Dear Dua:

You shared that you met your husband four years ago and married him two years ago. You have a little girl together. At the time you met him, he was kind, helpful and thoughtful, “a true doer and believer of God’s word” who “used to love making an effort” in the relationship. As a result,  you “fell passionately in love” with him and married him.

Fast forward, he is a great father, and he is “always very patient” with you, “no matter how tough” the relationship is. But otherwise, you feel that “he has done a complete 180” on you: “now all he does is play video games, drink with his friends, and scroll down his phone the whole day.. He has become very selfish with his time and intimacy, not just in the bedroom, but also emotionally”. You feel that he doesn’t see you anymore. You tried to make yourself “more appealing, exciting, and inviting to him”, but your efforts go unnoticed. He is currently away by himself on a trip you planned to do together, and you are “so angry and so confused”.

It will help you if you are no longer confused, if you disperse the confusion and enjoy clarity of mind and heart. For that purpose, I ask:

(1) Can you elaborate on this sentence: “he is always very patient with me”?

I am asking because there is an incompatibility between describing a man as being “always very patient” with his wife and “all he does is play video games, drink with his friends… very selfish with his time and intimacy “. If all he does is play computer games etc., when does he get to be patient with you, let alone to always be patient with you?

Also, “very selfish” is incompatible with “very patient”.

(2) Can you elaborate on “no matter how tough our relationship gets”?

I wonder if there have been arguments and fights between the two of you, and if there are, I wonder how those arguments and fights come about, who starts them and who keeps them going.

anita