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Feeling Guilty

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  • #123077
    Holly
    Participant

    After doing quite well with getting my drinking under control, I decided that I would allow myself to get drunk at my work’s annual Christmas party.

    I had way too much alcohol. I was really enjoying myself at the time but woke up full of regret and guilt. I had to ask someone to cover my shift in work because I woke up still feeling drunk and knew that I would not be able to work competently.

    As usual, I spent the whole day ruminating and feeling really embarrassed and ashamed. I did ask a friend over messenger if I had done anything bad and she said that I was just funny which was sort-of a relief.

    I remember saying really inappropriate things to my boss and kissing someone who is in a relationship. (I have romantic history with this person and this is not the first time this has happened. I wasn’t thinking straight enough at the time to have taken into account that they are in a relationship). I feel truly awful – I plan to apologise to these people when I go to work tomorrow.

    Before this night, I hadn’t had a drink for two weeks and felt great. Through this experience I have learned that I am not, nor ever will be a successful drinker. I’m no longer going to let other people convince me to drink when I really don’t want to. Not having control of my actions is no longer fun for me.

    • This topic was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by Holly.
    #123112
    anita
    Participant

    Dear hollypop:

    Apologize to the people you mentioned. Then forgive yourself.

    In your efforts to stay away from alcohol, what will NOT help is to be harsh with yourself about drinking last. The harsher you are, the more ashamed you are, the more likely you are to drink again.

    Be gentle with yourself, forgiving, loving yourself no-matter-what and you will advance your very aim of not drinking in the future.

    anita

    #123192
    Lidewij
    Participant

    Hey,

    calm down love! You just fell of the wagon, everyone does. When trying to form new habits, and definitely when trying to break old habits. You did not drink for two weeks, that is a great achievement. It is too much to expect that you would NEVER drink too much again. Be proud of yourself.

    You are spending too much energy being down on yourself, telling yourself there is no point in trying, that you can’t trust yourself. You are just learning, you are falling down and getting back up. That is how you are growing. Stop expecting so much perfection. Just fall of that wagon, and get right back up on the next day.

    Also another thing: alcohol can be a depressant. I know I can feel very down if I have drunk the night before. So that is definitely influencing your feelings as well.

    Please let us know how you are feeling now and what we can do to help!

    #123196
    John
    Participant

    Hollypop,
    Don’t beat yourself up over it. We’ve all been there and done things that we wished we hadn’t the next day. From what you have said, it doesn’t sound like it’s such a big deal. The people that you worry you might have offended have probably done things they wished they hadn’t and have also wished they could turn back the clock. People are very forgiving once an apology is offered and you will also feel better after apologising. That can be a very difficult thing to do but things will be much better once you do it. Sounds to me like it was a good party and and getting drunk and kissing people and insulting the boss is a long-standing tradition at this time of year.

    #123220
    Holly
    Participant

    Thank you for your responses, all!

    I went to work today after dreading it the past couple of days and it turned out I had nothing to worry about after all.
    I’m feeling much better now 🙂

    anita – I am trying to practice self-forgiveness a bit more. It is proving difficult but when I master this, I think I will be a lot happier 🙂

    Lidewjj – You are right, I am proud of myself for going without booze for two weeks (albeit a little sad to have broken my 14 day streak!) Definitely agree, this is mainly why I want to cut alcohol out of my life because it’s not worth the anxiety that I feel afterwards or the worry that I have done something wrong.

    JJC – That’s really true! We all make mistakes 🙂 Luckily, I didn’t insult my boss – just drunken nonsense! It WAS a good party all in all, and I should focus on the good rather than ruminate on what I thought went badly.

    #123227
    anita
    Participant

    Dear hollypop:

    Glad you are feeling better. The drinking you described is a habit, as I see it. Habits are tough to break. The concept of AA is about replacing the drinking-and-socializing-at-bars habit with eating-cake-drinking-coffee-and socializing-at-AA-meetings habit.

    What if you come up with your own replacement habit for the drinking habit, at home and elsewhere?

    anita

    #123510
    BenzRabbit
    Participant

    Dear Hollypop,

    Glad all is well.

    Do not let anyone convince you to drink when you don’t want to!

    If someone still tries to convince you to drink, walk away from them!!

    God bless!!!

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