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Feelings of guilt at blocking ex boyfriend

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Eliana 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #172655

    Lily
    Participant

    I dated a guy who used to be in the military for 6 years for about a year on and off. He was extremely honest to me and told me what things were wrong with me bluntly. Being from Asia, it was a fresh experience to find someone so frank. I liked that he was trying to help me become stronger as a person by becoming better able to communicate my opinions and emotions, which was never encouraged where I came from. I fell in love with him for his intelligence, honesty, sincerity and kindness toward me. Since he experienced much continuous pain from a military injury, however, he would often become mad at me for reasons I didn't understand why. He had been cheated on by girlfriends in the past and had trust issues. I am an emotional and affectionate individual who likes to have plenty of affection shown to me so I sometimes felt during our relationship that what we had wasn't enough. He was a lot more reserved in his affections and would not even hold my hand in public. In the end, we broke up because he wanted to take a break from our relationship to focus on school and job searching, which I could not accept easily. His friendship and support were so important to me and I could not imagine my life without him. We ended up fighting about it and breaking up. He tried to get back together with me a  couple weeks afterwards but I told him with all the fighting we had gone through I wanted to end my relationship with him completely. This happened about five months ago and he has kept emailing me after that. I finally blocked him two days ago. I have been reading his emails begging to have me back but not responding for the last 5 months because he called me a lot of bad names when we broke up. I miss him and want to reach out to him but I know that I should not be with him and we are not good for each other so I am trying to stop these feelings.

    #172687

    Erica
    Participant

    I feel we share many similarities I just think a lot of my issues are barley starting and I so feel you on this whole situation. But in this case he blocked me and I just noticed recently he had unblocked me so now I’m just waiting, waiting on him or whatever needs to be done because I have nothing else to express I did all that already and I’ve done more than I should have now I’ll just wait. That’s where I’m at with it with my feelings 🙁

    #172695

    Connie
    Participant

    In my opinion, when there's no chance to reconcile, it's probably for the best to cut off communication completely, including blocking ex if necessary.

    It's more about your self healing and growing from the breakup, and eventually learning to love yourself more than anyone else.

    Perphps you can try blocking for one or two months, just to give you some time to clear your head/collect thoughts, and unblock him when you are ready to communicate again?

    #172701

    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Lily,

    By telling you “what things were wrong with you” isn't a sign he healthy or supportive boyfriend to you, rather a very controlling person who wanted to fix you. Also, he used aggression by getting “angry” with you alot on things you said you did not understand, meaning he had anger issues, perhaps stemming from childhood that he was using against you. Because of his unresolved anger, he was calling you abusive and unkind names. This is signs of a very toxic individual, and I am glad you broke things off with him. Instead of trying to “fix” you, by criticising you and pointing out all the negative things he saw in you, he should have been using that energy “fixing” himself.

    Anytime you start thinking about him or missing him, think about all the Times he made you feel bad about yourself, the unkind names he called you, the anger outburst, the controlling and constant negativity and nitpicking.

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