Hi Anita,

I am yet to start the guided meditations I have a course for I don’t know what’s holding me back. I am on a waiting list for CBT, maybe when those sessions start I will find it easier. From what I understand CBT is similar to mindfulness.

I have a bit of a moral conundrum on my hands this weekend, my ex’s father passed away this time last year and I remember like it was yesterday. We’re not in touch and I have it on good authority she is with someone else now but I still feel the pain of her and her daughter’s loss. I don’t know if it would be a good idea to message her and let her know that I am thinking of them both at this time.

Hi Anita,

I think you are right, no contact at all is the best idea. Maybe it won’t benefit her and even though I wouldn’t have been expecting a response, I can’t say for sure that it wouldn’t affect me. I am also now thinking that I won’t attend works christmas meal, knowing that she will be there. I do feel I have let go – I feel sad, but not in a longing for her way – but there will be alcohol involved and that may incite anger or resentment at the lack of honest closure she offered. Particularly if she has found someone else so quickly and is out with him.

I know I should be getting out but I feel now that night is not worth the risk. I would like to hold my head high knowing that I have been genuine but my anger, fear and distrust of people and the world at large is still there. Even though I have made progress I am proud of, the “universal compassion” talked about in the books I am reading is a long way off.

Thank you for listening

Hi Anita,

I believe it means to have released yourself from the grip of negative emotions so that you can see even those who have caused you pain with compassion. A subjective view point from which you can see that their hurtful actions are rooted in something such as fear or pain, and have compassion for that fact, not necessarily them as a person, or the time you shared. That is my interpretation of “universal compassion”.

On to the anger. I feel angry because I tried so hard to reconcile our differences in what I felt was a mature way, and was met with… Nothing. I had a little ‘crazy’ outburst for one day, sending quite a lot of texts, but this was days after she had called me saying we needed to have a proper talk, (which I had been saying for over a month) then ghosted me. I stopped texting her and over the course of a few days I composed a letter acknowledging my faults (which I had also stated from the beginning) and my understanding of how it affected the relationship. I stated how I felt, what I wanted and that we needed to talk for both our sakes, so that if we don’t want the same things in life then we can go our separate ways without animosity.

She is still very much ghost to me.

I let the angry thoughts pass and try to forgive myself for thinking them knowing that they come from a place of hurt. My anger with the world at large on the other hand I am not sure where to start with that. It is much more deep rooted, I suspect it is a driving force for the periods of time when I shut away, never opening my curtains etc and then I mask with other emotional stuff instead of facing whatever that is. It is confusing to think about and draining when I do venture out.

Hi Anita,

First I need to correct a mistake in the first paragraph of my last post. It should read ‘A non-subjective view point’.

I see what you are saying about figuring out what is my responsibility and what is hers. I still feel that if I had the assertion to follow through with my initial feeling of not being ready then the hurt we have both suffered would never have happened. That is a fact, so it’s been hard not to see it as my fault. In reality, though, the truth is deeper. She pursued a relationship with me disregarding my feeling, that is also a fact and her responsibility.

I honestly don’t know what to think in regard to her motivation for ghosting me. It could be anger – from the time it took it to get my act together, or the issue she had with me and her friend at work. It could be fear of being honest – I heard her lie to friends and family on many occasions, why would I be any different? It could be that she just doesn’t care anymore – meeting someone new would have that effect I guess. I delivered the letter and let go so that I wouldn’t go through all these questions trying to understand, if she wanted me to understand she would talk.

Weed was indeed a way for me to medicate emotions, not just anger and fear though. Also the monotony of my life in general from my job environment to the disillusionment I feel. It was a blissful release in which I could be ok and lose myself in some music or a game without having to care that I feel too bad to get anywhere in life. It breaks my heart to think what that must be like from anothers perspective looking in, that I had just given up.

Hi Anita,

I heard her lie regularly through our relationship, things like her mum, sister or friends would call while she was with me at my home and ask where she was because they had something arranged, she would tell them that she was just around the corner and that she’ll be there in a minute. She would stay with me until I mentioned that so and so had called, you said you’d be a minute and like 30 has gone by.