Feelings of disconnectedness

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This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 3 months ago by Sarah Jane.

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September 7, 2014 at 7:36 pm #64525

Cara
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Lately I feel so outside of myself. I have struggled with anxiety for over a year now. I’ve learned that, with the anxiety, the reason its there is that it’s trying to tell me something, and I have to listen to that voice and really dig deep to figure it out.

But the constant worrying and obsessing over useless things is becoming frustrating. This isn’t me, and I just want to feel like my old self again. The anxiety has created this feeling in me of disconnecting from myself. Perhaps this is a mechanism to protect myself?

My relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years has been a little rocky. We’re both very different and I feel that a good bit of my anxiety and worry comes from our relationship. I worry about the relationship ending, and me being alone. I love him, more than anyone, and I want to be with him. But I do feel that I’ve lost a good share of my independence in the time I’ve been with him. This is something I need back. I also have figured out that I feed off of his emotions more than ever and he is someone that is somewhat hard to please and can be very unhappy, at the worst times.

I just would really appreciate some clarity on all of this.

September 7, 2014 at 9:03 pm #64528

sublimeliver
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Hello, I joined this site to get some insight and find some kind of connection with positive people and people that would somehow point me in the right direction. This is the first time I have laid this subject on the line (literally and figuratively). I read your post and I can relate to it completely. A year ago I was an extrovert and I felt in total control of my life. Then I lost my got stressed out at work and endured what I guess is called a meltdown. My sense of self-esteem was shattering and as I looked at the pieces I began to notice some anxiety and awkward lulls with my friends.

It hit me like a ton of bricks in slow motion. I began to notice I was out of the moment. I wasn’t myself, I was worrying about petty things, my mind wasn’t clear, I felt no motivation, and I became utterly depressed. This was the antithesis of what I was years prior. I didn’t get it. How could I feel so connected to my family, my job, my life, and then boom…I am experiencing anxiety and feeling unlike anything good and positive. One factor I think is a big one I am feeling is that this experience led me to have to stay with my brother. This was a difficult humbling moment for me. I lost my independence. It added to my low sense of self-esteem.

I am no doctor, I am no soldier, I am a man that is experiencing something similar. I am on the verge of moving out and I think when I do get out, I will have more of my independence back. This is my hope. I hope it will all turn around when I feel like I own my life again and steer my ship toward the destiny I am striving for. I have to try to keep my head up and push on. I hope you find the peace of mind you are looking for. I lost my relationship due to this “anxiety” issue. I was consumed by it. I fell apart in so many ways, now I feel like I am starting over. Rise above it and push on sister. I am trying hypnosis now…hoping it will reboot my subconscious and allow me to get to the next level. Best wishes.

September 8, 2014 at 8:08 am #64570

louise
Participant

What do you mean when you say that you are feeding off of his emotions?

September 8, 2014 at 8:14 pm #64608

Cara
Participant

Sublimeliver,
Thanks for sharing. I know I can push past all this and live a truly fulfilling life, and I know that the relationship I have currently is one that is meant to last, and that we only need to hold our heads high. What hypnosis are you doing? I’ve been looking for something good. Joseph Clough is definitely something to check out.

Louise,
I read something profound that I’d like to share with you that explains your questions. Its a bit long, but I think it would be worth your time to read:

Many of us are raised by well intending parents to be the carriers of their sadness. Often the one child who is softer than the rest, who is more sensitive than the family is used to, is the one selected to deal with what one one else can or will deal with. It is an odd fate. I was one of those. I was often called too sensitive, too emotional, to day dreamy. But as I grew older, as life visited us with the hardships that life inevitably does, it was I who was needed to carry the burden of my families inability to feel. Without having my capacity to feel ever valued I was the one to shoulder sadness with the brunt of my heart. I have come to understand that there is a huge difference between sharing someones pain and bearing it. Too many times, those in pain use the concern of loved ones as a way to ground what they dont want to feel themselves. The way electricity runs off into the ground during a storm, they mistakenly use others to run their sadness and pain into the ground of those who care. Too often, we want others to hold our sadness or pain because we wont take the risk to ask them to hold us while we are hurting. As an adult trying to be my own person, understanding which feelings are genuinely mine and which are those I have inherited is often confusing. People like me frequently feel responsible for emotional condition of others. It is a delicate and never ending task, this sorting of what is truly ours and what is not. When unable to stay within ourselves, we become codependent, never feeling at peace until the emotions of everyone around us are managed and tended-not so much out of compassion but as the only way to quiet our anxious burden as carriers of sadness or when rebounding the other way we can isolate, becoming not only dispassionate to others, but also numb to ourselves.

September 10, 2014 at 6:28 am #64697

Matt
Participant

Cara,

Especially for an empath, but for everyone, it is important to learn how to self comfort, self nurture. When anxiety rages so distinctly, with the symptoms of “feeding” off people’s emotions, chances are pretty good that you don’t take much time to unplug, turn off the electronics, the internet, the mystery of the boyfriend situation, life situation, and just sit, relax, enjoying silence or soft music.

When we run our bodies hard, they get cranky, like the way toxins build up in our muscles when we work them hard. We need to let things flush, erode the byproduct, unwind and relax, so we can approach our life with a sense of refreshment. My favorite self care activity is metta meditation. It helps the mind become more peaceful, smooth and open, so any given unknown isn’t as pulling, doesn’t demand our attention. This let’s us approach the concerns, needs and dreams we have with a spaciousness, like being able to see things from multiple angles. Consider “Sharon salzberg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested. Really, any self nurturing activities can help, such as a warm bath with candles, soft music, nature walks, going to an art museum. Quiet places where our sense of wonder and peace can rekindle, expand, stretch out.

That being said, sometimes high levels of anxiety are produced by a chemical imbalance or other biological factors. If you have strong self care habits, take time every day to hug and comfort yourself, and still can’t seem to shake the dread, consider checking with your doctor. Sometimes it could be something as simple as not enough D vitamins, or other simple adjustments.

From a different direction, consider that if you’re absorbing the energy from the people around you, loved ones, situations, its like being able to breathe in the wonder of life around you. Without self care, the breath stays held, never releases, and anxiety is the body’s way of saying “I need to poop! I’m backed up!”

With warmth,
Matt

September 15, 2014 at 2:23 pm #64910

Sarah Jane
Participant

Hi Cara, have you ever heard the saying, It is better to be healthy and on your own than sick with someone else? Treat yourself as you would a good friend, as a lot of us don’t, including me!
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