November 14, 2017 at 10:09 am #178049
I read your “In love with a co worker I cannot have” post but am unable to reply to it because the topic was reported as inappropriate. Sometimes I think that topics may inadvertently get reported when members use touch screens and accidently touch the “report” link. This is the first time I noticed that users are not permitted to reply to topics that are reported. I don’t understand why your topic was reported. If anyone knows, maybe they’ll let me know.
You say that leaving your job isn’t an option. If I were you, I would make it an option. I would actively look for another job immediately. If you are removed from the situation, over time it’ll get easier to be without this guy and you will be okay, free from the difficult feelings, free to find a partner who is available.
BNovember 15, 2017 at 3:01 am #178125
You are very thoughtful, to start this thread for another member. It may be that the original poster of the thread you are referring to accidently or intentionally reported her own thread. I didn’t see a valid reason for it to be reported intentionally. I hope the OP is following this resurrection of her thread, that she welcomes it, and that she posts here.
I read your replies on other threads, Brandy, and I appreciate your intelligence, kindness and grace.
In your thread you wrote: “I am in love with a co worker. We are both married (I am currently separated) and the pain of seeing him every day is killing me. The relationship started as an emotional affair, we were both going through rough times in our relationships.” Your marriage seems to be over, is my understanding, but your co worker’s marriage is ongoing and he is committed to it. You are in emotional turmoil for seeing your co worker daily at work but leaving your job is not an option for you.
My input: no contact between you and the co worker, that is, one of you should leave the job. It doesn’t have to be you because he is also responsible for what has taken place over the past few years. If such is not an option for either, then I would recommend that no matter how you feel, how sad and lonely, desperate and drawn to him you feel, that you focus on your behavior: make it clear to him that the communication with him from now on will be the very minimal required as co workers and then make sure that it is so.
November 15, 2017 at 9:46 am #178173
- This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by anita.
What a nice thing to say to me. Thank you very much, and I’m so glad that you don’t think GypsyQueen’s topic is inappropriate either.
BNovember 15, 2017 at 9:55 am #178181
You are welcome, Brandy. Glad you are here!
anitaJune 15, 2018 at 3:33 am #212565
I brought back this thread (the member in the title is most likely not reading this, her thread referred to here being inactive for seven months at this point), because this is the one thread you did start and I want to know if you would like to communicate about your and my participation in the other thread, the one where your most recent post, a wonderful essay on Mindfulness, was posted a couple of days ago.
(I don’t want to address you on that thread because neither one of us is the OP of that thread).
anitaJune 15, 2018 at 4:43 pm #212637
Thanks for your post and the nice complement. How are you?
I think I understand what you are asking, and in that context I will say that I wasn’t planning on communicating further on that thread until the OP has a question or comment and I feel that I can contribute in some way to the discussion. Sometimes it’s better when someone else gives a new perspective, which is what nextsteps has done so perfectly (and more than once, if I recall correctly), and each person deals with loss differently and on his own timetable, so I’m quite satisfied to wait until…well…whenever.
On a different note, anita, once I have the time I’m going to reread all of Pearcehawk’s posts. His advice was really something, don’t you think? He’d often write about being grateful for every new day because it gave him another opportunity to do things right and to do the right things, something like that anyway. I can’t think of a better daily goal than that! Rest in peace, Pearcehawk.
BJune 16, 2018 at 2:16 am #212653
You are welcome and I am fine, thank you for asking.
I brought up the other thread because I thought that you and I shared some understanding, at this point, and could learn from our shared understanding, but reading your recent post here, I was wrong. And so, there is basis for the two of us to communicate about that thread.
Regarding Pearcehawk, he did contribute a lot here. It was very distressing at the time, to get a message under his username from his fiancé, stating he died in a DUI traffic accident. Because Pearcehawk shared before where he lived, what state in the U.S and what city in that state, I looked for online record of fatal traffic accidents in that city, state and the whole of U.S but found no such record. I don’t understand.
I enjoyed reading your posts, the last one on the other thread, may have been the best essay I read on Mindfulness, anywhere. I was so impressed. Easy to understand, humble, clear, very worthy to be presented in the Home Page I believe.
anitaJune 16, 2018 at 11:40 am #212709
No, you were not wrong. You were right in thinking that you and I shared some understanding about that other thread, but although there may be some value in posting our shared understanding, for me there would be no pleasure in it.
On that other topic we’re discussing, I did a little internet searching myself just now, found a long yelp thread with entries posted after Oct. 12, 2017 and suddenly no longer have an urge to re-read all those older posts.
Thank you again for the complement, anita! I hope you are having a nice day.
BJune 17, 2018 at 1:17 am #212731
You are welcome. Good to communicate with you, thank you for making it simple and easy, being honest, direct and straightforward. Looking forward to read from you anytime, anywhere.