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Feeling Dread/Doom/Lost

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  • September 16, 2016 at 9:49 am #115362
    Sam
    Participant

    Hello All – I have been struggling a bit lately and can’t seem to pinpoint why or what I should do.

    The last few months have been quite a journey for me. My entire life I have struggled with intense anxiety which consequently made me quite a hot head. Some of this was due to my age, but regardless of the reason it needed to be controlled for loved ones and for my own personal peace. These last few months have been filled with me attempting to better myself through self-care, healthy friendships, dedication to work and school, and financial planning. I am happy to report that for the most part it is going well.

    However, the last week or so I have lost some serious momentum and my mindfulness practices aren’t really helping. I’m wondering what it could be? I have felt this intense pang of doom, dread and feeling incredibly lost. The other night I started crying irrationally, so much so that it made me laugh because I literally did not know why i was crying. I feel lost in the middle of everything, I don’t truly feel like I have a purpose or anything to look forward to. I feel like my life is maybe turning into a black and white story book with very little to be excited about, but I do feel calm. But is it worth that?

    Please help.

    September 16, 2016 at 10:08 am #115363
    Midnight
    Participant

    Hi Sam,

    I am very sorry that you are feeling this way and I understand how difficult it must be for you at the moment.

    – Can you try to think about anything happening over the past few weeks that might have triggered this? I suffer from anxiety too, though usually it is quite low-key, and I have noticed the trigger is sometimes simply forgotten and I just develop this sense of doom without remembering how it started. Only when I stop to really think about it do I sometimes remember what started it and it can be helpful to pinpoint that.

    – Are you drinking enough water? Are you getting some exercise each day or every other day? Do you drink a lot of coffee? I’m asking because anxious feelings can sometimes be triggered or increased by physical lacks such as not getting enough fluids, daylight or exercise, or by drinking too much coffee.

    -Are you seeing a therapist and / or receiving medication for your anxiety? You are saying it is intense, so maybe medication can help?

    September 16, 2016 at 10:57 am #115377
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sam:

    You wrote: ” I have felt this intense pang of doom, dread and feeling incredibly lost. The other night I started crying irrationally..”

    I experienced a feeling of doom often in my life, and I too wondered why. Recently I figured it out: the doom I was feeling (mostly when it was getting dark and I was alone) was the same feeling I had as a child when it was getting dark and I was alone.

    When I was a child and it was getting dark and I was alone, it was because my mother was still at work and I was afraid that she will not come back home. Because she threatened suicide a lot. So I was afraid she killed herself.

    Fifty years later, when it is getting dark, it is the SAME feeling.

    Having read your previous thread, I am thinking maybe in your case as well, that feeling of “this intense pang of doom, dread and feeling incredibly lost” is the same feeling you had in that laundry basket, hiding from your mother?

    anita

    September 16, 2016 at 12:42 pm #115383
    Sam
    Participant

    Thank you so much for your feedback, it truly means a lot.

    Midnight – As much as I love fall, the last three years have been tough around this time. Three years ago I spent 5 days in a CSU, two years ago in an unhealthy relationship, last year was the end of that relationship in September. So truthfully just the ambiance of fall may be the trigger. I am trying my best to take care of my body, coffee is definitely my downfall and I’ve been trying to drink more decaf. I do also see a therapist and have for three years, though I have never been on medication for a long period of time. I have anxiety medication for panic attacks but nothing to manage the ongoing stuff.

    Anita- – your response hit me hard. I see you have read another one of my threads, and for that i thank you for taking the time to understand a little more about me. This may be some of it as well, seeing as I have recently cut off close relations with her. I still work for her, but we do not interact. Honestly, it has been a little relieving.

    I opened up a little to a friend of mine today and told her how I was feeling – she suggested the mindfulness may be doing some of this, because the lack of drama and excitement in my life is maybe being mistaken as loss? Maybe because I don’t know how to feel, and it’s been quite so time, if ever, I have felt this relaxed.

    September 16, 2016 at 4:02 pm #115389
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sam:

    I didn’t understand what your friend said: “because the lack of drama and excitement in my life is maybe being mistaken as loss” – What does it mean to you?

    It is good that you talked to a friend a little and that you significantly limited your interactions with your mother. The fact that you feel relief as a result is an indication that it is the right thing for your well being.

    In your last line you wrote that you felt relaxed- as a result of talking to your friend?

    Post anytime.

    anita

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