Home→Forums→Relationships→Feeling lost and confused, but missing him
- This topic has 7 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 11 months ago by Anonymous.
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January 18, 2017 at 9:50 pm #125686MeggParticipant
I started dating a guy back in august of last year. He had been freshly divorced at the beginning of the year. I was slightly hesitant to start dating a man that soon after he had severed his last relationship. But after talking for a couple of weeks we decided to finally meet in person. Things went relatively smoothly for a somewhat long distant relationship.
We had been dating for about two months, and I was feeling unsure of whether or not he wanted a relationship with me. This was due to him not communicating with me very well in the last couple of weeks. Along with other people trying to get involved with our relationship. Which had my anxiety peaked to the point where I was breaking into tears at some point. I brought this up and he completely caught me off guard with finally confessing to me what he was thinking. (all over the phone)
He didn’t feel like he was good enough for me, he was falling for me and was terrified. He has so many issues that he needs to fix and he doesn’t want me to get involved. He wanted to stay friends, but at that point, I was extremely hurt. I then proceeded to get emotional, due to the fact that he was finally opening up to me, just to push me away.
I would try to communicate with him saying I would give him his space, but at the same time trying to work things out if we could. He stopped replying to me which made me panic more. I eventually gave up on trying to communicate all together. And eventually deleted him off most of my social media, do to the distress it made to see him at all.
I haven’t tried talking to him in over 3 months and now I want to try to reach out to him, just to see how he is doing. But at the same time, I am afraid and feel foolish for even thinking about doing so after how emotional I got the last time we talked. I miss him a lot and want to try to be friends with him again, at least. Is it a bad idea for me to reach out to him? Or should I just let that old relationship just completely die off?
January 19, 2017 at 10:27 am #125724AnonymousGuestDear meggosaurus:
You are “feeling lost and confused” currently. If you contact him and he rejects you, or ignores you, you will feel hurt and distressed, maybe less lost-and-confused. Are you willing to take this chance?
anita
January 19, 2017 at 3:30 pm #125740MeggParticipantSee, that’s where I’m at a loss. I don’t know if he his worth gettig hurt over again. I care about him a lot, but I feel like if he wanted me in his life he would try to contact me. But on the other hand, I feel like my actions made him feel like I didn’t want to have anything to do with him either. So I don’t feel like he would reach out even if he wanted to.
January 19, 2017 at 5:52 pm #125746AnonymousGuestDear meggosaurus:
From what I understand, if I was you, I wouldn’t reach out to him. Not a promising prospect, based on his behavior in the past. What you need, feels to me, is a man who is very interested in you. Don’t need the anxiety of “he-wants-me — he-wants-me-not” – this is very difficult on the nerves.
anita
January 19, 2017 at 6:22 pm #125747KellyParticipantDear megalosaurus,
Don’t do it. Don’t reach out to him. It will only cause you pain and a step backward from where you are. I’m in a similar situation and have found myself on this website reading article after article crying my eyes out about how to move on, and let it go, and overcoming that miserable, awful gut wrenching sense of abandonment! (I realize I have abandonment issues most likely stemming from childhood.) and the only thing I can say is I’m envious of you having gone three months without contacting him! I can’t wait to epreach that milestone! (My ex-BF just stopped talking to me on New Years and I had to confront him at his house just to get him to tell me he doesn’t want a relationship and he’s 48 years old!”) My point is you are not responsible for his feelings. Only for yours. And you owe it to yourself to find someone worthy of your attention. We all are.
January 19, 2017 at 6:58 pm #125750MeggParticipantDear anita and kemi829
I have come to realized over the corse of reading your advice. That all I was for him was just something to fill the hole that his divorce had made. And I totally agree I deserve better than that. I do not plan to speak to him again. Thank you both so much for your helpful advice.
January 20, 2017 at 2:08 am #125767PoppyxoParticipantWell done Meggosaurus.
This man needs to heal, take it from me, 6 months into healing from my ex boyfriend and after going back and forward with him, undecided f what I want I have come to the conclusion that regardless if I still want a relationship with him, I come first, and that means taking as much time as I need to heal. A marriage carries a lot more than a relationship so I would imagine it’d take a lot longer.
He was probably seeking a relationship to cover up his own pain, and you’re not the right person for this.
Work on yourself as well in this time and try & get to the bottom of your anxiety (this is usually worries about the future)January 20, 2017 at 7:07 am #125780AnonymousGuestDear meggosaurus:
You are welcome. I believe you are doing the right thing for yourself.
anita -
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