Hello All,

Looking for some insight on getting back out there. I’m in my late 50’s and thought I had found the guy I would spend the rest of my life with close to three years ago. Several months ago he suddenly decided that the life we were planning was not what he wanted and dumped me. Mind you, he did this 20 minutes after we got back from the grocery store where he held my hand and bought me flowers. He just said he didn’t want this anymore and started putting his things in his car. We had been living together part time while he got his house ready for sale for about two and a half years. For clarity his house is 150 years old and needed a lot of work and is 100 miles from where I live. I found out a few days after the break up that what was really going on was that he had started an online relationship with a girl he knew from school and had recently reconnected with on Facebook. Less than a week after he left me he was half way across the country with this woman and she was posting pictures online of them together. Even though I did nothing wrong, I felt humiliated by his behavior.  I promptly blocked him so that I didn’t have to see it and feel like that was a good choice, but I still think about him all the time.  Not getting back together, but about what we had before this all happened. He was a really good man and probably the best relationship I ever had before this. Even my grown children were devastated that he did this.

Here’s what I’m struggling with… I would really like to put myself back out there and find a new love, but I am having a REALLY hard time doing so. I know that even if he wanted to come back, I wouldn’t let him back in at this point, so I’m not waiting for that. When men show interest in my online dating profile I’m excited at first, but when it comes to actually meeting them I feel sick and panic at the idea and the only ones I’ve managed to get out and meet are men I don’t think will actually work out in the first place.  I find myself searching the profiles, not for a man that would mesh well with me and have the same goals and interests, but for someone who is less than what I’m looking for and I can’t figure out why.  I also find myself limiting the distance range because I’m not sure I want to do another long distance relationship. Even if it’s only an hour or two away. Any thoughts on how I get back to a place where I can trust someone else and trust my own judgment again?