I am struggling with feelings of guilt and anxiety. My father went to the hospital yesterday for a block in his pancreas. This happened while I was at work and when I checked my phone I had nearly 8 missed calls from my dad’s partner. Both my father and his partner have majorly overreacted in the past about medical issues. My dad in particular makes a huge deal out of his sicknesses. He tells everyone he can that he is far worse than he is and feeds off of the attention. I am enraged by this behavior. I am now an adult but I have a deeply rooted trauma of him telling me he was going to die from illness when I was 14. I remember being absolutely miserable whenever he got sick growing up because he would make the entire household such a terrible place to be. If he wasn’t feeling good, we were all expected to feel bad too.

My Dad’s partner is very similar to him in this way. After leaving an incredibly long shift at work, I called my father’s partner and he said I needed to spend the night in the hospital or at least come visit for a few hours. Two people were already staying with my father but my dad’s partner insisted he couldn’t be alone in the hospital. Every cell in my body wanted to scream. I tried to tell him how it made me feel, and that my father was surrounded by a team of medical professionals and that my presence was only going to add to his theatrics. He told me that I didn’t care about my father and some things that were untrue and hurtful to me. I hung up and started sobbing hard. In total, my Dad’s partner had called me 14 times in one day. I called my friend who told me I did the exact right thing by protecting myself from the toxicity. Is this true?

I’m not sure how to cope. I am moving in four days and starting a new job next week so it’s like the stress is drowning me. I’m so anxious I’m sick to my stomach. I feel angry with my dad’s partner and annoyed with my father. And I feel guilty. Please advise. Thank you so much!