so where do I start… about a year and a half ago i had a really bad breakup with a girl who i was in a unhealthy relationship with. before we started dating i had a minor thing with my friend whom I’ve known for several years. we’d been hanging out for sometime and i felt she had feelings towards me. one night we got drunk together and ended up sleeping together. afterwards she decided it was just a hook up and nothing more even though her expressions towards me told otherwise, at the same time i was forming a relationship with this other girl whom i was in the unhealthy relationship with. so we both went off and did our thing i dated the girl who i eventually broke up with and she we went off to date another dude. the whole time i was dating the other girl, my friend & i continued to talk for quite some time. i didn’t realize at the time, but i think i’ve always had feelings for my friend. so eventually my ex and i broke up and i didn’t speak with my friend for quite some time, we had a bit of an awkward moment before things ended between my ex and i. that brings us to now. she’s still dating this other dude, but they are struggling. he treats her like everything in their relationship is her fault and from what she has told me only really wants to hangout with her to have sex. so about a week ago she had a birthday at the local bar and i ended up crashing at her house. the next morning i woke up and we talked for a few hours and i told her all about things that had happened in my previous relationship and she told me what was going with said boyfriend. later that night i asked if she had ever had feelings for me other then just as a friend and pretty much confessed my love to her. she told me that it was a lot to process and didn’t really get back to me. last night i went to the barcade in my town for the weekly karaoke i always go too. she was there. we all got pretty drunk and the night ended up me getting jealous and overeacting towards another friend for a misunderstanding between him and this girl. today i talked to her and apologized for the way i acted and asked her if we could meet up to talk. she told me that she didn’t want to be with me because of the fact she had already dated two other friends and ended up losing them both when they broke up and didn’t want the same to happen to us. i’m totally okay with that and i understand and just want her to be happy, whether then be with me for my own needs. however, as i sit here and type this i can’t help, but feel this void of emptiness inside me. I just care about her a lot and it really bugs me knowing i won’t get the chance to show her all of what i have to give. I want to continue to support her as a friend, but i just don’t know. idk i’m just kind of ranting at this point because i don’t know what to do with myself. since my ex and i broke up i have not really been to into looking for other woman and this is the first time since said break up that I’ve been truly passionate about someone. i’m not really looking for any definitive answer, but i guess it’d be nice to get some feedback from an outside perspective. anyways peace and love and thank you to anyone who took the time to read this…

-J-Ska