Hi Luna

I’m going to put a trigger warning up at the top here, for the next relationship story I’m going to share at the end. So people know to stop reading if they don’t want to read something that is a sensitive topic and might make them feel uncomfortable.

I’m doing better thank you! How are you feeling?

I’ve always enjoyed the format of forums for the same reason. It’s nice to write something longer, thoughtfully at a slower pace sometimes.

Autumn is actually my favourite season too! I enjoy when the leaves change colour and fall from the trees. I walked by a lot of rich houses with trees on my way to school and there would be crispy fallen leaves on the path. I enjoyed shuffling through and kicking them. Such a simple pleasure. It reminds me of being a child again. It’s also not too hot and not too cold, so that’s a bonus.

Are you planning on going on vacation this autumn/winter? Or do you have anything that you’re looking forward to?

That is true, boundaries are very fluid in personal relationships. It’s a process of two people coming together and reaching an agreement on things, or not and parting ways. I tend to prefer professional relationships in the workplace for this reason. There are strict standards for behaviour. Personally, people’s perspectives vary a lot on which behaviours they find acceptable.

I would agree about not being too rigid in the filtering stage, as you call it.

Yes, the mixed signals about whether someone is trying to flirt or be friendly can be frustrating. I think it’s also difficult because some people are not straightforward if they like someone and can be afraid to let people know that they like them if they’re not sure the other person likes them back. Then again some people just enjoy flirting and don’t particularly want to go anywhere with it.

You mentioned that one difficulty you are having is finding someone who is on the same page as you about what makes a healthy relationship. I’m curious about what your idea of a healthy relationship is?

I agree, I think that’s why this forum is a great place, people can share in a safe space and get the opportunity to meet lots of kind people.

I’m glad that you’re enjoying my relationship stories. This next one is a not so fun a story, but sometimes dating is difficult.

I’m going to include another trigger warning here so anyone reading will know where the sensitive part is coming next.

So basically, there was this guy I liked who was a friend and I thought he liked me. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. We fell into a friends with benefits style situation briefly. It wasn’t my cup of tea. I suffered from low self-esteem and was told by my biological mother that this is what men wanted. Ultimately, the situation was too upsetting for me because previously I was a virgin and there were some consent issues because of abuse as a child. I wasn’t confident enough to outright say no to someone who didn’t make an effort to check if I was comfortable. After a couple of times I called the whole thing off because I was just getting upset afterwards.

I hope that wasn’t too tough to read. Wishing you all the best, it’s a pleasure talking as always! 🙏

Hi Luna

That’s quite alright! There is no rush 😊 I’m sorry to hear that your week had a lot of ups and downs. I’m glad that things seem to be calming down.

At the moment, I’m enjoying the chocolate apples available for Halloween. Here, the children go trick or treating and the adults get drunk at parties. My sister loves Halloween and enjoys dressing up for it. Usually, we watch horror movies together for Halloween. Do you have any favourite horror movies? The local woods are stunning this time of year now the leaves have changed colour.

Something special is happening for me. My husband and I are having our first child. I’m very nervous, as well as excited. The hormones are crazy! Ups and downs all of the time. I read a story about a pregnant lady crying over running out of orange juice early in the pregnancy and thought “That’s silly. I’ll never be like that…”. Well now I understand how she felt. 😂

Good luck with your poetry! If you would like to share any here you are welcome (it doesn’t have to be written by you, it could just be something that you enjoyed reading). I enjoy poetry too.

My favourite piece is by DH Lawrence:

I never saw a wild thing feel sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.

<p style=”text-align: left;”>Some may find it a little bleak. But for me it’s a nice reminder not to feel sorry for myself when things are difficult.</p>
That’s honestly fair! Everyone deserves to be treat with respect when they are courageous and brave with sharing their feelings. I think that you have a very positive view of rejection. I agree. The way I think about it is there are billions of people on the planet. We’re all looking for compatibility. It’s down to luck who we bump into and if they’re not compatible, it’s no ones fault. Good luck meeting someone that they are compatible with!

That’s a really healthy view of a relationship. That’s honestly how I feel with my husband and why I married him. It was the first time I’d ever felt like that. I felt like he even accepted the parts of me that I didn’t like about myself. In a way, him loving me; being kind and supportive taught me how to love myself.

I stumbled through relationships for a while wondering what love was. It’s great that you already intuitively understand it. You already know what you’re looking for! Be patient because these types of relationship can be hard to find.

I’m glad that you didn’t find my story distressing. Dating isn’t always sunshine and roses. I think it’s important to be aware of difficulties on the dating scene too. I’m okay and happy to share these stories with you. ❤️

My next relationship was a long term one. My first long term relationship. It was long distance, we met online and enjoyed talking. I visited him and we even planned for me to move to be with him. I had a difficult family life, so I wasn’t sad to leave it behind. But still it was a big decision. Where this relationship broke down is that this partner didn’t communicate very well in-person. Whereas online he was very communicative. So it was like two different experiences in-person vs long distance. He couldn’t cope with having important conversations and shut down, so I ended the relationship. It was difficult because I loved him, but sometimes love alone isn’t enough.

I’m curious about your forward thinking. I’m only just starting to plan for the future, I was in survival mode for a lot of my life. I don’t want you to share things that you don’t feel comfortable with though. As you said, it is a public forum, so I totally respect your privacy.

Love and best wishes! 🙏

Hi Luna

I have an email address or an imgur account if you would like to communicate outside of the forum.

The email address is tbthrowaway64@gmail.com

The username for imgur is usernamealgorithm

Whichever choose, please feel free to send me a quick message and I can reply to your last message there if you prefer.

Love and best wishes! 🙏

Dear Luna:

Thank you for getting back to me, for your good wishes, for focusing on the positives and for being otherwise kind to me and to others.

“the importance of personal development and having an open heart and mind to the life lessons… As for the point that has been raised throughout our interactions on intellectualizing emotions. I realize that everyone is prone to doing that at some point as we learn to better process our emotional world and even make the most of it in our real world”-

– After I submitted my last post to you on Sept 30, I read posts that you submitted in early October and I realized that your language was spontaneous and emotions were not intellectualized.. so I was wrong, I knew then, and wanted to let you know but waited until- and if- you get back to me. So, you did get back to me and what you expressed in the quote above is my opportunity to learn a life lesson, here it is (developing my thoughts as I type):

I tend to get laser focused on one element of the big picture and therefore, not see the big picture. I noticed the element of intellectualizing emotions in your early posts, and focused on that element. In my communication with you, I did not consider that everyone intellectualizes emotions to one extent or another (not just Luna..,  not just me), and I did not consider the possibility that this element is not permanent, that it is fluid instead, depending on you warming up to certain people, or feeling less awkward perhaps to post on a public forum.

I am wondering about the reason for this lifelong tendency, and what comes to mind is the image of a child trying to find stability on shaky ground where unpredictability/ capriciousness/ instability/ changeability rule. So, the child adjusts to this by looking for and focusing on whatever can be perceived as permanent and stable. Or, in other words, the child needs to see permanence, so she sees permanence. While being laser focused on permanence, changeability is a blur.

Thank you for teaching me this life lesson. I am now more capable than before- because of you- to see the bigger, fluid picture. Quite amazing…  It is possible for me to learn this lesson (it will be work in-progress to continue to learn it)  because you presented it to me kindly, gently.. not rudely or harshly- another lesson to further learn.

anita