Feeling lonely and trapped because I am…

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    29 y.o guy who has been struggling with romantic relationships since 17.

    Just recently a girl I had been dating gave me the words I all to often have heard before “sorry I just don’t feel it” and “I don’t see a future” and “this isn’t going to work”

    Aside from failed relationships, I’ve tried dedicating time to going over my personality to try and find the things that could be turning women off. However it seems that I’m just not able to connect and find somebody who likes me and is attracted to me back. Eventually the somebody I meet stops responding to my texts and makes excuses for not being able to go out, eventually I get the message.

    For a long time I’ve been trying to change this, doing reading, asking friends for advice, hoping that I just needed to try more and find somebody compatible.

    But at 29, I’m starting to just think there is something wrong with me that most women just avoid me after I talk.

    In my mind I have enough negative reference experiences to assume I’m defective.

    But why I wrote this post is that I feel lonely. My friends are busy with jobs and girlfriends and on most weekends I’m home.

    Just feeling empty inside and sad…feeling like it won’t get better because the next person I meet is going to reject me most likely, and I’ll probably be alone for a very long time.


    Dear Hark:

    I think I can help you in your quest to gain insight into your difficulties in romantic relationships. Simply by communicating with me here, back and forth, I can gain some understanding by asking you questions, paying attention to your answers, checking with you if I understood you correctly etc. If you are willing, I am.

    Will you tell me more about your last relationship, how it started, when, how often you met, when did you detect trouble?



    Hi Hark,

    Your post came up on the side of my page when I was reading an article about toxic relationships, and what you’re saying reminds me so much of a friend of mine, so I felt the need to reply. Literally just made an account lol

    My first thought is to try to enjoy your alone time. It’s better to be alone and happy than to try and force a relationship which isn’t meant to be. (Granted I’m biased after just ending such a relationship..) And I guess that brings me to my second thought. Are you happy? I mean, other than feeling lonely and trapped- do you enjoy your life? Do you make time for yourself and surround yourself with people/places/activities that bring you happiness? I think it’s true that when you’re happy other people gravitate towards you.. and eventually there has to be one that will appreciate what you have to offer.

    Maybe you’re more mature than the people you hang out with or try to date? I would stop focusing on what’s wrong with you and remember all the good you have to offer! And honestly those people are doing you a favor by kicking rocks. I was with someone who didn’t appreciate all that I had to offer and it ended up becoming this sick cycle in which I just longed for his validation. I’m a good woman and even with my faults I knew I deserved better than to feel that way.

    I can only hope my silly ramblings make you think…or laugh at how odd I am for reaching out this way lol. May you find happiness soon

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