Friends with Benefits (advice needed)

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This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Mark 10 months, 2 weeks ago.

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    Long story short, I recently got out of a almost 4 year relationship recently. During my time for healing I met this guy… let’s call him Grey.

    So Grey and I Met back in January. Our friends wanted us to start talking and be a “thing”. They think we’re good for each other. I didn’t really see him this way at first but after hanging out a few times I started to develop a crush. He had confronted the idea of “hooking up / talking” and suggested we shouldn’t…. days later he kisses me on our friends front porch step. Since then we’ve been kissing / holding hands / being more intiment… so obviously I’ve started to like this guy and he’s making it seem like he’s really starting to like me to.

    Everything is perfect… except that he has a girl coming in 2 weeks from another country. He met this girl while studying in New Zealand in college a few years ago and kinda fell in love with her from my understanding. So she’s coming in 2 weeks, for 2 weeks. Basically she’s coming down for this huge adventure with him and then there’s me. He told our mutual friend he’s going to start distancing himself because he’s starting to really like me and doesn’t wanna hurt me or this other girl, he also isn’t an average douche bag and he didn’t want us doing anything because he knew this New Zealand girl was coming soon (this visit was planned before him and I met).


    Realistically after the two weeks she will go back to her country and he’ll be coming back home. I really want to persue something with him eventually, you know AFTER she goes back home. So what should I do? If he’s anything that I think he is, and his friends think he is, he’s going to be thinking of me when he’s with her because he’s developed feelings for me and that makes me feel really crappy.


    I feel kind of stuck, I want him but I don’t want to ruin anything and I don’t want to ruin this girls trip but I also like this guy.






    So you two are already in this phase of romance and being intimate.  Have you talked with him about exclusivity?  Why can’t you two talk about this impending New Zealander’s visit instead hearing it through the mutual friend?

    Start from there.





    In my opinion, I think Grey is not sure what exactly he feels for you and for the other girl. He wants to meet her to see if he’s still feeling the same way he used to be when he was in New Zealand, whereas he’s developing a feeling for you now.

    I understand your confusion, K. But please try to think this way: Whatever (or whoever, in this case) is destined to be yours, it will be yours at last. I think you should let him go to meet this girl and wait patiently. If he is going to be your boyfriend, he will come back to you. Make it clear by asking him that he does choose you. But if not, well, just accept it and move on. I know it sounds easy said than done, but I believe you can go through this tough time and finally get stronger.


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