I’ve been living in my head thinking about what went wrong with this woman I’ve fallen for.

We first met back a couple of years ago, connected briefly, then went back to our respective countries which are on opposite sides of the world. We stayed in touch and met once again at the end of the year when I travelled to her country.

During the second half of last year we got in touch again, texting almost every day for a few months, with phone calls. While we still lived far away, I felt there was a connection between us and the conversations have always been… natural, raw and personal. As we grew closer, I picked up the courage to do things that I hoped would show how I felt, such as sending her a gift on her birthday, which she seemed to love. I’ve been honest about how I thought she was special – although I never said “I like you”.

Then, we met again late last year when I travelled to her place again. At this point, I started to really like her but was unsure of what would happen with the distance – and the fact that there’s no chance of us moving closer to each other in the next couple of years at least. We went out a few times and had the best time. I did what I thought would show how I felt – flowers, gifts with handwritten notes, picked up the tabs and planned the dates to her liking. By this point, it was clear that both of us really enjoyed each other’s company. She has always been receptive of my advances and said she had lovely time with me.

I was still hesitant to tell her outright I liked her, as I was still hoping there would come a day in which we’ll live in the same city together, and I’d stand a better chance then.

Anyway, after returning home, we still texted. I did a couple more things to keep keep the “sparks”, e.g. sending flowers to her, which she said she liked!

However, several weeks in, things turned different. After she came back from a trip to visit her parents, her schedules had turned busy with work and other commitments, and she started responding less. I didn’t have any reason to believe that she didn’t want to speak with me – everything was going well just before that. I didn’t hear back for a couple of weeks, couldn’t call her. Finally managed to hear back. She said she’d been hectic so wasn’t able to text anymore. I was surprised so decided to tell her outright how I felt. She then said she just wanted to be friends and that she doesn’t want me to waste my effort/time.

I’ve been ruminating and trying to figure if there was anything I had done wrong. Or is trying to build a a new relationship over the distance a lost cause from the beginning?