Dear Anita,

I was meaning to write to you soon. 🙂 Yes, I have made some progress! (at least I think I have) I am practicing comebacks to different scenarios and I think of words more quickly. I have also recently ended a friendship with someone I thought I could trust and they blindsided me with their wish to not interact with me anymore. The person is dealing with some issues and they always confided in me and wanted me to listen to them and I did. I also shared some of my problems with them and we bonded over both having anxiety. This person told me that they don’t want to talk to me anymore because talking about our problems gives them more anxiety. I was confused because they confided in me willingly and frequently asked for advice and started such conversations, but instead of lashing out and being angry, I recognized that this is for the best. Usually, I would obsess over this for months, even years maybe. But I was “over it” the next day because I cannot be friends with someone who wants me to listen to them all the time without being able to open up myself. I also analyzed what I could do better in the future and how I can become a better friend. Maybe I was not “badass” with this person (since I agreed to the end of the friendship), but I still feel badass because I let it go without obsessively blaming myself and telling myself that I am a bad person. I don’t need to convince this person that I am a worthy friend and this is a huge step forward for me. I was never able to do that before.

Dear Anita,

Thank you! :))

Dear Anita,

thank you! 🙂 I will.

All the best,

Janet

Hi, Anita 🙂

I’m sorry for the late reply. I’ve started a new job and I spend so much less time on the internet. I got a job in a completely different field, but I am so happy. I’m also proud of myself because I always doubt myself so much and I worry about not doing a good job, but there was a minimum of those feelings this time. I was a little scared of starting a new job, but I dove into it with much less doubt and fear than I would have before. I’m learning how to be more relaxed and less wired all the time. I do, however, still feel uneasy seeing all my ex-friends and people around me in relationships. I like being single, but words of pity from others still get to me. I’m 24 and no one has ever loved me in a romantic way and I can’t help but feel embarrassed.

Dear Anita,

“it is possible (?) that you don’t really want to be in a romantic relationship, that what you want is to not be embarrassed about not being in a relationship” – This is very true. I feel like with relationships comes drama. I don’t really know any functional marriages or relationships in general. All my friends have had some kind of troubles in relationships: cheating, controlling behaviour, too much compromise on one side only, etc. I have just lost faith in a healthy relationship before I even started. Men that do approach me are strange, usually much older and very vulgar. I’m afraid I’ll attract a psychopath or someone who will create trouble if I want to leave them. My friend had two boyfriends who threatened to hurt themselves and her if she tries to leave and I am absolutely terrified of something like that happening to me. Others were cheated on and manipulated. I am also so disappointed with guys criticizing women so much and the lack of privacy in relationships. People spill the beans so to speak on everything, especially their sex lives. They criticize their partner’s body, they discuss what they do in the bedroom, etc. I don’t want my partner to talk to other people about our intimate life and about my body. I don’t want my future boyfriend to tell all his friends that I’ve been a virgin for so long.  I am a kind (I focus a lot on self-development), private person, and I don’t know why I keep attracting men who either low-key sexually harass me or are not my type in general. I can’t picture myself with someone who doesn’t care about self-growth and is etitled and controlling. I’m know I’m not perfect and I am not expecting to get a perfect boyfriend, but I do want one that is respectful and interested in self-development.