August 3, 2013 at 3:06 pm #39694AkimParticipant
I hope my problems make sense and that i can get some help and perspective from you guys! Also, forgive my english, its not my main language. 😛
4 years ago, i was with this girl. She was basicly my first Girlfriend. I was 18 years old. Like every beginning, it was great. We loved each other and we couldn’t get enough of one another.
At that time, i had alot of problems with my family. Parents yelling at each others, fighting, too much pressure from their part for me to succeed at school and be this and that, ect. I wasn’t happy and i looked up to her as being the only direction where i could go to feel
. Because of that, i felt like i had develop some sort of emotional dependance and i didn’t like it.
High school was over and i started college. I went to a place i didn’t want to go and into a program i HATED. So then again, she was my only way for me to feel a bit of happiness.
Anyways, long story short, after my first term, we started having problems and we broke up after a year together. The problem was the damage it inflicted on me after that…and also the fact that she cheated on me. I felt betrayed.
Now, I’m almost 23 years old now but i just CAN’T seem to move on with my life. In terms of relationships, i have had SO many opportunities to be with someone and i didn’t do anything. I started having more and more regrets because of those losses, living more and more on the past, wondering about that girl or this girl and
scenarios kicked in like crazy, etc. etc. (All bad stuff :P)
I feel like i am not able to open up to someone. I don’t really have friends. They come and go and they only seem to stick around when they need something (i hate that because i always want to help and be there for people but it’s never the other way around). Also, I barely go out and i end up feeling so lonely because of all of those bad experiences. Some days, I don’t even want to try anymore.
It’s not how i want to be at 23 years old. i KNOW i can do better but i just can’t seem to make something happen.
In a short summary:
I’m stuck, lonely, scared and angry at myself.
Anyone relying to this that can offer help?
Sorry if it’s long and weird :P, i never speak about those things and it does feel kinda good to write it here. Thank you.August 3, 2013 at 8:36 pm #39709MattParticipant
I’m sorry for the twists and turns of your life that have lead you to such a stuck feeling place. It sounds like you have a lot of fear, which is normal and ordinary when our history is a little rough. Consider reading “Smile at Fear” by Chogyam Trungpa, it may help with confronting you fear, helping you regain some of your “present moment power” and move forward with courage.
MattAugust 3, 2013 at 10:34 pm #39715PeaceParticipant
Akim, I’m sorry for what you are going thru, I feel for you. I’m kinda going thru a similar thing and It is gut wrenching. I’ve got the same movie replaying in my mind and it never stops. Regret is a mind and soul destroyer. It is so hard to move past it all. Your only friend is time. While you wait for time to somehow heal the wound, you must distract yourself. It is hard but you must get out and and get moving. From your post, you say you had so many opportunities. Guess what? More are out there, the opportunities will come if you are out there. I had to learn the hard way that there were zero opportunities in my living room. When I finally went out one day to the store, the cute checkout girl gave me the biggest smile and brightest eyes. For ten minutes, I completely forgot all about my situation. That one little interaction was enough to inspire me to get out a little bit more (back to that store for sure!). I’m still working thru my deal, and it’s very difficult….but man, I’m telling you from tough experience, get out there. All you need right now is a small spark to get your engine going. Go to a concert, bar, club, party, heck I went to the grocery store! Hang in there! Peace and good vibes coming your wayAugust 4, 2013 at 11:35 pm #39748AkimParticipant
Thank you for the responses ^^ I really appreciate it.
Ill have a look at the book you suggested me Matt!
I’ve been spending the last 2 months of my summer vacacion in my room. It’s like i’m waiting for something to kick me out of it. It’s weird to explain. All that anger and fear have seem to become part of my comfort zone.
And Peace, yeah I know what you mean.I am familiar with that little feeling where all of your worries seem to stop for a moment because of somthing or someone. I wish i could experience it again.
It’s funny because i seem to know what to do but god it’s so hard to actualy stand up and do it.August 9, 2013 at 5:39 pm #40093SVParticipant
If it makes you feel any better, I’m 23 too and I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over most of the guys I’ve been with. To the point where my last relationship was ruined because I couldn’t let go of another guy who was hot/cold and unable to commit to me. It’s been 8 months, my most recent ex has moved on with a new girl, but I am still pining over him AND the guy before him. I think it has to do with a lot of emotional issues I’ve in general, but I guess my point is you are not alone and it’s ok. I have a few friends like you who are not over people they met at 18 too, their first loves. It’s more common than we think…