I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of over a year. We’ve had a long distance relationship that has not been without its issues. Ultimately I broke things off because he lied to me, and I feel unable to trust him. I told him that I would be open to trying again in the future if we could both go through counseling and work on our own issues.

He is devastated. He’s gone from profusely apologizing to trying to say he just made a mustake and that I didn’t find him “worthy” of a second chance. I feel he truly loves me. But he seems so focused on his own pain and his on suffering, past and present. I said something to him about how he didn’t seem to understand how it felt to be lied to by someone he loved. He called me and spent 30 minutes telling me how badly his ex wives had hurt him, and how much worse the lies they told him were then the one he told me. It made me feel like he was trying to undermine my pain because he had been through worse.

I don’t want to completely give up on any chance of us having a relationship again. I truly do love him and care about him. But I had to leave for myself. He lied knowing that was something I don’t tolerate in a relationship. But I feel like the lie came from his inability to trust. I feel like so many of the iissues we have had, have been a result of him holding on to so much pain and not knowing how to let go.

At this point I know I can’t be in a relationship with him. But I still want to help. I know you can’t change someone. But what can I do to help him heal? Whether or not there is any chance of a future for us, it pains me to see him suffering so much, unable to cope with his emotions.