I posted here about a year ago and alot has changed since then. My mother died, I moved in with my Aunt in Virginia, and hope on resuming classes in Fall 2020.

I’m working now at a great place, with great people, but I’m so afraid of losing it. The last time a worked, it ending with me in a mental hospital because I was breaking down. Today I woke up an 1/2 an hour late and panicked.

Yesterday I did the usual dread of people who had to work the next day, so there was no problem there. But in the back of my mind I was replaying the other day’s events: Still dealing with my fight with my aunt on Friday, Wondering does she or why she hates me, fear of losing where I live, Suspicion some of my co-workers talking about me, My weird tick of staring or constantly looking at people or things in the corner of my eye, if I’ll even be able to keep this job, How much I NEED THIS JOB TO SURVIVE. So when I manage to even sit up in the bed, I called my Leader for today and ask if I could change shifts since I was so late. She said she couldn’t and asked what time do I think I will be coming in today? And I said “I dont know. I think I’m having an anxiety attack right now.” Which I was. I was. Then she said that she’ll give me the day off and I just broke out crying because I dont want to lose my job again. And the same thing happed before in 2017. Yet, the Leader was more understanding and kind the my other manager. But, it’s still not good. I still could continue to shut down like before and my mom isnt here to help now. And I really think my aunt isnt happy with me. And I know that it’s really her, not me but still. And I also live with my sister who is also feeling the pressure between my aunt and I. I dont know what to do.