Hello all:

I’ve been a regular visitor to TB for a while now, liking the positive and kind tone of the emails but I never thought to post here until this morning, when I woke up, like I do every morning for the past few months, think about my child’s illness and feel both despondent and desparate.

I will try to keep it brief. Basically my situation is this, my ex and I have been divorced for 10 years but it was not amicable. He has never forgiven or forgotten what has happened so to this day, we barely speak. We email each other so the children can do what they need. That we have managed to do, thank goodness and we were doing okay for the last few years. But 6 months ago, my daughter, almost 15, started feeling ill and it progresses from bad to worse. Now she just lies down all day and can’t go to school because it hurts to sit up for more than 20 minutes at a time. She has a whole host of symptoms from blurry vision to red streaks up and down her legs to reversed night and day. We have taken her to numerous doctors and specialists and no one can find anything wrong with her, except anxiety. She is seeing 2 counsellors now and we try to support her however we can but her pain continues. For a while, I got a positive diagnosis for her for Lyme’s disease but another test came back negative so now we don’t know and I cannot progress with anything unless her dad and I agree and that is not going well. I guess the good side is that he cares about her as well but we are just so different. He wants to do everything with the local Children’s hospital and I want to try taking her to a naturopath or to other doctors for a second opinion. But the local hospital has decided what she has, anxiety, and they will not change their position and my ex sides with them and everyday, my daughter is in pain.

To compound the difficulty of treating a sick child with an unknown condition, my ex and I go to battle over everything, from who should treat her, what alternative medicine to try, how she can keep up with school to what we should tell her. The only way we make progress is to sit in an office with a parent co-ordinator ( court appointed) and our daughter’s counsellor so we can keep on track and not get lost in arguments and blaming. I try to be calm and open but it seems just by me being there, aggravates everything. Our progress is glacial.

To add to this, he is taking me to court for ‘retroactive’ child and spousal support and also does not consent to my children moving to a new home with me across the city. 20 minutes extra away by car and everybody’s schedule stays the same.

Everyday I hope for something that will turns this around and yet things continue to stay the same or get worse. My job is starting to suffer, my other daughter is feeling neglected, my stress level is through the roof and I cry, a lot. I can’t even think the unthinkable, that my daughter will never get better and her quality of life will remain at this dismal level.

I know I have my health, for now, smile but I would dearly appreciate any advice or suggestions anyone has to get through what has been the toughest thing I’ve had to do in my 50 years.

With hope and a bit of desperation,