper tantrum, its easier to let them pass through. “I want a sugar sandwich”. “No, dear.” “You don’t care about me, you don’t respect my desires, you’re a bad mom.” Metaphorically beating their arms around, kicking and screaming. “The answer is still no, dear.” “You never give me what I want.” “That’s not my job, dear. My job is to try to give you what you need, not what you want.” They may cry and scream, throw hooks, lament and wail, but giving them the sugar sandwich is far more painful for us than loving a girl through a tantrum.

Finally, perhaps consider stopping giving her advice. Instead, ask her questions. Its the tried and true socratic method, where you consistently invite her to look at what is around her. “What does it feel like? What changes in him are you seeing? What actions is he taking to change? What do you like, see, think and feel? What do you want from life?” etc etc. Without hearing her or reading her energy, I can’t aim for you, but your heart is loving and wise, and will certainly learn quickly. Just remember that if you contest her free will, she’ll shut down. If you invite her to join you at simply looking, there is a much better chance she’ll engage, and whatever she sees will be much more valuable because she’ll be coming to it as an adult.

With warmth,
Matt