I have a friend who I initially met through dating platform but we decided to remain friends because her career was moving into a new direction and after getting to know her more I realised she has a lot of deep unresolved trauma. While we both had feelings for each other from the start, she was able to move on but mine seemed to intensify that she become my limerence object. We talk everyday throughout the day and regularly meet up, she’s also quite a touchy feely person which further confuses me I.e. if watching tv together she would curl up on my or sometimes place her hand on my leg – I don’t do this with any of my friends. While I do love her and our friendship comes above anything I told her that I need space because I’m unable to be a good friend to her when I’m feeling like this as I realised I started to feel jealous of her other interactions and would not be okay if she ever started to date someone else. My question is, how do I heal but also salvage our friendship? Is this unrealistic? Because neither of us want to end the friendship as it means so much although we are both codependent on each other but I don’t know how to be a friend while I’m feeling like this. What’s more is she goes to all the events and spaces I go to which is a small community so I’ll bump into her at some point
I am sorry that your relationship did not pan out the way you first hoped for and you are going thru this confusing time of the thoughts are of wisdom & compassion for both you and her and yet the emotions & feelings arise of wanting the situation to be other than it is. It appears that she feels comfortable & safe with you, but maybe you can get her a lovely soft teddy bear to cuddle up with instead of you.
The teachings and meditations on Loving Kindness are the ones that helped me when I was in a similar situation for which I am so grateful for and these teachings are now hopefully part of the foundation of my life. Helping to keep me in align with my aspirations to live a kind & caring life.
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