Feel Stuck

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    Regarding relationships, I feel I can’t have sex and be emotionally attached to the same person. It either has to be one or the other. I guess this is due to the fact that I’m confused about my orientation. I feel both guys and girls stimulate my sexual attraction but yet I feel more attracted to guys or the thought of being with a guy. Although, I couldn’t imagine being on the receiving end (Anal sex) or giving oral sex to a guy. I feel I would be more of a “Top” as most people would categorize. I’m really attracted to the masculinity of other guys and the dominance they have. I on the other hand am not very masculine although I have many masculine tendencies. I’m more emotional and soft. As far as girls go, I get attractions here and there but I believe a girl has to have a specific edge for me to REALLY be sexually attracted to her. I dream of having a wife one day but find it her to have both emotional and sexual attraction to her at the same time. ITs like I connect sexually with a guy in a way and emotionally with women. I want to have them both in one person. Once again, I can have sex with a girl but she has to be a certain type, well as for a guy, I think most guys are hot so I don’t really have a certain criteria for them. Can someone put this in perspective?

    The Ruminant

    Well, human sexuality is kind of complex. Or in a way, I suppose it should be rather simple, but we make it very complex. Just like eating. We all need to eat, it is a very basic physiological need, but then we turn it into something difficult. Just like people have eating disorders, people have difficulties handling their sexuality.

    I used to have problems combining sexual attraction and love. I think part of it was this self-hatred that I had. I’m not sure. I still have healing to do in that department, but clearly I have been able to combine love and sex now. The difference between then and now is that I actually appreciate myself and have love in me.

    I’m very liberal when it comes to people’s sexuality, so if someone truly thinks that they are happiest engaging in what ever they are engaging in, then go for it. I would say though, that before engaging in anything, one should be content with themselves, be able to feel empathy and compassion (towards themselves and others) and have a healthy emotional mindset. There are so many people who try to fix their emotional wounds through sex (or food), and it’s quite sad, because it’s not going to fix things. In worst case, it will create more wounds and destroy the person even further.

    So, if I were you, I wouldn’t necessarily draw any conclusions about your sexuality before you have truly worked on yourself. I remember your posts, and I think you might have a lot of “symptoms” stemming from the same root cause. Have you tried any meditation practice to start healing from within?


    Hi Cyd, it sounds like you have a clear understanding of your feelings thus far. My question is, have you accepted the way you feel? I too believe that sexuality is much more complex than definitions would allow us to assume. I would say the first thing you should do is really understand your feelings and what you want. You say that you one day see yourself with a wife. Is this because you want all the things a wife entails or do you want to do it because it’s expected of you?

    I questioned my feelings about things before, and I realized that the only reason I questioned myself is because I wasn’t sure if I would be accepted by others.

    I hope one day you will find someone that you are attracted to physically and emotionally. But first you have to dig deeper within yourself and understand what it is that you want.

    In the meantime, take time to understand yourself and try to be honest to those that you will be emotionally or physically involved with.

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