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Getting my ex back.

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  • #277995
    Occitanie
    Participant

    She got in touch with me 2 weeks after the break up. I invited her round to mine, but she didn’t respond, so I assumed she didn’t want to see me.<span class=”Apple-converted-space”> </span>

    Saturday night at 9pm, she shows up.<span class=”Apple-converted-space”> </span>

    She looked in a really bad state. Her hair was unkempt and I could just tell something was up and that she too was having a bad time.<span class=”Apple-converted-space”> </span>

    At first she was speaking to me, she just sat down and kept quiet. It took me quite some time to get her to open up.<span class=”Apple-converted-space”> </span>

    She told me that the last couple of weeks had been horrible for her. That she got in touch with a mutual friend to see how I was.<span class=”Apple-converted-space”> </span>

    She said she was frustrated with me because I was never capable of opening up to her when I wasn’t happy or if something was up.<span class=”Apple-converted-space”> </span>

    This is true, it’s always been hard for me. Any time I did in past relationships, they would just throw it all back at my face.<span class=”Apple-converted-space”> </span>

    We talked a little more and I told her that I wanted things to work out between us. I went in for the kiss and we made out.<span class=”Apple-converted-space”> </span>

    She seemed a lot happier after, and before she left she gave me a present she had wanted to give me, gave me a big kiss and said “we should keep in touch”.<span class=”Apple-converted-space”> </span>

    I haven’t heard from her since.<span class=”Apple-converted-space”> </span>

    It’s left me confused. I do want her back.<span class=”Apple-converted-space”> </span>

     

    #278003
    Valora
    Participant

    Hi Occitanie,

    Have you tried messaging her or are you leaving it up to her to contact you?

    #278007
    Occitanie
    Participant

    Yes Valora, I’m leaving it up to her because she’s the one who ended it with me.

    #278083
    Valora
    Participant

    If she ended it with you because she was frustrated that you wouldn’t open up and if you want her back, it might be smart to contact her. She did, afterall, get in touch with you twice already, once by texting you and the next time by showing up at your house. If she feels like she made a move twice and it’s now your turn, she might be feeling the same way right now… wondering why you aren’t getting in contact with her.

    #278111
    Marina
    Participant

    Hi Occitane,

    I feel for your situation, I’ve been there, as others in this forum. Thank you for sharing your story. What I’m hearing is that there’s a reason why she broke up with you – you don’t open up to her. And you are closed up because of past hurt. Unfortunately, the breakup was inevitable.

    One of the ways our partners, especially women, want intimacy is through the other opening up to them, whereas for men is more physical in nature. My guess is that she hasn’t contacted you because she realized that you won’t change. Take this opportunity to work on yourself – talk to a professional, open up to a close friend, read books, journal, find stillness and get in touch with your inner self. The trauma of past pain and the wounds need to be healed in order for you to start being yourself again (more open, trusting, loving). Whereas now, you are acting from a place of fear.

    I’m afraid that without doing the work, even if you get back together, you’ll find yourselves in the same position, but this time you’ll split for good. Or you’ll find someone new and the pattern will get repeated.

    When I went through my breakup, one of the books that helped me understand why my relationship ended was Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller – it explains how relationships work from the perspective of adult attachment theory. In other words, you’ll understand why you and your ex were attracted to each other in the beginning, and why you broke up in the end.

    Hope this helps.

    Marina

    #279397
    Occitanie
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Update:</p>
    She got in touch the night after I posted this thread.

    I invited her over again, and she said she would see if she could make it this weekend.

    I told her to keep in touch and she said ok

    Later on she got in touch again to talk about her job and how she was working for 3 hours

    I haven’t heard from her since then

     

     

    #279429
    Valora
    Participant

    Do you ever contact her or do you just wait for her to contact you?

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