- This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 2 months ago by Anonymous.
July 4, 2018 at 1:54 pm #215441sunchildParticipant
Hello everyone, thank you for taking the time to read my post.
Recently I have been through some life changing experiences and emotions.
I have always been people’s go to friend. The “tag along” friend. Always ready to do what they wanted to do.
That has always been very full filling for me, but after this past year and these emptions, I am trying to work on myself. Body, mind and soul. It is hard enough for me to actually commit time to my own happiness and health, my friends of years, cannot understand.
The moment our friendship is about me and not them, they accuse me of being weird and angry.
This has happened with all three of my closest friends this past two weeks, no matter how hard I try to be there for them and for myself, I still feel like I am drowning.
I feel like it is hard to understand without examples and context .
I suppose I am trying to respect my time and what I choose to do with it, and do that same thing for my friends.
When I communicate this (the best way I van right now) it is met with anger and blame by my friends.
I am just at a loss. I want to grow, and I feel like I am growing in other areas, and my friends are angry I want to grow.
I also don’t want to run away from my problems, that is something I am working on.
This morning I had a big argument with a friend, I tried to be respectful and sencere with my apologies, and they could only apologize for the argument.
Any help, or similar situations or advice are appreciated.
My significant other is so supportive and down to earth. We have talked, and I feel good about that. I just feel alone in the friend department, and need to talk these deep feelings out.
Thank you, much love ~sunchildJuly 5, 2018 at 8:34 am #215551KathleenParticipant
If you are trying to grow and your friends are upset about that, you need to realize that it is not your fault for their anger. Somewhere deep inside, they must be worried that if you grow, you will not be there to help them and listen to their problems like you normally are. I feel the best thing would be to reassure that you are here to support them, yet you need to pay more attention to your own problems too. If you feel like you are drowning, voice those beliefs, in a calm and gentle way. Be direct and don’t beat around the bush, tell them how you feel, and don’t apologize for it!! Us empaths are always trying to make others happy and often become submissive. Don’t let this happen, be strong! If your friends do not support your growth, continue to fight, etc., they are not true friends and you need to consider letting them go. The point of having friends is to have people who support you, who allow you to grow, and who allow you to be happy/comfortable in your own skin. Consider all of this and make an informed decision about what to do next.
Good luck!July 5, 2018 at 10:17 am #215583AnonymousGuest
You ended your post with “much love”. Love is important to you.
You wrote that you were “The ‘tag along’ friend”, “Always ready to do what they wanted to do“. If they are angry because you don’t want to be a tag along friend anymore, that you no longer want to do, well they are not about loving you, but into having power over you, aren’t they?
anitaJuly 6, 2018 at 9:22 pm #215741sunchildParticipant
@Kathleen Thank you so much, your words are spot on and I could feel them in my soul. ♡ Thank you for the encouragement to stay strong, that has been the hardest part, and I am proud I haven’t caved in defending my rights to my life. Thank you so very much ♡
@anita Thank you for your wise insight ♡ Love is very important to me, sometimes I don’t think people understand how important no matter what I do.
I did have the realization that many of my best friends make me feel the way toxic ‘exes’ made me feel, and as soon as their power was cut off (thank you, I didn’t realize that until you wrote that) they became distressed because I wasn’t “the same as before” and “who I was”. I tried to explain this was my time to change and grow, I needed love and support from them and I am still met with anger.
I appreciate this help with clarity.
One of my friends has been very close for four years. She was my first adult friend that exposed me to a whole new world and mindset.
As I write this I am starting to understand that I feel like she helped me be who I am so I owe her. Now that I am on a path to my own new world, she doesn’t understand.
Always in her eyes things will be my fault even if she doesn’t know she is blaming me.
I could write about this for a long time, nobody feels like they did wrong or should apologize, and I feel I have apologized for my part.
I just feel like I don’t know how to proceed with friendships in general now, I cannot find a balance yet.
Thank you for reading and commenting, it helps more than you know.
♡sunchildJuly 7, 2018 at 3:43 am #215757AnonymousGuest
You are welcome. You wrote that you don’t know how to proceed.
You wrote: “I tried to explain this was my time to change and grow, I needed love and support from them and I am still met with anger“. Previously you wrote: “I am trying to respect my time.. when I communicate this.. it is met with anger and blame by my friends”
Can you give an example (maybe that big argument you had three days ago) including what you said and what she said, then what you said and so forth?
A detailed example can help me understand better and hopefully to suggest something useful about how you may choose to proceed.