Hi Confused 123,

Here are a few articles to search at http://www.affinity4us.com that may help: “How Fear and Insecurity Affect Your Relationship”, “What is Your Attachment Style”, “5 Easy Ways to Silence Your Inner Critic”, “Know Your Worth”, “Do Your Fears Unknowingly Sabotage Your Relationship”, “The Greatest Lie We Tell Ourselves: I Am Not Enough”, “How To Make Your Toughest Decisions”. I also recommend this article from tinybuddha.com “3 Tools That Can Help You Calm Your Mind and Let Go of Anxiety”.

That will give you a good start. I do agree our unresolved fears or anxiety issues will be present in any relationship. Everyone, including you, deserves great love. We all have fears and defenses. If you can become more aware of yours as they “visit” you and start reality fact finding to recognize fears for what they are=FEAR: False Evidence Appearing as Fact (I don’t know who to give credit to for that acronym) and change your course of action.

Real love requires vulnerability. But the great truth to remember is love is a gift you give freely. So you see, it is not about earning love, or being good enough. Also, you cannot control your fiancé. He knows you and is aware of your struggles and choses to stay. He loves you. So choose to reframe your thoughts on this. Instead, tell yourself “I give my love freely to my fiancé; My fiancé gives his love freely to me. I am responsible for my choices and action and he for his. I am free. I choose to appreciate all of my experiences with him because they are a blessing whether a joy or a learning experience.” Then take one day at a time and the future will take care of itself. We never, ever control the future. The future is created in the now. How you think, what you decide, the actions you take are all right here and now. Worry and anxiety and fears are all in the future that may never happen! So choose to take the reigns today and free yourself from your anxiety. Choose a new habit of self love and confidence and trust what you chose now will build the future you love.

You are very kind and very welcome! I’m happy for you and your fiancé. One caution, as you work together, it will likely bring unconscious things to the surface. So be prepared not to judge but to seek to understand and empathize with him and he with you. Feelings are not right or wrong, they are fluid and meant to inform us (of real or not real things). Men typically have deep inner worlds and many are not comfortable exploring and sharing them so this is a very loving and trusting act. I want to correct the acronym… FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.  All the best in your journey!