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January 4, 2021 at 9:29 am #372161DuaParticipant
Hi TB fam 🙂
My name is Dua and I have finally mustered up the courage to ask for advice.
4 days into the new year and already my husband and I are at each other’s throats. Our marriage is on the rocks and this time I don’t know what to do about it. We met 4 years ago and boy was he everything I was looking for in a man. We fell passionately in love and wed soon after. Now we are 2 years into our marriage with a beautiful little girl who makes me so happy.
I can’t help but feel like I don’t the man that I married anymore. It’s as if he has done a complete 180 on me. He no longer cares for the things that drew me to him. He was a true doer and believer of God’s word, but now he barely opens his bible or even prays. He used to love making an effort in our relationship, being kind, being helpful, and thoughtful, now all he does is play video games, drink with his friends, and scroll through his phone the whole day. Dont get me wrong there are so many good things about him too, like how great of a father he is and how no matter how tough our relationship gets he is always very patient with me.
He has become very selfish with his time and intimacy, not just in the bedroom, but also emotionally. I feel like he doesn’t see me anymore. I have tried everything to make myself more appealing, exciting, and inviting to him, but my efforts go unnoticed. Is he cheating on me? No. But honestly, it would be better to find out he is cheating than to believe that he has lost interest in me or our relationship.
We have tried to go for counseling together and separately, but even then I feel that I am the only one doing the work. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. My chips are down.
He is currently away by himself on a trip that we planned together. I am so angry and so confused.January 4, 2021 at 10:50 am #372172AnonymousGuest
You shared that you met your husband four years ago and married him two years ago. You have a little girl together. At the time you met him, he was kind, helpful and thoughtful, “a true doer and believer of God’s word” who “used to love making an effort” in the relationship. As a result, you “fell passionately in love” with him and married him.
Fast forward, he is a great father, and he is “always very patient” with you, “no matter how tough” the relationship is. But otherwise, you feel that “he has done a complete 180” on you: “now all he does is play video games, drink with his friends, and scroll down his phone the whole day.. He has become very selfish with his time and intimacy, not just in the bedroom, but also emotionally”. You feel that he doesn’t see you anymore. You tried to make yourself “more appealing, exciting, and inviting to him”, but your efforts go unnoticed. He is currently away by himself on a trip you planned to do together, and you are “so angry and so confused”.
It will help you if you are no longer confused, if you disperse the confusion and enjoy clarity of mind and heart. For that purpose, I ask:
(1) Can you elaborate on this sentence: “he is always very patient with me”?
I am asking because there is an incompatibility between describing a man as being “always very patient” with his wife and “all he does is play video games, drink with his friends… very selfish with his time and intimacy “. If all he does is play computer games etc., when does he get to be patient with you, let alone to always be patient with you?
Also, “very selfish” is incompatible with “very patient”.
(2) Can you elaborate on “no matter how tough our relationship gets”?
I wonder if there have been arguments and fights between the two of you, and if there are, I wonder how those arguments and fights come about, who starts them and who keeps them going.