July 18, 2022 at 11:08 am #404174Neha GuptaParticipant
Ever wondered Whats a Family?
We all have families but incidentally families are different kinds and may mean different things to different people. By family here we mean Siblings, Parents, Chacha Mama, Cousins.
They can be supportive, always there for you in tough times, caring, respect your privacy and genuinely celebrate your success. (A bit rare though in today’s commercially influenced world).
Or they can be jealous, waiting for your failure, enjoy your tough times, come up with stupid excuse if you need any help from them, always complaining, frown upon your smile. (Unfortunately, these type of families make more noise of being together cos they have to put up with an image.)
There can be many other types as one may not have seen at all.
But whatever they are, whether you like them or not, they are there to give you sorrow or pain, less or more.
But what makes them what they are. Ideally, every Family should be the same! Loving and caring cos that’s what they are supposed to be? Isn’t it? We have to prepare ourselves to survive in the outside world not with our own family!
So why are they different? Ever thought, do they like being mean..
One of the reasons is their “Upbringing”. Siblings can become rivals easily if parents always compare them, don’t treat them equally and are biased towards someone who is commercially more successful and brings them meaningless social glory. There could be families with 10 siblings or 2 siblings where family decisions will be taken as per the convenience and desire of so called successful Sibling. Typically he is an Engineer, Doctor or settled abroad in US.
Or there could be families where it doesn’t matter whether you are a Doctor or a clerk, you are a brother, you are a son! It doesn’t matter if the daughter’s husband is an IAS or a small time business owner, you are the daughter of the family! The care and respect is similar! Elder siblings don’t try to dominate and bully younger ones cos everybody is grown up and capable of making their own decisions. But offer help when required, stand for each other in tough times.
For example: A brother will be called “Engineer Bhaisaab/Bhaiya” post he attains the degree of an Engineer! What was he called before he became an engineer? How does it make the other brothers feel who are not Engineers? Cant he be just a brother? No, the commercial world wants to define this well.
Why is being equitable important? In the outside world some one or the other is better than you or trying to push you back and enjoying your failures. How do you reconcile emotionally? How do you gain strength everyday and fight again? It is by going back to our spouses or kids who love us and make us feel worth while.
In the family also – one looks for emotional strength, when you see your own people, you expect something which lifts you up and not pull you down! Your natural inclination is to feel relaxed and not competitive in such an environment!
What happens when you have a family which is supportive? One can strike a balance at the emotional level and lead a balanced life, family may not make you successful but they can help you come out of distressed situations better.
If you have a family which believes in glory only, they are there but not there emotionally. If you are the successful and famed one in such a family, know that they will enjoy your agony and pretend to be happy in your success (when they are actually not) but will try to extend favours from you whenever possible. If you are a clerk in such a family, you are doomed! You will be insulted and ignored whenever possible and dominated cos you are considered not worthy of being part of the family since you don’t bring them any glory. Best to keep away from such demons in the disguise of a “family” and keep yourself aligned. Being with such people can be very unhealthy for you and your immediate family members. In some cases, it can lead to depression and other emotional ailments.July 18, 2022 at 12:18 pm #404197anitaParticipant
Dear Neha Gupta:
Thank you for such an amazing analysis of Family, of what it is and what it should be.
“In the family also – one looks for emotional strength… you expect something which lifts you up and not pull you down! Your natural inclination is to feel relaxed and not competitive in such an environment!”- very well said!
“Best to keep away from such demons in the disguise of a ‘family’… Being with such people can be very unhealthy for you and your immediate family members. In some cases, it can lead to depression and other emotional ailments“- I very much agree, except that I think that it is always the case that children in demonic families, as you phrased it, suffer from emotional ailments.
anitaJuly 19, 2022 at 2:25 am #404253HelcatParticipant
Hi Neha Gupta
What a wonderful analysis. I’m wondering, what kind of family do you have? Is there anything that you would like to discuss?
The world can be cruel and full of injustice. By the time we are adults many of us have suffered in one way or another. It can be rare to meet people that care about being consistently kind to others. More often you meet people that are kind sometimes, other times not so much. Or people that take glee from treating others poorly.
Personally, I like to be away from family drama and keep to myself. I’m certainly much happier when I do so. I much prefer the company of consistently kind people.