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  • February 23, 2016 at 1:53 pm #96934
    M
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    Think of it this way… if you help yourself and be a better you, then you’ll be able to help others even more/better!

    It’s okay to take care of yourself.

    February 23, 2016 at 1:50 pm #96933
    M
    Participant

    Hi Jane,

    As hard as it is, know that he did you a favor by revealing his true self/feelings. Letting him go will allow for the space for someone else to enter your life; someone whose desires align with yours. Leave it be.

    I experienced something similar just this past weekend. My ex was drunk.. told me to “shut the F up” and eventually broke my phone. This isn’t the first time that he’s broken belongings. I’ll admit that I chose this time and time again. I made excuses for him, and because of my own wounds I allowed mistreatment from the beginning of our relationship. And honestly, it brought me back to a dark place; after making progress from my last relationship, I also started to yell and say ugly things in order to hurt him as much as he hurt me.

    That is not love. And we all deserve love. I hope you have the strength to move on.

    February 22, 2016 at 2:31 pm #96812
    M
    Participant

    Move on. I dealt with that type of behavior from my now-ex for a year before we made our relationship official. I thought that was his way of making amends and saying he wanted to be a stand-up guy.. but here we are two years later (from when we first met) and I’m finding myself finally ending one of the hardest relationships of my life. For years I sought out this man’s validation and ended up feeling more alone with him than I was when I was single. I made excuses for him always and felt sorry for him. It will just drain you and they won’t be changing for a long time. I wouldn’t even send that letter… if he’s having a bad day and needs comfort he might reach out just to get what he needs from you again. Maybe I’m biased.. but that attitude is what I dealt with for a long time and I’d hate for others to get caught in the cycle I just got out of.

    February 22, 2016 at 2:18 pm #96810
    M
    Participant

    Hi Hark,

    Your post came up on the side of my page when I was reading an article about toxic relationships, and what you’re saying reminds me so much of a friend of mine, so I felt the need to reply. Literally just made an account lol

    My first thought is to try to enjoy your alone time. It’s better to be alone and happy than to try and force a relationship which isn’t meant to be. (Granted I’m biased after just ending such a relationship..) And I guess that brings me to my second thought. Are you happy? I mean, other than feeling lonely and trapped- do you enjoy your life? Do you make time for yourself and surround yourself with people/places/activities that bring you happiness? I think it’s true that when you’re happy other people gravitate towards you.. and eventually there has to be one that will appreciate what you have to offer.

    Maybe you’re more mature than the people you hang out with or try to date? I would stop focusing on what’s wrong with you and remember all the good you have to offer! And honestly those people are doing you a favor by kicking rocks. I was with someone who didn’t appreciate all that I had to offer and it ended up becoming this sick cycle in which I just longed for his validation. I’m a good woman and even with my faults I knew I deserved better than to feel that way.

    I can only hope my silly ramblings make you think…or laugh at how odd I am for reaching out this way lol. May you find happiness soon

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