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Fancying your brothers friend

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  • #403216
    Melissa
    Participant

    Please don’t send me abuse. I just want a safe place to get this off my chest as Iv had terrible anxiety since.

    Basically I have known my brothers best friend for years, I do notice we do have a little flirt here and there but it’s always been in a jokey way. We was at a family party where my brother invited him to and everyone kept saying us two would make a lovely couple etc. Obviously I just laughed it off saying oh his my brothers friend & also he has a girlfriend now who his been with for 2 years. ( I am single by the way ) Plus his younger than me. One family member was like you two really should get together and that family member even went over and said it to him as well ( it felt pretty awkward to be honest oh and a lot of the family / friends at the party weekend didn’t realise he had a girlfriend they have never met him before and just went off the vibes me and him had some know he does have a girlfriend, just wanna say that before anyone says my family are terrible people or anything like that they really are not at all )
    When it was just myself and him walking he kissed me and said his always liked me and that he wants to marry me one day but he wants to do some growing up first.
    I said to him look I know there is something there between us but you’re my brothers friend, you’re young have lot of growing up to do and you do have a girlfriend. I also said you have been drinking and you may regret this in the morning.
    He then went onto say your brother probably knows this is going to happen between us to be honest and I will sort out the girlfriend situation when the time comes.
    I also said I hope this stays between us and you don’t tell anyone and also this doesn’t ruin your friendship with my brother. He said of course not it stays between us. Then the next day everyone was asleep and he snuck into my room and asked if I was ok after last night and I said of course and he hugged me and gave me a kiss, he said Iv always really fancied you and I can’t believe this has actually happened. He said he didn’t think staying there another night was a good idea and I said why he said I just can’t keep thinking about you and I don’t want to lead you on or anything I just want to be slow with things. I said look don’t be silly your here with my brother please just enjoy yourself with him.
    I then said to him he should leave the room before anyone sees him and go enjoy himself. Then there was another party the next day as we was all away for the weekend and everything was fine but he did keep on looking at me from across the room and two family friends came up to me saying you sure you two ain’t a couple I said oh god no and they went on to say the way he looks at you though I think he really likes you, I joked back and said well maybe in the future but not right now.
    I felt kind of bad for his girlfriend, Iv never met her or anything but I’m sure she’s lovely and if it was me I’d feel sad, because when I was walking to the bar he was on the phone to her but he kept smiling at me I awkwardly kept looking away and he then came up to me and said I looked really beautiful in my dress I just said thank you.
    I then left as I was super tired and he didn’t come into my room or anything he stayed out with my brother then came in later on then we all checked out where we was all staying for the party the next day and acted like nothing happened.

    Two days later he then tried adding me on Instagram which I left pending for a few days till I declined it because I was seeing pictures of him and his girlfriend together that his friends were tagging him in which naturally made me slightly upset ( I noticed he hasn’t posted a pic with her in over a year it’s like he doesn’t really use it anymore, but I saw the recent tags that others had taken of them both and two of the pictures looked pretty lovey dovey ) PLUS I don’t personally want him seeing what I’m up to either because you never know I may meet a nice man that could upset him or he may even judge what I post on my Instagram already and go oh gross why did I tell her I fancied her.Hopefully I did the right thing by doing that?

    We do however have each other on tiktok have done for agesss where we both just post silly videos on our pages and we’ve liked each others videos here and there which I never thought anything major until obviously until this recent situation happened I’m now for some reason feeling anxious about posting stuff.

    We never text each other before anyone says something we don’t do that. We’ve never flirted over text of course I wouldn’t do that and he hasn’t done that either. But we’ve obviously wished each other merry Christmas something basic polite like that.

    I kind of wished non of this ever happened, I kind of wished it happened later in life for instance if he was single and more mature then maybe things would of been different. Like I feel awful this has happened I would never kiss a man who has a girlfriend that’s just not who I am at all but obviously everyone was drinking and there’s definitely been some sort of spark there between us for a while. What should I do moving forward?

    #403231
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Melissa:

    Please don’t send me abuse. I just want a safe place” – no abuse here. I am not here to abuse you or anyone. I want you to have a safe place here, so please keep posting here.

    “A lot of the family / friends at the party weekend didn’t realise he had a girlfriend…  just wanna say that before anyone says my family are terrible people or anything like that… We never text each other before anyone says something we don’t do that.” – it seems like you keep expecting people to abuse you, to criticise you or your family (saying that they are horrible people). I think that you grew up with lots of negative criticism (and abuse perhaps), and you keep expecting it from people (?)

    When it was just myself and him walking he kissed me and said his always liked me and that he wants to marry me one day but he wants to do some growing up first” – sounds like what he told you was a mixture of truth (I figure he likes you in one way or another) and bul**** talk (I doubt that following the drinking party he’s been thinking about marrying you or about embarking on an emotional growth journey).

    I feel awful this has happened I would never kiss a man who has a girlfriend that’s just not who I am at all but obviously everyone was drinking and there’s definitely been some sort of spark there between us for a while. What should I do moving forward?” – nothing, I say. Nothing much happened but two kisses and one hug (?). I think that you are blowing things out of proportion.

    He then tried adding me on Instagram which I left pending for a few days till I declined… because you never know I may meet a nice man that could upset him… Hopefully I did the right thing by doing that?” – yes, I think that you did the right thing. You are very considerate of the nice man you are yet to meet!

    anita

    #403409
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, Melissa?

    anita

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