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Feeling jealous of my best friend

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  • This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by Anonymous.
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  • #128609
    dreaming715
    Participant

    I’ve known my best friend for 10 years now and we’ve been roommates for several of those years. I’m grateful to have her in my life, but lately I’ve been feeling jealous of her.

    For example, we’re moving out of our shared apartment and I’m moving alone into an older studio apartment (my boyfriend wasn’t ready for us to move in together). My friend is moving into a “luxury” apartment complex with her boyfriend, equipped with a pool and fitness room onsite.

    She just accepted a new job where she makes $20,000/year more than I do. I’ve applied for almost 10 new jobs recently and no luck.

    Today we went furniture shopping and she bought a new bedroom set for her and her boyfriend’s new place that cost $1,200. She happily signed the paperwork. I wanted to buy a couch for $500 (because I literally don’t have one), and I was approved for financing with the absolute worst interest rate, a big down payment, etc…

    I almost can’t accept that this is my life sometimes. This is usually the part where people invalidate my feelings and say, “Just be grateful you’re not dying or homeless or starving, etc…”

    I’m incredibly grateful for that… but I’m not where I want to be in life. I’ve been working hard. I graduated college. I work hard at my job. I’m applying for higher paying jobs. I understand my boyfriend isn’t ready to move in and I have to respect that. I’m just so unbelievably frustrated right now.

    Just once I want to have that amazing, happy feeling of, “This is exactly what I’ve been wishing for.”

    #128667
    Asterix
    Participant

    I think if you want to feel, “This is exactly what I’ve been wishing for” then you should focus all your attention on those things that you are wishing for, all those things that you want, and stop letting your best friend’s life take up rent in your head. Focus on you, not her. Think of ways you can achieve what you want. Then go for it. Jealousy is normal, so it’s okay to feel that way. Just don’t obsess over it – obsess over you because you deserve all the things you want in life. When you start focusing on you, things will get better.

    #128691
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear dreaming715:

    Been there. Your share is so honest, simple to understand, direct, no make-believe thinking, makes me appreciate it very much.

    Honor your feeling of jealousy, it means you want a better life for yourself. You want a better life. You can let her know how you feel, stated honestly (like you did on this thread), is part of honest communication.

    When I lived in the tiniest studio apartment imaginable I used to look into the houses of people (walking on a residential street, seeing through the uncovered windows… not trespassing, mind you)- and think: how wonderful other people have it. How wonderful to have a kitchen, a living room, oh, how I wish, oh how I wish I lived in that house… or that house.

    I now know better than to assume.

    anita

    #129005
    dreaming715
    Participant

    Thank you both for your responses. A couple of take-aways: 1) Compare and despair. Comparing my life to another person’s life is virtually pointless. Yes, it can give you ideas for the things you personally long for… but beyond that comparing isn’t going to change anything.
    2) Anita, you’re right that things aren’t always as they seem. You can hypothetically live in the biggest, most beautiful house and be married and be miserable.

    #129061
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear dreaming715:

    Not only hypothetically, but in practice. How many wealthy people are on anti-depressants? How many wealthy, famous people committed suicide (And how many wealthy, famous people are depressed and don’t take their lives)? .. and what about my neighbor who lives in a 3-4 story house with incredible view and lots of acreage- she doesn’t feel welcome (by her husband) in her own home, seems as distressed as can be, on a regular basis…

    anita

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