January 8, 2016 at 1:54 am #91759erinParticipant
i am a tibetan buddhist but really i am a universalist not only in buddhism but all faiths and no faiths. i am feeling stuck in life. i of my have this feeling of pastlives as doing a lot of good such as teaching the dharmic path many times. now this is feeling i am no student or teacher in tibetan buddhism ect. in this life i led a horrible life. i been raped, abused ect all my life. yes many time i had good things but for what its worth the bad keeps me down. so why do i suffer so much in this life.January 8, 2016 at 5:16 am #91760
I think Spirituality is meant to help us (in real world life). Not necessarily have it be our life path (i.e. “I am a teacher and I teach this”). I suffer from these thoughts myself. There’s Spiritual Life which is Real Life, and then there is the real world life masquerading as Real Life.
Some people (like myself) take the bad things that happen personally. As if it is a Dark Force keeping us from The Light. The solution? Keep heading towards The Light, The Good, The Divine. DESPITE the bad stuff! Spit in its face! Carry on AS IF nothing bad had happened! Soon The Tipping Point will happen where you will be Safe, Loved, and feel OK for the majority of the rest of your life. That is my prayer for you, anyway.
InkyJanuary 8, 2016 at 8:23 am #91767
You asked: “why do i suffer so much in this life.”
My answer: because you were, as you stated, raped and abused. The fact that you were raped, let’s say, in 2015 (example), does not mean that as the year turns to 2016, the pain is deleted from the computer, from your brain. The pain of past abuse and rape is still there, registered and still hurting in the present. Sometimes you forget and feel no pain, but these are only breaks. The pain is still there. We, humans, suffer most often because other people hurt us.
Are you presently in contact with those who abused you? Is there still abuse going on? And what do you think you can do to make it so over time you hurt less about what happened to you?
anitaJanuary 8, 2016 at 8:43 am #91770
* Dear Inky: Not often I am as curious as I am about anything I read here or anywhere. I am so curious that I am really, really hoping that you will take the time to answer me the best you can. Your reply above is amazing and I want to learn how you do it. You seem an all-together-enough person, from your posts. I am thinking you do practice in your life what you wrote here.
How do you do it? HOW can it be done… how have you been practicing these in your life:
1) “Keep heading towards The Light, The Good, The Divine. DESPITE the bad stuff!”
2) (and most difficult for me to comprehend): “Carry on AS IF nothing bad had happened!”
More than curious:
anitaJanuary 8, 2016 at 12:04 pm #91811
OK, Wow, going to try to put my thoughts/feelings into words….
Heading towards the Light/Good/Divine to me means: Not ruminating on the past and/or bad. Focusing ONLY on the good and/or present moment. I do view everything Good/Noble/True as being of God (I know you may not believe in it/It. To me I get anxious even entertaining the concept of God not existing.) Being Forward Minded.
Carrying on AS IF nothing happened… OK, I DO view bad/evil things that happened as NOT being natural, as being in direct warfare with me. Especially if it comes on the heels while I’m doing something good or in a good place. I know I sound kind of paranoid, but I view issues that come up as being distractions from where I’m supposed to be going. Or to stop me from what I’m supposed to be doing. So I cop an attitude of “NEXT!” LOL
Maybe more on this later, it’s a different mindset, that’s for sure! LOLJanuary 8, 2016 at 12:49 pm #91815
* Dear Inky:
Thank you so much for answering me. I was hoping you will, being as curious as I was since I read your reply. I am not in the state of mind right now to digest your recent reply properly (just had an incredible lunch and am in that yummy state…)- and will read it later, slowly, contemplating it. I wanted to say thank you at this point for your straight forward answer to me, being willing to answer it as clearly as you have. “Maybe more on this later”- I would like that. When I contemplate the above, I will right back…probably ask questions, knowing myself to be inclined that way…
anitaJanuary 8, 2016 at 2:33 pm #91824
Of course I have questions, but I will ask only one per post and hope to get your reply. There is just so much in what you wrote, impossible to take in except in small portions.
You wrote: “Not ruminating on the past and/or bad. Focusing ONLY on the good and/or present moment.”
1) Was little girl Inky significantly hurt and scared as a child, again and again, ongoing for long periods of time?
2) Were you ever in the practice of ruminating over your childhood hurts, not focusing on the present? For how long and at what ages?
3) If you did ruminate and then stopped, how old were you then and how did the transformation from rumination to focusing on the present take place? What made it happen, following what…?
4) As you know lots of people ruminate about their childhood hurts and other hurts later on. Why can’t they stop ruminating and focusing on the present? Why can’t they do what you are doing???
There is more and I don’t even know if you will answer these questions, so I will stop here. I am still very, very curious and appreciate your reply so far. If you reply to this as well, I will… well, I will appreciate it so much.
anitaJanuary 8, 2016 at 2:33 pm #91825
* Correction: the above was not ONE question… what was I thinking…January 8, 2016 at 6:12 pm #91830
Well, I am no master LOL. I still have triggers. I still vent. I still have insomnia OR wake up at 3 in the morning. BUT! The every day question I ask myself (Every. Day.) is this: Do I want to live there?
1. Young Inky was hurt by emotional abandonment for sustained periods of time by her Bi-polar, Narcissistic Dad. Who is wonderful to literally everyone (ANYone!) else. She did not see it until she was a teenager. But she BREATHED it, unknowingly, for a decade.
2. When Young Inky was an adult, it was IN HER FACE. So much, in fact, that the PRESENT moment became a sanctuary. “Is my Dad being a dick right this minute in front of my face? No? OK, cool, let’s have fun!”
3. Books by Wayne Dyer and Eckert Tolle helped Inky in her thirties. Also her local Buddhist Meditation Center.
4. People become attached to their pain because if they gave it up they believe that their hurt didn’t matter, or, worse, that THEY don’t matter. I transmute my hurt into Prayer. By focusing on The Creator, The Universe, The Good, whatever you want to call Him/It, I can derive some sort of comfort by going above and beyond my Issue of Choice (Dad!)
OK, Wow, very therapeutic to write this!
Have to go, maybe more later!!January 8, 2016 at 6:30 pm #91832
Thank you again. What a delight it is to get your reply and so soon! I like the way you refer to the child that you were as Young Inky, cute. The Inner Inky. I will need a fresh morning brain to digest your answer. Inky is not so easy to understand! A mystery, really. So… all my brain will be working at its mighty best tomorrow morning! I will write again then.
anitaJanuary 9, 2016 at 10:42 am #91905
If you are following this, please feel free to occupy your own thread, the one you started!
* Dear Inky:
I had Inky on my mind last night, trying to figure her out. My goodness, it was very difficult to me. A few times in the process I panicked. I am letting you know because I am thinking that maybe this will flatter you, that you were thought about, that I find you fascinating. And of course I couldn’t figure out anything more than the little I figured before this very thread, from previous posts over the months. Maybe I see more clearly this morning. I think that in your most recent posts you are bolder than ever, saying it like it is for you. I like it!
You and I, I believe, are such opposites in our very basic beliefs about life and living at this point. My goodness, such opposites. The thing is, you never asked me for my analysis of you and it is not my business to provide you with such, as limited as it is. I find you fascinating, again, and will leave it as is. I also believe that a best seller book “The Best of Inky’s” posts selected from the record here on tiny buddha comprising that book, would make you a lot of money, or could. I am not a business person but it seems to me that such a selection is brilliant, entertaining and a thrill to read, right on the money with its simplicity. But the posts would have to be selected from all the available posts.
This is what is important to me: to be respectful to each other on this site. I do feel appreciation and respect for you. If you ever feel that I am disrespectful to you, please let me know. I will do the same. Today I replied to a post and read your comment before I replied. I thought that what you suggested should be greatly discouraged, so I expressed my position with what you wrote in mind. I didn’t mention your name as I replied and my intent was not to discredit you. I hope this sits well with you. When you read a reply by me and you disagree with it, I am fine with you stating your opinion opposite to mine, if you do not mention my name (so it is not personal) and do so in a way that is not hostile toward me personally.
As I disagreed with a reply you posted today, I did not feel anger or think of you disrespectfully but I saw the need to express my opposite stand on the issue. Again, nothing personal- my attention was on the issue, not on you when I typed my reply.
Because we are so different, respect is very important, mutual respect.
If you ever have the desire to know more about what I think (no requirement that it would matter to you!)- please let me know. There is no reason, and it is not appropriate for me to dump on you something you didn’t request!
My very best wishes to you, Inky!
anitaJanuary 9, 2016 at 11:22 am #91908
We do seem to have opposite outlooks! My feeling is the OPs (original posters) will take what they themselves find useful and leave the rest. And further, they are looking for solutions/outlooks from ALL perspectives! I think for this AM’s post I was saying, “Their relationship is not real” and you were saying, “Your pain is real”. Both could be simultaneously True, depending on how the Poster views it!
OK, I’ll bite… If you have any insight into my Daddy Issues I’d be glad to hear it!
Sorry for the thread hijacking, erin, if you are still here!!January 9, 2016 at 11:51 am #91909pjoyParticipant
I dont know how i orginally stumbled upon tiny buddha, but on more than once it has been just what i needed. I read post especially from Inky and Anita and wonder if everyone is ok but me. I also though recognize so much pain in others here. I continue to be overwhelmed by fear not knowing whats next. I used to be a social working helping others and very good at i was. But the one person i dont seem to be able to help is myself. I havent worked in nearly 2 years today im a hotel w/my daughter. My depression is beyond darkness…i dont know how to rise up no money, resources or anything else. My support system consist of a friend 200 miles away and coming here to try and find some wisdom or a kind thought. Sometimes im awake for hours asking God to heal me help me but seem to have little faith in that happening. I try to be thankful everyday for having a roof over my head food or just the beauty of the outdoors. I have felt liky i was dying for months and a few days ago felt i had finally died inside there was nothing left. I am humiliated and exhausted. I dont know what to do to make it better or even how to start over. I find myself missing my parents..i want someone to rescue me i know that wont happen but i dont know how to rescue myself. I guess i posted this as a release. Of course much like all the people buying powerball tickets are dreaming of life changing wealth, i guess maybe on some level im dreaming that someone will post a list of what i need to do or how do i save myself. As always thanks for being there and for all the good thoughts…it does mean somethingJanuary 9, 2016 at 8:58 pm #91942
* Dear Inky:
I have no insight on any daddy issues, not at all. I believe your descriptions of your father… how did you put it: he is not a parent, he is a medical diagnosis? That was one of The Best of Inky’s (TBoI).
You are a fascinating woman, Inky. If I took an issue with you about a post I disagree with, I know (!) I will never get anywhere (!!) debating it. (Like the one about the pain vs the relationship not being real). This is why I will never debate you, and never again mention any disagreement. My insight is related to what I just wrote.
* Dear pjoy: I am sorry for your struggle. I used to also want “a list of what I need to do or how do I save myself”-
Maybe you can start a new thread titled: “Need a list: what do I need to do?” or something like that…
anitaJanuary 11, 2016 at 3:47 pm #92136SaiishaParticipant
Hi Erin, so sorry to hear about the horrible pain and suffering in your life. It’s hard to make meaning of things like that, but I read a book recently that might help you understand it. It’s called “Your Soul’s Plan”, by Robert Schwartz and it has case studies of people who had some incredible hardships, but were able to understand how that fits into their soul’s journey.