Anita, I forgot to mention. In his text from the other night, he didn’t say  “wish I had you” he said “wish had u.”

I am not sure if that means the same thing. Does it?

Dear Anita, there is no way I would get together with him in person. No way. Plus, my old boyfriend is back in the picture. I couldn’t do that to him. It wouldn’t be fair. My ex-lover had his chance. Why he wrote, “wish had u” is ridiculous. He DID have me. I would’ve done anything for the man, but he dumped me without a reason, and left me hanging. He treated me like shit, used me, and then got scared, because I was getting too serious, I suppose, and fled like a coward. Now that he has been without me for all these months, he probably misses all the good times we had, not to mention the fact that he was treated like a king. He isn’t getting that sort of attention where he is, I know that. Of course, I could be wrong on all fronts. He might just miss the sex, which, if memory serves, was quite incredible. Now, I have to admit, I miss that! There was a hell of a lot of passion going on when we were together. I don’t know what he would’ve typed further if I hadn’t cut off the text. I was very polite to him, however, told him that I am happy, working hard, and living my life. He responded by saying, “that’s great!” Also,  he knows that I live by myself. Would he be tempted to want to come visit? I know not. I think if he was really interested, he would try getting in touch with me during the week, during NORMAL hours, and not just in the middle of the night when drunk. Of course, he has taken baby steps to try getting me to respond. I know now that last month, he did try getting me to respond, but I didn’t. So, he waited another month, and tried again. I’m not sure if my cordialness will get him to attempt another reach. I kind of doubt it. I think he might’ve been trying to just see if I was mad at him or not. He knows I don’t hold grudges, so it made him feel better. I’m not sure why that “wish had u” slipped into the texting from him. What was he thinking sending something so ridiculous? I made it seem like I was over it already, and had moved on. If he regrets what he did, he has a weird way of showing it. So, to answer your question, no…I would NEVER meet with him in person again.

Anita:

How strange that it took me months to start feeling mentally better about what happened with this jerk, and his two texts just set me back. Although not a day passes by that I don’t think of him, it was something I was starting to fade. Why is it that he is doing this to me? I don’t understand why he wouldn’t just get in touch, if he really wanted to…DURING THE DAY, like a normal person? Why does he wait till he is drunk & alone to reach out? Also, why hasn’t he at least sent an apology for what he did? It’s almost as if he was just reaching out to make sure I’m not mad, or going to possibly do something in retaliation. Even if I had blocked him, I think he would’ve used another phone to reach me. In his last text he made sure to write that he was “just happy that I answered his text.”

Thoughts?

If you knew this guy, you would see that he is one that cares a lot about what people think of him. He gets upset when he thinks people are mad at him. He was probably trying to test the water to see if I was still mad, because I had sent him that scathing email back in July. I think he doesn’t like it when people are mad at him. Also, maybe he is scared that I might tell someone in retaliation. He should know that I am not the type to retaliate. I would never tell people what happened between us. He might’ve been scared of that. I don’t know. I seriously doubt he wants to start up anything else, because he would call me during daylight hours, not when he is drunk & thinking about it. I have forgiven him, but will never forget the pain this man put me through. It was so unnecessary & cruel. I find it really lame that he would say that the reason he didn’t reach out sooner is because it was too hot at home. What the hell does that even mean? So, suddenly it isn’t hot at home? Suddenly, he can sneak off and text his ex at 1 am? I don’t know what his game is, but I don’t want him anymore. I’m already dysfunctional enough without him confusing me more.

Perhaps now that I answered him, told him I am not angry anymore and that I am living my life and have moved on…will he do the same, or will he?

You explained that so well, Anita. The love I felt for the man was huge! I think he knew how much I loved him too. See, in his world, he is distracted by his kids, wife, friends, parents, job and other happenings. He doesn’t have time to think about me and what he did unless he is out. After socializing or hunting, he spends time alone with his thoughts. I remember he used to tell me that he would often have dreams with me in them, or be thinking about me when he’d wake up or go to bed. How can he not? I paid for his sleep apnea machine he has to use nightly. Me, on the other hand spend most of my life alone. My family has their own lives & all, and I don’t have a lot of friends that live around here. Also, I work on my boss’s ranch (personal assistant & estate manager) all by myself. My coworkers are my boss’s dogs. When I first got this job a year & a half ago, it was a week after him & I met up for the first time. He used to call me constantly to check on me and make sure I was ok. Sometimes if I didn’t answer the phone, he’d get worried. Every morning without fail this man called me, then throughout the day. When he ghosted, I was unprepared. It went from constant attention to nothing. It hurt me so bad, Anita, I missed two days of work, couldn’t eat, or function. I went thru the worst depression of my life. I truly thought I was going to go out of my mind. This sorry bastard now wants to reach out & text, simply because his home life sucks? All these latest texts did was get me depressed again. I mean, look how many postings I have written on this forum! All devoted to a man that tricked me into thinking he cared the whole time. It makes you start questioning yourself. Am I pretty enough? Smart enough? Did I have bad breath? What? He has no idea how in love I was with him. He played with an extremely delicate woman with a heart of gold, and crushed my spirit.

Happy belated new year, Anita! I wanted to drop by to tell you that after my last post, I stopped worrying/analyzing why the “man” I had the affair with ghosted me. I spent the holidays with my family, my long term boyfriend just spent a glorious weekend with me and I am slowly trying to let the horrible memory of what happened between me & “the man” slip away. I’ve been pretty distracted with work & life in general. I actually have been quite happy, however…..I went to bed at my normal time last night after an exhausting day at work around 10ish. My boss usually has a habit of texting me at all hours of the night, or early in the morning, but I won’t answer it until the morning. Last night, after I was almost asleep, I heard my phone make a noise, then about a minute later, another noise to indicate someone was sending me a text. No big deal. I figured it was my boss. Who else would it be? Well, this morning, I looked at my phone and was horrified to see if was from that guy!!!!!!! He has not reached out since that last time. This text said, “How are u doing?” “Have you trapped any hogs on the ranch?”

Okay?????!!!!! WTF?????????? This came at 11:11 & 11:12 pm. If you are wondering about the question about hog traps, well, we have a hog trap on the ranch I work at. I don’t understand this guy. Is he mental? Why would he suddenly text me again and ask such a random question? I never wrote him back today. I’m quite sure he was drunk too. Thoughts on why he did this again? It’s like he doesn’t even acknowledge what he did to me, like it is just another thing.

Laurie