Hi Noelle! First,sorry my bad English. Dear I think yoi need to relax before to take any decision. When we are sad or very happy we don’t take the best choices. Try to relax! Drink a tea, read a book or sleep! A night of good sleep do miracles! Past this, I think you have to balance your relationship in two points: your expectations and your boyfriend expectations. They are walk in the same way? I want to say, in love? Respect? Priorities? In your answer remind to think in YOUR happy and serenity first. He made his choice thinking in him. Do not feel abandoned! God is always with us. And I am here if you need to talk more, ok?! Take care! Liah.

I agree with Lia that it helps when I ‘settle’ before making a life changing decision and when I do not make the decision out of emotions. Your boyfriend, ahhhhh, do you really want to be with a person that makes huge decisions that affect your life. Can you really trust someone who is sitting in a room with you, I assume sharing a bed, eating next to you and while thinking of moving far away he does not talk with you about this major change?

This is just my opinion…RUN…you will have to heal but how can you trust him…do you really still trust him? Take care of yourself. It is his choice to move and that is okay but to be in a partner relationship and not treat you like a partner, well that says it all.

Namaste, pm

• This reply was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by peter martin.

Noelle,

I’m sorry for your sorrow, and know how difficult our emotions can be at times. I agree with the wisdom of healing the sadness first, before trying to figure out what to do. That sadness clouds our feelings, making many of our thoughts and actions befuddled. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Consider that much of the time, healing begins with forgiveness. He acted selfishly, making big changes in both of your lives without inviting you to share. Perhaps you fear/assume that means “he doesn’t love me, not really… otherwise, how could he do that? Choose to move away? Not even ask?”. However, consider that there are forces inside us that compete with our love. On his side, there are perhaps many needs: being a provider, being respected by his peers, a stable plan and so forth. And then, the feelings he has for you. They compete inside him, with pressure. The same is true within you. For instance, you could have said “great! Let’s move”. Instead, different forces were competing, much like his.

Ideally, those all get put on the table between you two, so you can find a plan where you are both happiest. This is what you forgive. “For whatever reasons you did this action, I forgive you. For whatever reasons I reacted this way, I forgive myself. May we accept what is here, now, and find our path of love together from here.”

Finally, consider doing some self nurturing, such as being kind and gentle to yourself. Consider taking a bath with candles and salts, listening to some soft music, or whatever helps your body and mind find peace, rest, relax. Approaching what to next will be a bit of a puzzle, so before trying to figure that out, consider just letting yourself heal for awhile. Come to acceptance, if you can, of his choices… just let it be, settle.

If it keeps bringing up all the pain and sorrow with it, such as “the thought of him making that decision fills me with ick”, consider taking up a metta meditation practice. Metta is the feeling of loving warmth inside us, and helps our body and mind find peace and smoothness. For instance, you do want good things for him, wish him to find his way, and can understand why he could be a knucklehead about it… so why not explore what drove him to be a doofus? To make the choice, and in that way. But, to explore that without getting sad or angry requires warm feelings, stableness, and wanting both of you to find happiness. Metta meditation is the practice of wishing ourselves and others well, which brings that warmth to our heart. Consider searching YouTube for “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” if interested.

Then, after you’re feeling better, rested, figuring out what to do next will be more simple. Does he care? Are you not a priority? Is he like Alf was with his partner, and trying to build a life with you at the expense of not living with you now? Your heart will know when the pain has healed. You’re brighter than you think, dear sister.

With warmth,
Matt

Noelle
I am going thru a similar situation as far as my boyfriend making life decisions without talking to me about them. These choices he had made have effected my life…twice. This last time is is “possible” move 700 miles away to help his mother. I applaud him in his wanting to help his mother! But like someone said….look to see his deeper motivation that your boyfriend made this decision. Now, grieve what you must but please take care of YOU! Focus on you. Focus on your serenity. Once “settled” as someone has already mentioned, take your time to decide if you can live with a man who makes major life decisions without talking to you. This will be a process. BE PATIENT with yourself. Like you, I am ready to know the future. The times are such that we must embrace the unknown as never before…trust. Indeed, you are NEVER alone. Great Spirit/God always has positive focus on YOU!

Here I am giving this advice because this is all I can do right now and it helps me and maybe it will help you. We are not alone is these situations, you and I. My boyfriend left just 2 days ago for an unknown amount of time saying to some he was moving back, saying to others he might be back in 2 weeks, 2 months. And he did not ask me to come along. I would go. I can not control other people. Hopefully full acceptance will come to you on this matter. Tiny Buddha has a post about long distance relationships that is most positive and uplifting. I wish the very best for you.